Desire ch. 29 - Frosty Conversation

[itztigress3]

Chapter 29 – Frosty Conversations
POV: Zac / Casey
Word Count: 5283

October 23, 2009; Friday

-Zac-

I woke up to kisses on the back of my neck but the scent was not lavender and vanilla but old spice. I moved some and found Casey was the one kissing my neck and Emily was not in the room.

“Good Morning.”

“Morning.”

“It sounds like she’s almost done with breakfast. I figured I would wake you up. You didn’t flinch when her alarm went off.”

I smiled vaguely. He got up and walked out of the room and I went to get up and realized exactly how sore I was. I finally got up and walked downstairs, Emily was indeed almost done but she wasn’t the normal chipper Emily I was use too. Casey went up-stairs to get something and I pulled her to me.

“Good morning Emily.”

“Morning.”

“What is wrong?”

“Nothing. Did you sleep well?”

“Yes.”

She kissed my cheek quickly. “Good, go ahead and fix a plate. I really didn’t think either of you would be up before noon.”

I kissed her, didn’t feel a return kiss so I went down her neck.

“Why are you dressed?

“I have to be at work by nine, shouldn’t be there very long though.”

“But, I thought you were off.”

“No. That is just you. It shouldn’t be but a few hours really.”

Casey returned and we fixed plates and then she left, she didn’t even kiss me goodbye.

“Where is she going?”

“Studio, I really wish she wouldn’t walk there though.”

“I thought you both walked a lot.”
“We do, but I am with her. There haven’t been any calls, notes, or packages since the storm but doesn’t mean anything.”

“She’ll be ok Zac.”

We finished and I cleaned up the kitchen, putting the few dishes in the dishwasher after unloading it. I didn’t run it; I would wait until after dinner or even the next day. I then sat down at the table with a brownie. It was uncomfortable at least.

“So, you like to be spanked.” Casey said.

I felt the blush creep into my face. “I didn’t think I would, but I do.”

“I assume you give as well as receive?”

“I do.”

He sat back and I had a feeling what was on his mind.

“So, the last retreat in July, there was a time where you sat down gently, did she…?”

“Oh yeah.”

“I wondered but I didn’t want to ask.”

It got quite as we sat there, I finished the brownie and kept shifting trying to make my ass stop hurting. There was something he wanted to ask, I could tell.

“So, I was not going to bring this up because it probably is none of my business. She and I talked a bit yesterday when I arrived, when she called me from the studio she had to cut it short because you came into the office.”

I looked at him and waited, knowing he wasn’t done yet.

“I asked if she would be participating with anything and she said no. When I asked her why she wasn’t, she said it was because you told her no. She explained your reason including telling me what those two bastards did.”

I took a sip of my drink. “I did tell her no and my no was firm Casey.”

“Why?”

I looked at him sharply. “Why are you asking?”

“Zachary, I don’t know if you paid attention to her last night after the spankings, but she looked fucking miserable all night. She sounded very frosty toward you when we went to bed.”

I wanted to deny that I had not noticed either of those, but honestly I did. She usually calls me baby or honey when we say goodnight, not Zac.

“She has already had a threesome Casey. Her list was quite long and I have done or arranged for a vast majority of that list to be completed, things I am not going to tell you about.”

“She did mention that you had done a lot of what she wanted.”

“Yes, she has done a lot for me too. But, it is not something I am going to agree too, not with you and not with anyone else.”

He leaned forward some. “Why?”

I narrowed my eyes to him, he was pissing me off. “I just told you why.”

-Casey-

I sat there stunned, was he really that pig-headed or was he truly clueless? I thought about what Emily had said to be, she was so insecure about him leaving her for me or another guy. Surely, she had told him those concerns beforehand.

“Are there any other reasons why you said no to her?” I asked.

“Nope.”

“Zachary, I have known you a long time and I can tell when you’re lying to me.”

“Why should my reasons affect you?”

“Honestly, they don’t. She seemed interested in a threesome but she never said or confirmed that it would be you and I. She is fucking selfless when it comes to you.”

The way he was looking at me told me that he knew that already, that her being selfless when it came to him was not something new. I sat back and considered what to say.

“I mean, let’s count the ways that she is selfless toward you shall we? The first time was when she willingly gave you her virginity, knowing that you were married and knowing there was a chance that she would never be your girlfriend or your wife. For months she let you have sex with her, despite what her friends told her, despite the warnings from them, she kept saying yes to you. I’m by no means saying she is innocent in this either, I know she came to you many times as well and you didn’t or couldn’t say no. She kept on doing that until she finally realized that you weren’t leaving Kate for her, I am aware that she wasn’t aware of how you felt but Zachary that was your fault for not telling her. She took care of you when you couldn’t because you were sick. I know very well you have watched the video of you passing out on stage and I know she was the first person to reach you, which means she wasn’t far away.”

He started to say something in response to me and I held my hand up. “NO! Shut up I am not done talking.” I said.

He looked at me stunned; he didn’t expect that response or the forcefulness behind those words. He sat back slowly and closed his mouth, waited on me.

“She worked with your brothers to ensure your divorce from Kate went as smoothly as it could. Taylor told me that men approached her during December and January and she said no to them all. Her focus was you, was waiting on you. Kate sent Gary after her and you should really think about this Zachary Walker, those bastards fucking raped her for a week. They used your drumstick to beat her with it, those were not anything like we got last night or what you do to her. He beat her with it. I saw pictures of her thighs Zac. She told me some of the things and like they told her to just admit it and they’d stop. What did she do? Denied it and protected you. She protected you so the divorce wouldn’t tear your business apart, so you wouldn’t walk away from that bitch with nothing.”

He made no effort to speak and his defiant look from moments ago had softened quite a bit.

“She sat there and told me what they did, what they made her do. I am sure that you know a lot more details than I do when it comes to the extent of what they did physically and mentally. I didn’t expect nor do I want all of them. But she came to work that Monday like nothing happened, because in her heart if she told you or anyone else it would blow your story and Kate would win. She would have kept going home Zac, she wouldn’t have told you about them.”

I paused here to carefully phrase the question I wanted to ask. “While they raped her, while they both were at the same time, what did they say to her?”  I asked.

He stared at me for a moment, deciding on whether he wanted to say anything and then his eyes shifted to the floor.  “She told me they kept asking about me, if I had done that, or made her do anything, when she refused to answer those questions or denied ever being with me, they got rougher with her, hit her harder or did something intentionally to hurt her.” His voice was very low.

I sat forward and raised his head up. “I know she could have gone to any of you for help. She didn’t have to go back, but they scared her and then used that fear to keep her there. She kept all your secrets, so Kate couldn’t ruin you. She could have told them Zac, she could have screamed it at them the night he forced her to have anal sex with no preparation and no lube. You know that had to hurt like hell, but she said nothing. She didn’t want that bitch to ruin you. The two of you have a great relationship, you have loved her for so long and she has loved you as well. She would not have said yes to you if she didn’t, she wouldn’t have kept her mouth shut about what they did, if she didn’t love you.”

He sat quietly the defiant look was completely gone and his facial features had softened a lot.

“I asked her in September and she refused to tell me anything about what the two of you talked about. Flatly told me she wouldn’t. When do you think she called me and asked me to come over?” I asked.

“I told her two weeks after you left, I assume she called you shortly after that.”

“She called me from your office on Wednesday the day before your birthday.”

He looked confused by that information.

“She let you decide if you wanted too, but Zac have you taken into consideration how she may feel about it? She brought up the idea of a threesome I assume?” I asked.

“Yes. She mentioned it when she brought up us and again when I told her my answer.”

“Let me guess, you flatly turned her down both times?”

“Yes.”

“So, even knowing that you were unwilling to even consider her desires for a three-some, she still called me. Do you have any idea why she waited so long?”

“No.”

It was very apparent that Emily had never told him her fears of him leaving, it was also evident that was his reason. I reached over and moved his head back to me and smiled some.

“For the same reason you said no to her, she was afraid Zac. She was afraid you would like being with me so much that you would leave her. She told me that she wasn’t going to call me at all, but she knew it was something you wanted to experience and she loves you enough to give that to you. She loves you enough to risk it, because she would rather know now than face it later. Come on Zac, you said it was great and there was no denying that you enjoyed it, even when you didn’t with her. She heard you, she was right there. She sat there and watched you have sex with someone else. Is that why you told her no? Because you are afraid she would like it more and leave you?”

He shook his head no but the look in his eyes said he was lying.

“She has done so much for you. She’s always there, knows what to do, protects your secrets, she only let Gabby and Julie go that far because you both agreed to keep it a secret and if she went all jealous on them it would compromise that. Do you honestly thing she would have ever let them touch you if that was out of the equation?”

“No.”

“Then why are you afraid?”

“I am not afraid! I have told you why.” He sat up straighter, puffed out the chest and tried to make that sound much more sincere but it failed.

“So, you are just going to be the asshole in this then? She calls a man to come fuck you in front of her and you don’t seem to give a fuck about how she felt about that. You don’t even feel secure enough to do the same thing.”

“I am not being an asshole Casey. She made the decision to call you, not me. It was her idea to bring you in, not mine.”

“Yes, it was. After she got your permission! She may have brought it up, but you told her yes. You told her you wanted too. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here. You basically admitted to her that you wanted to fuck someone else.”

I knew that was an asshole move on behalf, but I knew his reason was bullshit and he did too.

“No…” he whispered.

“Yes Zachary that is exactly what it is. She struggled with that idea herself, but she still called me. She felt secure enough in your love for her, that she called. I know you love her, but do you doubt her love for you?”

“No! I know Emily loves me with every fiber of her being.”

“Then you need to think about your reasons. Do you think she would say no to you if you were the one raped by some man? Would she have flatly told you the same thing you told her? I honestly think you used that because you know she didn’t like it. You know she hated the way they made her feel, the things they did, she hated everything about it and that makes you feel secure because she’ll never leave you for either of them.”

I got up and walked behind him, grabbed a handful of his hair and brought his head back gently then leaned down beside him.

“I think you are afraid to be compared to someone else, because every sexual experience she has liked has come from you. I think you are being very selfish in denying her that because you don’t want to be compared to someone else. She loves you Zachary, she would do anything for you, how come you are unwilling to do the same thing? I think you need to think about that.”

I let his hair go and went up-stairs to the bedroom to get dressed, Emily wasn’t here and I didn’t want to make her feel worse thinking we did anything when she wasn’t present. I heard their bedroom close a few minutes after I got to the room.

-Zac-

After he walked out I also came up-stairs, I needed to get dressed anyway. But as I climbed the stairs I could see her face when I told her no, both times. I closed the bedroom door when I got there and walked to the dresser, got the smaller album out of the drawer and then sat down on the bed. Not many saw these photos; they were all taken during the 7 months we were together before I got sick. While none were nudes, we just felt they were private to us. I turned to the first one and saw her face, sleeping peacefully. I had taken it after our first time, while she slept. Pictures of her at work, of me and us, there were some from the tour bus as well; one of her behind the drum kit was my favorite from the tour. Casey was right, Emily would do anything and I have no doubt that she would have kept going home if she hadn’t passed out. He would have made her marry him and then I would have lost her.

When she’d first asked, the three-some with those two bastards was a quick excuse to just get her off the subject, but the second time it hadn’t gone so well. I flipped through the remainder of the album before I got dressed and went back downstairs. He was sitting in the living room, remote in hand, but the TV was still off. I sat down in the chair.

“I hate you, you know that?” I asked.

He smiled. “But you love me.”

“You are a bastard, you know that?”

He laughed. “Did you finally come to terms with your answer?”

“She’d do anything I ask.”

“Muhum.”

“You are a bastard, but you are right. I know she hated everything and I know in comparison to them I would always win.”

He turned toward me and waited, just gave me his best keep on talking look. I hated that look. I felt my defenses crumbling.

“What do you expect Casey? My ex-wife pretty much did that to me. It was fine and then she ventured out and the person she went too was better. Do you have any idea how many times I wished Kate would ask me to do anything? How much I wanted that bitch to want me and all she wanted was Gary. Casey, I laid in that guest room many nights listening to her scream his name and beg him for more, things she never did with me. It was painfully obvious that whatever I was doing in bed was just not good enough for her. What if it’s the same with Emily? What if I do let her and she does, with you or anyone else, and she determines it is better with them and she’s better off?”

He smiled slightly. “Seriously Zac, with the marks she leaves on you and Kent’s assessment of hearing the two of you, I don’t think you have to worry about that.”

“I really want to tell her yes Casey, I know she wants that experience in a positive manner. I want to make her happy but I cannot risk that she would like it more and leave. I cannot handle her walking away from me.”

He got up and got on his knees in front of me got my hands there was something oddly romantic about this and that scared me.

“You haven’t told me everything about your marriage to Kate, but I know she was abusive toward you. She always put you down and made you feel like you didn’t deserve anything. Kate is a manipulative bitch, Emily is not Kate. I get the feeling that if Emily didn’t like what you do to her in the bedroom, she would tell you. Is your sex life with Emily better?”

“A lot better.”

He smiled. “Then you’re obviously doing something right. She kept coming to you, even when you were married, that is a big plus.”

“But, what if…” he placed his finger over my lips.

“She loves you with every fiber of her being, she loves you Zachary. You enjoyed what we did, you said it. But, not once today have you mentioned wanting to leave her for me, you haven’t suddenly decided that you are gay. It is OK if she likes the sex with someone else, me or anyone. It is ok if she enjoys it, which is the purpose of sex. It does not and will not mean she is going to leave you for someone else simply because she liked the sex. Zachary, there is a good chance that she would not enjoy it with anyone but you. Sex is not just lust it involves love too.”

“So you think I’m being an asshole for sleeping with you and telling her no because I’m afraid she’ll leave me?”

He smiled. “You’re entitled to be afraid Zachary, she is your fiancée. But, can you tell me that even thought you enjoyed last night, even though you liked it, that you now want to break your engagement and runaway with me or some other man?”

“No. It was different and yeah I enjoyed it but I don’t want to run away with you or anyone else.”

“You’re the only man she’s been with on her own, the only man she’s ever said yes to.”

“What if once isn’t enough?”

He leaned back on his heels. “Did both of you really sit down and talk about this? Because it’s obvious you haven’t told her the reason you said no, which by the way did upset her. It’s also obvious she didn’t talk to you about her feelings. I mean really talk about it Zac, not casual questions.”

“Not really. She brought you up in September when you left, she brought up that you were trustworthy and that you were someone that wouldn’t blab or take pictures and send them around. I asked for time and she was fine with that. I considered it, whether I truly wanted to and I told her I wanted too and told her to call. We didn’t discuss the threesome at all.”


He didn’t look happy at all. “Zac, this is not something you two should have done without talking about it. As for if once won’t be enough, that is something you need to talk to her about.”

“You didn’t make me feel like an asshole simply because you want to fuck her did you? Because if you thought I didn’t notice how you watched her at the ranch in July, then you’re dead wrong. I noticed the pillows in your lap too.”
“I can’t deny that she’s beautiful Zac, but that’s not why I made you feel that way. Whether she wants me or someone else, I cannot even say it is me.”

I laughed. “Actually, the person she wanted was Taylor.”

“Taylor? As in, your older brother Taylor?”

“Yes. Reality is I am never asking him for that. Not only would Taylor probably knock me out, Natalie may do some serious harm to the family jewels for that one.”

“May do harm? Please Zac; you would need the strap on when Natalie was done.”

“Pretty much. But she admitted that was a long time ago and it’s not something she wants anymore. She did ask about you actually.”

He raised his eyebrow. “I feel used here.”

“It’s not like you didn’t enjoy yourself.” I smirked.

He giggled. “Yeah, fucking you was my lifelong goal, seriously though it’s not far off from that. I just never thought you would be remotely interest in that. You were always looking at women, I saw you look down Gabby’s shirt a few times.”

“I am human dude.”

“There is something I’d like to ask, if things with Kate were so bad how come you didn’t take their offer? I know why this year but in 07 you weren’t with Emily.”

I looked at him. “I wasn’t with her no, but she was already working for us. She started in November of 2006. But really I knew they wouldn’t keep it secret, I knew the moment I fell asleep pictures of my ass and other parts would be all over the internet.”

“Parts you kept from me, despite my asking. You blew me off every time.”

“Casey, you were a man asking about my dick size, a bi-sexual man at that. It was a little weird.”

“In fairness, the second time I asked it was all men and that was the topic.”

“Did you really think I was going to tell you with my brothers and five other men in the room? If you recall, I didn’t say shit that day.”

“No, you just blushed and when we teased you got worse.”

He finally got up and moved back to the sofa.

“You don’t mind being used?” I asked.

He looked at me and smiled. “Not by you, not by Emily. I feel special actually, you trusted me enough to be your first and to not hurt you. You also trust me enough to keep it between the three of us.”

“I’d image some fans wouldn’t react well to the news.”

“Most of mine would actually; they already know I’m bi-sexual. But this is not me dating someone; this is me sleeping with someone who’s engaged to be married. Added, I doubt your family would agree.”

“I don’t know. Earlier this year Isaac and Taylor came over and I was in the kitchen in a…”I stopped realizing what I was about to say.

“In a what?”

“Nothing. I don’t think Isaac would mind, Taylor might be a little shocked. The rest? No.”

“Zachary, what were you going to say?”

“Nothing.”

“I’ll just ask Emily.”

I giggled. “You can try but she won’t say anything.”

He giggled and smiled. “Would it have something to do with the nurse outfits hanging in the closet? She did say you made a good nurse. But, those seem a little small for you.”

I felt the blush, god I needed to learn to think first. “There not too small, there just right according to her. When they came over I had one of them on. Emily had been sick and I was her nurse, a request of hers actually. Let’s just say Isaac caught on real quick and Taylor didn’t. I don’t think he realized until he saw me in the pants too.”

“Wow. Any chance I can see that?”

“No. But, seriously, thank you for being there and agreeing.”

“Anytime, I mean that too.”

“Horny bastard.” I smirked.

He looked at me and smiled coyly. “If I had it my way, you’d be bent over the sofa right now, begging me for more. But, she wouldn’t be here and I am thinking she wouldn’t like that so much. I seriously have decided I will never fucking ask her to spank me again.”

I laughed for a good ten minutes, partly to obscure the idea of being bent over the sofa and partly because of his last statement.

“What is so fucking funny?”

“I can handle 25 hits with a drumstick, which is worse than a belt. But, you cave at 20?”

“Zachary, I know she hit me harder than she did you. She was making a point.”

“A point?”

“She wasn’t happy about it, she wouldn’t take it out on you but there were a couple hits that far exceeded that very first one. My ass still hurts.”

“Yeah, join the club buddy.”
“How in the hell did you get into that?”

“My birthday in 2007, I had tried it on her in July and she returned the favor with some plug surprises. It was pleasant really, it hurt yeah but it was a turn on. Although I totally pissed her off the next day and that second one hurt like hell for days afterwards. It reminded me of her though, because she left the bus a few days later.”

“Kinky bastard.”

I smiled and giggled. “You don’t even know the half of it. It was new, different, and I liked it. It’s not something we do all the time though. In fact, the last one she got was her birthday.”

He sat there a moment. “So, Zachary, what are we doing this afternoon?”

I sat there and considered it, he was right. She had sat by the bed and watched me have sex with someone else, and based on her reactions it evidently did upset her. She had never shown any indication that our sex life displeased her or that she wasn’t satisfied. Casey was here, he was trustworthy and I knew he wouldn’t hurt her nor would he tell anyone. I finally looked at him.

“If she wants too and agrees, then I won’t stop you. But, I’m not going anywhere, you will use a condom with her and if you hurt her in any way, well, you can pretty much fill in the blanks on that one.”

“Uh, yeah I’ve seen what you do to people who hurt her. If you are watching that’s not a threesome Zac.”

I tilted my head. “What? You thought just fucking you was my only desire? I’m being a selfish bastard here; I want her to have positive experiences with others beyond me.  Besides I think it would be more comfortable for us all if she kind of had that first. She watched me, it can’t be that bad. Just come onto her right here and I’ll let her know its ok.”

He sat back and looked at me. “So, you can sit here on the couch and watch her as she puts her hands on me? You can sit here and watch me take her shirt off, slide those jeans down her legs and you can really watch me have sex with her?”

The look he was giving me indicated he doubted I could, truthfully just seeing those images in my head were twisting my insides and causing me to feel that bubble of anger and regret, I couldn’t say I could be as strong as her.

“Yes. Really if she fucks you and then leaves me, you can sit there and listen to me whine about it, you sit there and listen to me scream and cry because she’s gone.”

He laughed. “No, babe I wouldn’t be consoling your ass, I’d be fucking it.”

His smile was genuine. “You are a horny bastard.”

“Seriously Zac, I don’t think you can. I think when she gets home the two of you need to talk. She wasn’t happy about last night, she may have sat there quietly but believe me there was something in her eyes and it wasn’t happiness.”

“She’ll probably change clothes, if so I will talk to her then. But um, that trick you did when you were laying down I tried but I couldn’t.”

He seemed confused. “Trick I did?”
“Yes.”

He paused for several moments. “You mean when you were riding my cock like a horny school boy and I stopped you?”

I stared wide eyed at him; never had I been described that way and hearing that seemed so wrong.

“I’ll assume that is what you’re referring too, when I held your hips and drilled you?”

I felt my face heat up and there was nothing I could do but watch him smile at me and giggle.

“Fine, I’ll go easy on you. If that’s what you mean just nod.” He said.

I nodded.

“Lay down in the floor a moment.”

I gave him a quizzical look but did so anyway, it was a little weird to be in the floor but when he sat down on me I froze. If she walked into the house at this moment, I felt for certain she’d have us both bent over the couch using her favorite paddle.

“Easy Zac, I’m not undressing and neither are you. I assume that you’re going to try this with her not me?”

“Either is fine.”

It was his turn to be kind of speechless. “Really?”

“Yes, either is fine.”

I saw the light creeping shade of pink spread across his face and I giggled. He smiled some and spent thirty minutes instructing me on what to do. It turns out; I was just putting my feet in the wrong place for the right leverage. After that we both needed some time to cool off, he needed it more than I did though, I wondered if he really would do that without clothes…