Infinity Chapter 35 - The Brick Wall

[itztigress3]

Chapter 35 – The Brick Wall
POV:  Zac / Emily
Word count: 5206


 We had made quick progress setting up the stage and even without Ryan present we had his part of the job done as well, turns out we really didn’t need him. I felt a little better but I was still afraid and still confused about what happened in Los Angeles, part of me felt like it was my fault because I hadn’t done what he asked. Yet, there had been no severe consequence to the not showing up after wards. I had lunch inside with Taylor and Isaac, catering and Casey said he was going to the bus to send Emily inside but she hadn’t come in by one and I knew maybe Alexander was fighting his naptime. So, I set up some more wires, about 2:30 my phone went off and it was her ringtone so I got it.

Bus. Now!

It was never good when her messages were like this so I put my phone in my pocket and headed to the back, our walk was at 4 so I had some time. I passed Dylan and Shannon and they gave me strange looks which I ignored and kept heading out. The bus driver was coming inside; looked liked he’d been woken up.

“Kurt? What are you doing awake?”

He looked at me. “Your wife woke me up and asked if I’d come inside for a bit. Something about needing to speak to you….”

I swallowed, that wasn’t good if she woke him up and sent him inside then something was wrong. I picked up my pace but half way across the parking lot I saw Casey, Velma, and Robert coming inside and Robert was holding Alexander, he and Velma headed inside while Casey stopped.

“Where are you going?”

“To the bus…why are you taking him inside?”

He laid his hand on my shoulder. “I don’t know what you did to piss her off, but you better have a fucking good explanation. She didn’t bring a paddle did she?”

“Not that I know of...”

“You may want to wait Zac; she’s not in a very good mood.”

“She called me to the bus Casey, waiting would make it worse.”

He frowned. “We’ll pray for you.”

I went on to the bus and Carrick was sitting in the lounge, he looked a little frazzled himself and I wondered if she’d reamed him for something as well. He looked at me and the look on his face was apologetic, like he was sorry for something but he had no reason to be.

“I’ll assume she’s upstairs?”

“She said she would be in the office.”

I went on through and up-stairs, down the quiet hallway and the door was slightly opened.

“It’s just me.” I said.

I pushed the door opened and what greeted me was a very pissed off wife, just by the way she was looking this was going to be very bad but then my eyes landed on the desk to my opened laptop and the enlarged pictures of Alexander, her, and us asleep at home.

It literally felt like a brick wall collided with my face. How she’d even gotten in that folder was beyond me, how she even knew to look was beyond me. But by the look on her face the pictures folder was the very last one she’d viewed, which was not good for me at all.

“Emily…I…”

“Don’t even Zachary. Why don’t you just sit your ass down and sit there.”

Yep, she was surely pissed off and the way her voice was so low I’d only heard it one time before and that was the end of a video her brother sent me when she attacked Amanda, so I carefully moved to the sofa across from her and sat down. She was pissed off and the longer she sat their quietly the more worried I became, she usually didn’t sit this quietly when she was mad. I considered starting but that had never ended well for anyone before, no reason to believe it would now. I did look up to find she was going through the photos again.

There were papers to her left side, but I couldn’t see them. Her left leg was bouncing rapidly and that was something I’d never seen her do. I heard my phone bing and I got it but before I could unlock it she turned and looked at me.

“If I were you, I would ignore whoever sent that. The people that need to get in touch with you were told not to bother.”

I laid the phone down on the sofa. I always knew when I told her or when she found out that she would be upset, but this was beyond upset this was beyond anything I’d ever witnessed from her. She turned back and quietly went through the rest, I recognized that the she was looking for something in them and I kind of figured what it was.

I sat quietly replaying the decisions I had made over the last nine months, so many times I had the chance to tell her what was going on, so many chances and yet I’d kept telling myself that she was better, she was doing better and that was my reason. But, had I really done that? I agreed to anything as long as she didn’t get hurt in anyway, but her behavior was different.

The door cautiously opened and Carrick was standing there. “Emily?”

“If there isn’t an emergency with Alexander or a bus fire then get the fuck out of here.”

He looked stunned. “Emily…” He said.

She turned and looked at him. “I know damn well you heard me. In fact, you can go inside too because he’s not going to need you. Assuming that one of the individuals inside that building is repeatedly sending him messages, will you please inform them to stop?”

He nodded and quickly left the room, she watched him from her seat go inside but the beeps weren’t from anyone inside, I knew exactly who it was and his timing was probably the worst ever because I just knew if I bothered to answer, she’d probably lose whatever thread was holding her together.

I felt the prickle of tears, I was trying to protect her and it looks like I failed, I heard the phone three more times and she turned.

“I’ve asked you more than once if there was a problem, I point blank asked you when the studio was vandalized if you’d gotten anything and you flatly told me no, yet according to this you’ve been getting messages since January. Nine full months you’ve been getting pictures. Including ones of me and Alexander, pictures of him with Casey, Carrick, pictures of Maddi and you agreed with me Zachary, you agreed she made the wrong decision in hiding her vision from us.”

I knew very well not to say anything, so I kept quite.

“At Jessica’s birthday party I showed her the picture I had her blow up of you and Alexander, do you want to know what she told me?” She asked.

I nodded, knowing I wouldn’t like the answer.

“She told me that was her vision, that the vision she had last November when I left was of me taking pictures of you and Alexander and that exact one was a pose she remembered. Now, she thought it was Mark or Jason that was watching us, I am going to assume that she was wrong?”

I only nodded to her, not really trusting my voice because each time she spoke I could hear the anger, disappointment and the pain in her voice. A voice I heard for the next thirty minutes as she went through every valid point that I’d shot down. How she should have known so she would have known to be careful, to watch the people around her, the people interacting with her at Hanson Day, it was clear she was very pissed that I’d not said anything when I knew there were close to a thousand fans. Then she dropped the ultimate bomb, she’d already signed into Hanson.net and seen the messages there, cross checked and learned he’d been to the events, he’d been checking in at every single show we’d been too, was at a meet and greet the 4^th of September. The longer the pointed out the obvious things the more I wanted to just go back and redo everything.

What stopped her screaming was my phone ringing, it was Taylor. It was 3:50, the walk started soon but she answered, listened for several minutes.

“He’s not walking Taylor. Cancel it or go without him. In fact, you can do the sound check without him too. Right now, I really don’t give a flying fuck what you think of that. You can turn and go back inside you won’t get on the bus, I’ve reset the master lock and right now no one has it but me. I’ll have him call you when I’m done.”

I glanced around and saw him standing completely stunned at the door, but he didn’t argue with her instead he hung-up and went back inside, I turned and she suddenly had printed pages in front of me.

“Explain them.”

I looked up at her and then took the pages, looking at them and I knew the symbol was there I didn’t even need to look but I didn’t expect the images and it didn’t take long to remember exactly what they were. That brick wall had paled in comparison to the second one.

“Where did you get these?”

“That’s really the first thing you want to say? Who the fuck are you sleeping with Zachary? Who are you sending these messages too?”

That sounded like a simple question, but it wasn’t that simple. “I’m not sleeping with anyone else.”

She looked utterly confused. “I’ve read them all, two or three times actually. Don’t lie to me; I’ve seen the signs for months, late night texts and e-mails, the sudden desire for complete privacy. Maybe you’d like to tell me whose black vibrating thongs are in your truck? Better yet, maybe you’d like to tell me the truth about your blue thongs as I know damn well they didn’t break, which means who ever your texting here has them.”

I had nothing. My mind was just blank.

“Maybe you’d like to explain these three pictures because from what I can tell this is Alexander’s crib at home. This is me asleep in our bed alone. So, either you took them or someone else did. The problem is this third one; we’re both asleep in the bed. I know damn well this man didn’t get into our house and you didn’t tell me.”

Which is exactly what he had done, yet I had still not told her. I swallowed hard because I was beginning to feel like she was going to leave and if she did I couldn’t protect her in any way. I flinched when she yelled for me to answer her. I just had no idea where to start and everything was so messed up and screwed up.  Her voice raised an octave and then another piece of paper was shoved at me and when my eyes fell on it she seemed to fade. I swayed a bit, tried to compose but as mad as she was, as bad as it was, it felt like the brick wall was just not strong enough.

I looked up at her for the first time since coming into the room, really looked at her. “Please, don’t leave me.”

-Emily-

I hadn’t known I could feel so angry toward any one person, let along Zac. But, he was just sitting there ignoring every question, staring at the floor. I was furious, I wanted to shake him and make him answer me. Make him answer why he hadn’t told me, where these pictures came from, who he was with, I wanted anything I would have even settled with him telling me he wanted a divorce because he was in love with another man. It would surely hurt like hell but his silence was making my chest hurt anyway.

Yet when he looked up at me I could tell something was very wrong, I could see the tears that had flooded his face and just the way he said those four words seemed to bust down every defense I had. Fear and pain laced the words and the way he was looking up at me with his beautiful brown eyes that held so much sadness and pain. The papers in his hands were shaking and moments after asking me not to leave he was crying hysterically.

I really wanted to stand here and just wait, but the intensity and depth of his sobs clearly told me exactly how much he was hurting. So, instead of standing above him I started to move to sit beside him, but he must have thought I was leaving because he got my hand and gripped it hard.

“Please, Emily don’t...I...I can’t…”

I continued to move, sitting beside him on the sofa; he looked down at his hand, which held mine just on his leg. I used my left hand to wipe away a few of the tears on his cheeks. He let my hand go kind of realizing I wasn’t going to leave but moments later his arms were around me and his head was on my shoulder, I didn’t stop him just let him cry. He’d dropped the papers onto the floor, but I didn’t care. I could feel hot tears on my shoulder occasionally and I just let him, held him because clearly it’s what he needed right now, not for me to be screaming at him.

His phone kept going off, most of it was reminder beeps but it was beginning to bother me that I’d told Carrick to tell them to stop and I’d told Casey to tell them not to bother and they were still sending them.

“Hand me your phone.” I said.

He didn’t quite let me go, moved to get the phone but his hand kept a pretty tight grip on my shirt, he handed it to me.

“It’s Alexander’s birthday.” His voice was hoarse and barely above a whisper.

I unlocked the phone to ten new messages from the name Ian; I opened them and went to the first one, telling him to check his e-mail, then one asking what he thought about his punishment, the longer time had passed the more rude they got, but the last one…

Do I really need to repeat LA Zachary? I can guarantee you the next time I come to you it won’t simply be putting you on your knees, no it will be much worse! Fucking ANSWER ME!

“Zac?” I asked.

“Yeah?” he asked.

“Who is Ian?”

He looked at me, still sad and clearly still in pain. “He’s the one that sent all the pictures.”

I turned the phone around. “What did he do in LA?”

I saw the look in his eyes; I really didn’t need him to tell me I recognized that look. I’d seen it many times for months after Adam and David, it also explained the nightmares the waking up, the bad eating habits the last week. It was also clear he wasn’t quite ready to say that.

“How about I go down and get you some water and then you can calm a bit and explain what is going on?”

He nodded and sat up, I took his phone with me, and got two more messages both demanding he reply. I got the bottle of water and looked at the messages. I didn’t know the full situation but I hit reply.

I’m sorry I haven’t been able to check, Emily is pissed! I got to get away a moment. I did see the e-mail, which is why she’s pissed! I’m trying to cover, but you’re not helping.

The reply after that was just a smiley face, I returned to the office and handed him the water, gathered the papers and intentionally kept the one of him hidden. I sat down beside him again.

“You’re not screaming at me.”

I wiped his cheek off. “I got the feeling when you asked me not to leave that perhaps what I think isn’t quite what’s going on. I mean you are clearly upset but what I expected and what you did are not the same.”

“Who even told you?”

“I presume Ian did, given the number the text came from isn’t in my phone. Told me to check my e-mail, you can bet I want answers for those messages but I think I may understand more if you go back to January.”

He nodded and for the next hour he explained what had been happening. The ink at the retreat, the messages, e-mails, what he said and did, the packages which explained the thongs and his missing pair. I was kind of alarmed to know my own underwear had been taken as well. He explained everything, including the messages up to LA, he stopped there.

“Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“You were just getting to a point where you felt safe without me or someone being right there. The pictures were all in public places like Hanson Day. I just assumed this man was some fan, even when he mentioned David and Adam I didn’t think it was someone who was serious.”

“Any other reasons?”

“I didn’t want you to be like you were in 2010 Emily, you couldn’t go anywhere without someone, you were afraid to do anything because of it. It’s been over two years and you had just started doing things on your own, being more confident and not afraid. I was afraid if I told you about the first ones that you’d clamp down and be the same as before. I really didn’t think this person was going to be this way. I really just thought it was some lunatic fan.”

Something occurred to me. “When did he send you the pictures of us asleep?”

“A few days before we left for the tour, when Carrick sent us the e-mail with his arrival day, I have no idea if the dates are real.”

“There real, don’t you remember? That night you got home really late, you’d just gotten home but I told you it’d been hours.”

“I remember, I just figured you were tired.”

“I saw him Zac, the night Maddi stayed I saw someone at his crib then too. I thought it was Cody but I’m betting it wasn’t.”

He frowned. “I should have told you.”

“You want to tell me what happen in LA? You won’t like what I think happened.”

“Based on your screaming you think I met someone, you didn’t say who.”

“Ryan came back after you, was it him?”

“I don’t honestly know, because I never saw his face. He has brown hair but he’s worn wigs as well.”

“I’m going to assume that he’s the bastard responsible for pinching Alexander?”

He nodded and picked at the jeans, I reached over and lifted his head to look at me and not his legs.

“I’m not going anywhere Zachary. But, I need to know what’s going on. What happened in LA?”

It took him several minutes before he told me, the text messages that lured him up the alley all the way to running into Carrick in the bathroom. What bothered me was the grass smell he described, because he said it was something he thought was just him, admitted that the reason he slept well in my bunk was the lavender and vanilla scents overpowered the grass.

I wiped the tears off his face again. “It wasn’t that, your bed smelled like it, it’s why I washed your sheets. It’s all I smelled last night.”

“I don’t know if it’s someone on the bus, but if it was Ryan, then he’s gone.”

“You called the police?”

“A few times, but the messages and texts aren’t really threatening, like he’s not outright telling me he’s going to hurt me or you.”

“There close enough for you to know but not close enough to be criminal.”

I checked the time and it was almost 7, he’d told me everything so I didn’t have questions. I knew that at most he had to be inside by 8:30 and I was positive that everyone inside was very worried about him. He’d been detailed about keeping messages and keeping proof, but he was right they were just shy of being real threats. He had his head on my shoulder still.

“I don’t know what to do Emily. I didn’t expect this.”

I kissed his forehead and tightened my arm a bit. “Right now you need to calm down. You do have a show and I cannot very well tell Taylor and Isaac to do that alone.”

“No, they might draw the line there.”

“You didn’t leave anything out right?”

“No.”

“I’m going to assume that even though you said you were doing things, you weren’t?”

“I was still fully dressed, but I knew if I didn’t play along he’d be mad.”

“What threat did he use in LA?”

“Ems…”

“I want to know Zac; you said he used a threat and the gun. What threat did he say?”

I felt him swallowed. “He told me if I didn’t he would shot me and then kill you and Alexander, that by the time I made it to the bus it would be too late.”

I knew the threat had to be bad but there was something about that one that just didn’t settle right. An obsessed fan no matter how bad wouldn’t go to that level of threat.

“Does anyone else know about the messages?”

“Just Carrick, but he doesn’t know about everything because I knew he’d tell you. I image he pushed you to check anyway.”

“He caught me crying earlier, dragged why but he never saw the picture of you. He told me he knew you weren’t cheating and that I needed to get into your laptop. Maddi said the same thing; she had a vision off your drawing the infinity symbol and emotions fear and dread.”

I leaned back and he moved to curl up on my chest “You know Alexander does that.”

“He takes it from me.”

I moved his hair gently, caressed the sides and thought about what he said. Ian couldn’t have gotten on the bus without having a code and I could access the records to see whose codes were used the most but the problem was we’d set almost everyone’s to be the same.

I called Isaac at 7:15. It would be very close but Zac needed to get dressed and he needed to eat something.

“Evening Mrs. Hanson, what can I do for you?”

“Ouch formal name? Wow, Taylor must have talked to you.”

“Yes, I’m a little worried that Zac’s not calling…Is he ok?”

“He’s fine. Alexander ok?”

“Yep. Uncle Taylor just got done feeding him mashed potatoes and peas, smashed obviously.”

“Sorry, uh I need you, Taylor, Velma, and Casey and obviously Alexander to come to the bus. Do not bring anyone else. Also, I need one of you to bring him a plate, I’ll come in after the meeting but I know you guys are pressed. Likewise, bring his clothes to the bus.”

“What’s the code?”

“They weren’t changed really, I just didn’t want interruptions.”

“Ok. Give me like 15 and we’ll be out, Alexander needs a clean diaper anyway and they only brought one inside.”

I hung-up and he looked at me. “You’re going to tell them?”

“Not everything at least not right this minute but Zac he’s not going to stop and right now it’s more important that Alexander is safe. While we wait for them, why don’t you go shower right quick? You’re going to be basically walking straight to the stage.”

He got up and we went down to the lower level, he went to the bathroom for a shower and I waited with a diaper, which was good since he really needed one.

“Where is Zac?” Taylor asked.

“He’s showering, did you bring his clothes?”

“Yes.”

I changed Alexander right quick and waited, Zac slipped on the under clothes and ate first, that way if he did get anything on him it wouldn’t ruin his stage clothes.

I gave them a much more condensed version of what he’d told me, not mentioning LA at all and it was clear none of them were happy, especially Casey but I shook my head when he started to yell.

“Believe me Casey; he’s had plenty of screaming from me. He doesn’t need it from anyone else.”

He sat back and stewed a bit.

“So, what does that mean?” Isaac asked.

I took a deep breath. “I went back over some quick files and this guy has been to meet and greets and every single show, which means he’s also attending walks. Alexander will not be going on anymore walks period and neither will I, which means I need Casey to be with Zac while there walking, it’s precautionary.”

“Alexander shouldn’t be left with anyone but the ones in this room, I don’t know if he has anyone on the bus.”  Zac said.

“On the bus?” Isaac asked.

“It’s strange that I didn’t get an e-mail telling me about this until today after Ryan was kicked off. Which leads me to believe it could be someone on the bus. Everyone passed their backgrounds but that means nothing right now. While you’re inside I’m changing the codes and they’re going to be different. We will have the same code, but the others will not.”

“Anything else?” Isaac asked.

“Taylor and I will make all of Alexander’s food, complete from cleaning to cleaning. Only the ones in the room are going to be feeding him or changing, I don’t suspect anyone else on the bus. In fact, I do believe Robert would kick someone’s ass for touching him. But, it’s just precaution.”

“Do any of you have perfume or spray or anything that smells like grass?” Zac asked.

“I’ve smelled it but several have been around.” Taylor said.

“Ryan and Dylan have it; I asked a few weeks ago because I smelled it and was going to get some. I like the smell of cut grass.” Velma said.

That added a suspect to my mind and probably Zac’s too. About 8:30 we went inside and Zac handed me his phone.

“He’ll stop during the show.”

He hadn’t sent any really to his phone since I had replied earlier. Zac still looked completely frazzled but once they were on stage I took Alexander to the catering room and found myself dinner, I was about to starve. Alexander ate a few bites of my potatoes, but basically played. I had to go to the bus but I had Velma go with me. I changed all the door codes and kept my master copy but their new ones were written down individually. I even re-set the primary master code to something else. Alexander nursed at 10 but I stayed inside because they couldn’t do shit until I gave them the new codes, so once the show was over everyone met me in the back room prior to break down. Alexander was still awake but he was getting tired and cranky.

I waited until everyone was in the room and was sitting. Alexander went right to Zac, who picked him up and sat him in his lap.

“Generally, I don’t do mid-tour meetings or anything of this nature. However, all bus codes have been changed and you now each have your own individual codes, which I have right here. You are responsible for those codes and they are not to be given to anyone. That includes Velma, the boys, whatever. If you lose or forget your code, you need to come to me.”

“Is this because of Ryan?” Shannon asked.

“Yes. Unfortunately I believe that he gave the bus code to someone else and that someone was able to get on the bus. The problem is everyone had the same number, so I can’t say that this entry wasn’t Shannon or it wasn’t Robert. I just don’t know, so those codes need to be kept to yourself if you are asked then you have every right to say no without consequence.”

“Should we check anything?” Robert asked.

“That’s a great question, you should. Check your computers, phones, just basically make sure you have everything. I don’t suspect he stole anything, I think this guys focus was more narrow.”

“Anything else?” Kurt asked.

“That’s it, but I needed everyone to know and understand this is a permanent change and it’s serious. If you give those codes out you will be fired. No warnings, no excuses.”

Once everyone agreed I picked Alexander up from Zac’s lap. “So you can do what you need too.”

“Are you waiting on us?”

“No, but I’ll walk out with Kurt, he’s tired Zac.”

“He’s not the only one.”

I went with Kurt to the bus, changed Alexander and laid him down; he was pretty much out a few minutes later. I then went to the office and put things up so Velma couldn’t see them. I was headed back down when I smelled it, the overpowering scent of grass. I doubled back and Zac’s entire bunk was permeated with the smell. My bunk was fine, so I guess he’d just sleep with me. I moved his phone charger and then went down. It was after 2 when they got on, the trailer was loaded, crew was on the bus and we left to head to the next stop. We laid down at 3 and Zac seemed fine to lay with me.

“You’re not mad at me?”

“Just a little bit, it’s not so much that you wanted to keep it from me I understand your reasons but when it got worse you still kept it from me.”

“I didn’t know what to do.”

I leaned over and kissed him, could taste the sweet taste of chocolate on his lips. “It’ll be ok.”

He pulled me closer and snuggled close to me. “Same thing Alexander does.”

“He had to get it from somewhere. Emily, what do I do when he texts me?”

I tightened my grip on him. “Play along like you have been. When he asks, just tell him I believed the lie you told me.”

“If he asks what lie?”

“Tell him you told me it was a friend and that you’d not really been with them but just talking. Don’t need to provide a name unless he requires you to and then I guess use Carrick, but ask him first.”

“Have I ever mentioned how much I love this smell?”

“A few times, goodnight Zac.”

“Goodnight.”

He snuggled closer to me and within minutes he was asleep. I laid there another thirty minutes until his breathing evened out and then I too fell asleep.