Desire. Ch. 41 - Did you just say that?!

[itztigress3]

Chapter 41- Did you just say that?!
POV: Emily
Word Count: 4633


December 27, 2009

I woke up at 7 and left Zac sleeping soundly in the bed. I slipped my robe on and went downstairs to the kitchen started the coffee and breakfast routine. I remained as quiet as I could so I didn’t wake anyone up. George and Christina had opted for a hotel just down the road from us, Joshua and his girlfriend were in our second bedroom, Jason and Aaron were in the other bedroom and Craig and Christopher were at their apartment now. It was different having them all here so close, but it was a good thing for Zac and them to get to know one another in a more intimate setting without the stress or problems that usually surrounded their meetings. Added, I got to know the woman Joshua would probably marry.

Thanksgiving and Christmas had gone very well, despite the underlying problems of Adam and Paul, it was still very good.

“Morning Emmy.” Aaron said.

I turned some. “Good morning, what would you like for breakfast?”

“For you not to cook it I am a grown man; I can cook my own eggs.”

“But you’re a guest, so shut up and deal with it.”

“Eggs and toast would be fine then.”

He pulled up a stool where he could sit closer to me without needing to scream out what he was trying to say.

“Jason still out?”

“Yep. I didn’t hear any noises from your room either.”

I looked at him and smiled. “We’re trying to be good.”

“Are you excited to be Mrs. Hanson?”

I dropped three eggs into the pan and looked at him. “Yeah, I am. But, really, didn’t I tell you in like 1999 he’d be my husband?”

“You did but really Emmy, did you think we’d believe you?”

“Not really, but here I am.”

He smiled and I flipped the eggs, dropped the toast and then I looked at him.

“What’s going on with you? You’ve been rather quiet the last week.”

He picked at the napkin on the counter. “Just wondering what Dad was doing. It’s like the first and only time that none of us were there Emmy.”

“You guys didn’t have to stop speaking to him because I did.”

“We spent our entire lives protecting you from assholes. Jocks that just wanted a piece, dumbasses who thought asking our permission to sleep with you would work, and finally protecting you from guys like Adam. Yet, the person we needed to protect you from was right there in the house with you.”

“But Dad never hurt me Aaron; he just jacked off to pictures instead.”

I put his toast on a plate and slid the eggs out and then slid the plate to him with a glass of apple juice, his favorite brand. I got a glass of milk and we moved to the dining room so he could eat and I could as well, my oatmeal was done.

“Never did see how you could eat that.”

“Zac doesn’t like it either.”

“Smart man, I knew there was something about him I liked. Concerning Dad, he didn’t have to physically hurt you to make it wrong. It’s bad to jack off to children of that age, it’s even worse when it’s your own daughter. He took those pictures Emmy, you can’t deny that.”

“I don’t deny it, I know he took them and I know why. But, I won’t condemn you or the others for talking to him or seeing him.”

He inhaled a piece of toast and an egg and then looked at me. “I’m gay Emily.”

It was blunt, short, and to the point and I nearly gagged on the spoonful of oatmeal I’d just put in my mouth, swallowing most of it without even chewing once. I had not expected that and he sat there and waited until I could breathe.

“I’ve known pretty much my whole life I just wasn’t as brave as Christopher was.”

“Are you sure? Aaron, I saw the number of girls you were with.”

“Because Dad told me to be normal and to go out and fuck women, I only went with them to satisfy his desire for normalcy. You missed Christopher telling him, it was not pretty.”

“Christopher told me about it though. Really, it’s none of Dad’s business who any of us sleep with.”

“I’ve known and I haven’t told anyone else but I knew you’d understand and you won’t judge me.”

“Of course I wouldn’t, I want you to be happy Aaron. You should find someone that makes you feel happy. I don’t care what gender that person is, if he makes you happy then why should I care?”

“He does make me happy.”

I looked at him and saw the sly little smile. “Aaron Samuel!”

He smiled at me. “His name is Zander, he’s a month younger than me, we’re the same height, and he has black hair and green eyes. We’ve been dating for six months.”

“How come you didn’t bring him with you? You know Zac wouldn’t have cared and you also know our brother’s wouldn’t.”

He leaned forward a bit. “Neither of us had told families about our preference. When we realized last month that this was something we wanted and we were serious we promised we’d tell our familiar over the Christmas holiday. He told his family yesterday.”

“Your mysterious smile late yesterday huh?”

“It was him telling me they knew and they were ok with it. I assured him mine would be easy but he doesn’t know about the albums and stuff. When he asked why we weren’t speaking to our father I told him it was family business and that I’d have to be careful. I didn’t know how you’d feel about him knowing.”

“Well, you don’t have to worry about us Aaron; our older brothers are cool with this kind of thing. They support Christopher and Craig that should tell you something. If you are serious about this man, then you can tell him.”

“How did Craig and Chrissy get together anyway?”

“Chrissy? That’s funny Aaron. Oddly they started as just sex, when Adam came and they watched the tape they were highly pissed and somehow that lead to sex. I’m ok with them staying home because really, Zac was who I wanted.”

“I can’t blame them really, you did seem very comfortable and happy with Zac, and you still do.”

“So, tell me about Zander.”

“He lives here in Tulsa, but his family is in California. I met him on H.net actually.”

“Wait, you met him where?”

“I joined the website and he’s a member. Do not fear, he’s more a member of the music itself than the boys. Although, he has commented on Zac’s rear end a few times, I’ve been brave enough to tell him I’ve actually seen Zac in person and he hasn’t actually met any of them.”

I just looked at him. Perfect another obsessed in-law.

“Anyway, we started talking and he’s flown out a few times to be with me because he had the freedom then to do so and I didn’t. The last time he was out we had a really long conversation about what we wanted.”

“Ok. So he lives out here and you met him through the website, what are you keeping from me?”

“Well, I’ve been working like mad to get a little extra saved because he asked me to move in with him, he’s got an apartment on the other side of town and I agreed. So, I’ve been putting in applications here.”

I smiled. “I think that is awesome. Now, you just need to tell the other four.”

He giggled but I played with the last few bites of oatmeal.

“Ut oh, what is it Emily?”

“I’m just hoping that Adam stops.”

“Is he still sending stuff to you?”

“Well, Paul was until last week. He is still sending stuff and Adam’s messages are much more graphic and detailed. We’re changing the number again in January; both of our numbers this time and he’s adding that unregistered or unknown numbers can’t call my line. We called the police but we can’t prove that it is him sending the messages.”

“That’s bullshit; they should know it’s him.”

I sat my now empty glass down and looked at him. “I’m really scared Aaron, I’m afraid to really go anywhere besides the studio. Zac had to come with me for shopping and when I got Zac’s I begged Craig to come go with me because all I can think about was Paul would do something like he did at Halloween and no one would be there. He goes to Fool’s Banquet for a week, what the hell am I going to do?”

“Go with him.”

“No, that is not fair to Taylor and Isaac’s wives and I don’t want them to hate me.”

“They don’t have a crazy man after them, I am sure they would understand.”

“No. I went to one and Natalie and Nikki both got mad because they haven’t been to any.”

“Do you know when they are going?”

“Mid-January. They moved it to January this coming year because of our wedding. That gives them February to catch up and get a tad ahead.”

“I’ll stay with you while he’s gone. You both know me and you both know I’ll protect you.”

“Zander wouldn’t mind?”

He sat back in the chair and scrunched his nose up. “First, he’s not like Christina as mentioned he prefers music to them. But, he knows that my little sister is getting married, but he doesn’t know who your marrying, I was kind of hoping for a favor there...If you’re ok with me with telling him why you need someone here, then he won’t mind at all.”

“Favor? I caught that Aaron. I don’t mind if you tell him why, if he doesn’t mind then I think it would help us both. Zac’s been quite worried about leaving me and it’s been tense because I refuse to go.”

“Do you think you could get Hanson to take a picture with me? Just a good one, nothing major I’d like to tell Zander I know them and have proof.”

I giggled. “I’m sure if I ask nicely they would, really, worst case scenario I threaten another atomic explosion on them.”

“He really is a music fan and well, a fan of Zac’s rear end.”

“Perfect, another obsessed Zac fan.”

“What about another Zac fan? I happen to have lots!” Zac smirked from the steps.

“Trust me, you don’t want to know.”

“You could have woken me up. Morning Aaron.”

“Morning.”

Zac grabbed juice and a muffin and sat down beside me. “You two are up early.”

“I wanted to get her alone for a minute because damn you hog her all the time.” Aaron said.

“It’s my job dude. Get use to it.”

Aaron rolled his eyes and I looked at Zac. “He’s moving out here and if it will help you be more comfortable at Fool’s he’ll stay with me.”

Zac looked at him and then me. “I’d rather you just come with me so I know for damn sure.”

“I’ve told you a billion times Zachary, Nikki and Natalie don’t go and neither will I. Fool’s isn’t for your wives it’s for the band.”

“I’ll stay with her Zachary, she’ll be safe.”

He seemed skeptical still but finally agreed and as the house woke up we got more active and less chatty. Aaron and Zac got into a Call of Duty game, Nadine and I sat in the music room going through photos of us as kids, since I had them all. I was also writing their discs for them. Jason and Joshua were with us, tinkering with the guitar there. Christopher and Craig showed up at 1 with alcohol and given Zac’s recent stress levels I didn’t say anything when they made his stronger. They didn’t know the extent of how graphic they were.

The messages included what he would be doing both in a sexual capacity and in general terms. The last message received Saturday night before we went to bed had made Zac actually physically sick. The level of detail showed that he’d wanted to do those things for a long time.

I hadn’t even told Zac exactly how scared I was, because I knew if I did he wouldn’t go to Fool’s Banquet at all, he’s insist on staying home with me and I didn’t want this to affect the band at all. There album was done, they had shot pictures in December and the release date was set, they were also talking tours and promotional tours, if he knew how scared I was he’d stop everything. Yet, what would I do when they left for promotional stuff? I’d be home alone and very much vulnerable.

As the afternoon wore on I noticed Zac was getting kind of tipsy so I told them to stop giving him drinks because I couldn’t carry him up-stairs. George and Christina left about 4:30 and shortly after that Joshua, Nadine, and Jason also left they were going to get dinner because they didn’t want pizza like the rest of us, I’d called and ordered the pizza already but Craig answered when the guy arrived. I fixed Zac a plate and took it to him and then sat down beside him. I was glad he was relaxing though. When dinner was done we turned to light conversation and Craig finally sat up.

“Hey! I almost forgot with all the excitement. Christopher and I contacted Tay and we’re all throwing the New Year’s party. I trust that you two will be there?”

I glanced at Zac. “Maybe.”

“You have to be! According to Taylor a party is no fun with Zac.”

I giggled. “Zac can be quite entertaining when he wants to be. But really the last few haven’t been that hectic or crazy.”

“He’s been quite fun the last week.” Aaron said.

“Hey, his coordinating text messages between Chrissy, Craig, and myself was genius. I mean really, he couldn’t have distracted you and gotten your Christmas present in the driveway at the same time without them.” Aaron said.

“Chrissy? Excuse you my name is Christopher.”

“I still can’t believe he bought me a car.”

“Emmy, he bought you a mustang, the car of your dreams in your utmost favorite color.”

“Still! He bought me a car.”

Zac giggled. “Baby, your car was like thirty years old. You needed something better and I was kind of hoping that maybe you’d agree to that truck I was eyes awhile back.”

I smiled. Maybe that’s what he’d come home too after Fool’s banquet.

“Hey! You guys should invite your friend. Casey!” Craig said.

“To the party?”

“Yes. He was awesome and funny and I think if he could come it would be great.”

I saw that Zac was already getting his phone out to send him a text so I didn’t get my phone, but I did see the sly little smile on his face. When my phone beeped I got it, it was Zac’s ringtone after all.

Hey C! Tay, Craig, & Chris are throwing a huge NY’s Party and invited you. Also, Ems bought those thongs; I’ll let you take them off if you want too…

I smiled and hit reply. So bad Zachary! I suppose I’ll have to spank you and then let him take them off?

I saw him look at the phone and smile at me but at the same time I noticed that the other three men in the room were also checking their phones. It was weird that all of us would get a message at the same time. Zac replied and as I looked down to read it, I noticed the others were also doing the same.

You don’t have to wait to spank me Emily…

I saw Aaron swallow really hard and Christopher was staring at his phone like someone just told him very bad news. Craig seemed like he was trying to say something but couldn’t form words, I looked down at the phone in my hand and then moved to see the names of who received the messages and I nearly dropped my phone.

“Uh..Zac?”

He looked at me and I stopped him from writing whatever it was he was about to send and he looked at me confused until I pointed to the name and I saw the blood drain from his face as he looked up and realized they’d all seen the messages already.

“So Zachary…you liked to be spanked then?” Craig asked.

His face paled as the other two looked at him as well. Zac tried to say something but no words came from his mouth.

“We’ll take that as a yes. Not bad, I didn’t think you’d be into kink. I should have known though.”

Christopher and Aaron were rather quite, processing what they’d read.

“Craig, be nice.” I said.

“Oh hell no, I couldn’t say a damn word about him enjoying being fingered, he stepped right into this.”

“Craig…” I whined.

“Don’t think you get off easy Emmy.”

“I’m not sure I want to hear anything else.” Aaron said.

“Then leave the room. Come on Zac, spill it.”

He still couldn’t form a single word, let along full complete sentences and I’d never seen his face that red before, the color was even spreading to his ears and was beginning to trail down his neck also. He’d never done that before.

“Do you use your hand Emmy? A belt? Maybe a paddle?”

“I am not answering that questions Craig. It’s really none of your business what I use or what he uses either.”

Craig’s eyes got kind of wide at that revelation.

Aaron looked at me. “I’m wondering more about Casey removing thongs that you apparently bought for him, which by the way I did not need that mental image Zachary!”

Zac whined some and slid the blanket over his head, as he also knew Aaron was more into men than women at this point.

“That is an interesting concept but I mean he did like being fingered.”

“How do you even know that?!” Christopher asked.

“I told her what to do.”

“Are you an idiot?” Aaron asked.

“No. She said she wanted to do something different and that came to mind, hey straight dude like that too. Although, I didn’t recommend the spanking so either she did that on her own or she did that to return the favor. Given the smile on his face when he sent that message about not waiting, you all may want to come home with us.” Craig said.

“I’ve already heard them once.”

I heard Zac whimper again and I patted his leg.

“Emmy, should we assume that your fetish of wanting to watch guys jack off was employed here as well? Why else would Casey be removing his thong? By the way that is a pretty hot image, Zac in a thong.”

Zac actually curled up on the sofa, putting his entire body under the blanket and I briefly wondered if this was turning him on or if he was just mortified now.

“M..maybe.” I replied.

Zac groaned from his hiding spot but Craig was rather quiet.

“What’s wrong Craig? You didn’t expect that answer did you?” Aaron asked.

“Actually, no. I mean, really Emily? You watched them both jack off at the same time?”

“Well, not exactly that but I did watch.”

Zac actually pinched my leg. “Will you shut up Emily?”

I yanked the blanket off of him, thankful it wasn’t a turn on to him. “Then act like you’re age and not a baby fixing to be spanked by your mother!”

His face paled a bit which helped the redness fade as he stared at me.

“Aww, come on Zaccy. It’s not like you and Casey had sex or anything.”

His face paled completely and I felt mine do the same thing but as I looked at Craig I noticed that both Aaron and Christopher’s faces were pretty pale as well. But silence didn’t help.

“Fuck! Are you fucking serious?  Emily Isabella! You watched them have sex?”

I kind of wanted to cover my own head up then. “He got to watch too!”

Why? Why had that come out of my mouth? Why those words? Anything would have been better than those words.

“What? Are you saying you let another person watch the two of you have sex?”

“No…but yes.”

Zac finally sat up straight, his face kind of pale still but not bad, evidently the topic was becoming a bit more comfortable to him.

“Either you did or you didn’t, which is it?”

“Both actually.” Zac said.

I blinked and looked at him in much the same manner as the other three; I really hadn’t expected him to say that.

“Both? Meaning Casey watched the two of you but you watched her and him too?”

“Ok. Craig, shush it.” Christopher said.

Craig closed his mouth and leaned back in the seat. Zac’s face was getting some color to it now, thankfully.

“Ok. So, she’s my baby sister and I am sure Aaron can agree with me on this, I don’t want details of your sex life Emily. I know the mechanics of it, that’s all I need to know. Craig, if you ask another question your own sex life will be severely lacking.”

He had started to ask something else but quickly changed his mind and I snickered at him.

“However, I am going to assume that whatever you, Zac and Casey did was kind of recent?”

“Yes.” We said.

“You both seem a little embarrassed by it and defensive. I’m going to also assume that Zac’s never been with a man in that sense before then as he seems very embarrassed by us knowing what minimal details we do know.”

“Well unless you include…” I slapped my hand over his mouth because he was totally fixing to put his entire foot in his mouth and mention that strap-on.

“If you finish that sentence, you really don’t want to know what I will do.”

Craig giggled. “Maybe he’d like whatever you would do to him.”

“He probably would but he really doesn’t want to find out.”

I removed my hand and Zac didn’t finish the sentence, instead he looked at Christopher.

“Do I even want to know why you two would invite a third person in to your bedroom? Neither of you complain.”

Zac looked at me terrified and I patted his leg. “It’s ok Zac. It was my idea actually and he and Casey weren’t really part of it that just kind of happened, although I did know Casey had some mild crush on Zac.”

“Your idea?” Craig asked.

“I found that it was easier to get over what Adam and Gary did if I reenacted some of the scenes and had Zac do them without hurting me, I essentially wanted to have a positive experience with some of the things he did. I’m not going to mention the ones I wanted but a threesome I will. We talked about it and agreed and I asked Casey. He’s someone we can trust and someone who wouldn’t tell the world or post pictures of us.”

“The other stuff just happened?” Aaron asked.

“Yes. I told Casey about the fingers and he kind of took it upon himself. It wasn’t planned but it was consensual between them and between us. It didn’t change how we feel about each other and it doesn’t mean that we’ll ever really do it again.”

They all looked at Zac who has probably sobered up very quickly by now.

“His text messages implied it might.” Christopher said.

“It’s not set in stone though and it may not happen again. It’s been months.”

Craig suddenly sat up. “No, it’s been two months. Casey was here for your birthday and you were all grinding him on Halloween!”

I knew that was going to eventually bite him in the ass. “I was also very drunk that night.” Zac said.

“Not like it stopped us.” I smirked.

“Ok! That’s enough talking! You two are happy right? I mean those events didn’t change that?”

“No. They didn’t change how I feel about Emily. I still want to marry her; I still want to spend the rest of my life with her.”

“Likewise, I still want to marry him and be there the rest of my life.”

As the words left my mouth though the messages from Adam surfaced, the rest of my life, he’d ensured that wouldn’t be spent with Zac but in some house he’d purchased. One I’d never leave.

“Emily?” Aaron asked.

“Yeah?” I asked.

“What is it? Your sentence sounded very confident but your facial expression doesn’t match.”

“Just remembered one of the many messages, it’s nothing. Now that you’ve successfully embarrassed us both, Zac was more than me. Can we move past this now?”

“Oh, expect teasing from me for a while.” Craig said.

Zac groaned and the other two laughed but agreed we were done. I sent Casey an actual message and asked him and he said he wished he could but he’d promised his family a whole month and that was until after New Years. It was shortly after the end of the conversation the others got back. I was in the kitchen when my phone went off and I looked. There was a picture of my old bedroom at home, before I moved.

Did you know I use to watch you sleep also? I’d spend the night with your brothers, but I would watch you sleep. You were six at the time and it was before George was so very rude. I’d stand in the doorway and just watch. I won’t be watching you sleep once you’re with me, because you’ll be beside me and I’ll be holding you. That is once you’ve learned your place. Prior to that you’ll be sleeping in a small cage, barely large enough for you, because after I’m done fucking you for as long and anyway I want, after I’m done using the switch on you, after I’m done ensuring that every square inch of your body is hurting so badly you can’t remain conscious you’ll beg me for that cage. You’ll beg Emily. I guarantee you that.

I stood there at the sink for a few moments. His messages were usually worse but this was just as bad, knowing he’d stood there and watched me sleep. Knowing that in his mind I would be sleeping beside him at some point. I jumped a foot when Zac came up behind me.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s ok really. He sent another message.”

“We’ll handle the phone this week hopefully, everything should be open. Aaron spoke to his boyfriend and explained there was a guy stalking you and said your fiancé was going out of town, he said Zander agreed it was best for him to stay with you and he understood. But, he didn’t tell him who I was.”

I turned to him. “Zander doesn’t know who I am marrying, but I think Aaron plans to tell him when he’s back. He requested a picture with Hanson.”

“Yeah, he mentioned it. Taylor and Isaac are supposed to be at the party so I’ll be sure to get one before we’re all useless.”

“I think I’m going to bed, you should probably come with me.”

He kissed my forehead. “It’ll be OK Emily. I promise.”

I really wished I could believe that. I wish that I could believe that Adam was going to give up.