Infinity Chapter 61 - Only I

[itztigress3]

Chapter 61 – Only I
POV:  Zac
Word count: 3611

  February 10, 2014
 I opened my eyes to the sun shining in the small windows at the top of the room; I wasn’t even sure how I managed to convince myself to fall asleep the night before. I had been very tired, but I was also very scared and the pain wasn’t really subsiding quickly. I knew that I was somewhere north of Tulsa, the bag over my head had kept me from seeing street signs or markers but just knowing the area has helped me determine we went north.

I was worried about Alexander and I had asked Ian if Robert took him somewhere or if he followed my directions to take him to Zander, I’d even asked if he’d been killed but Ian refused to answer. The last two times I asked he’d hit me for it, so I was praying that Robert took him to Zander, but deep in my heart I held little hope that he had been returned alive. Ian kept telling me not to worry, how could I not? Alexander was my son and his safety and well being was something I would always worry about.

We had arrived an hour or so after he took us, Ian had us both put in this very room. He’d given us a fairly decent dinner after what felt like a few hours and I wasn’t going to eat it, but Casey said I should maintain my strength so that we could find a way out. He seemed so much stronger than me in that moment, but he couldn’t stop Glen from getting me an hour later. He’d lead me to what became known as Ian’s master bedroom. When he had told me the next time would be worse, he had not lied to me. I was actually grateful that Casey was there, but I didn’t have him now…

Saturday they brought us breakfast and then he’d had both of us brought to his master bedroom. I was confused on why until he told us to have sex or he’d hit me until we did. Casey didn’t want too, not that I could blame him, he didn’t want to hurt me anymore and really sex was the last thing on my mind at that point.
Casey had refused, stating I was hurt badly enough but Ian didn’t relent and the first hit came to the sorest part of my butt and it only took three for Casey to cave in and tell him to stop. Of course, at that point I would deal with whatever Ian wanted. I tried to reassure Casey and tried to hide any discomfort but he’d gone slowly. When he was done Casey was dragged out by two others and that was the last time I saw him. I didn’t know if he was still here, if he was alive, or if he was released. Ian hadn’t hesitated to kill Velma and he didn’t see her as anything to me, whereas Casey was something.

I blinked a few times the room was actually pretty bare. A single twin mattress which was on the floor, a set of sheets and a blanket, a few mismatches plastic chairs and a bucket which he said was for bathroom. It actually kind of made me appreciate that Adam at least had a proper bathroom. Ian had kept my cloths Friday and only provided a white t-shirt and white boxers. It was clear that the other men here were trained to follow his orders; they did whatever he asked of them without questions. Screaming did nothing but cause my throat to hurt.

What was keeping me from doing something stupid? I knew that Emily and little bean were still there and hope that Alexander was too. I prayed Saturday night that when my second child was born, that I’d be there to witness it. Oddly, there had been times at night that I really thought Emily was here with me; perhaps that was why I slept so easily last night. I could feel her lips, her warm hands, and the gentle fragrance of vanilla and lavender. My neck felt oddly empty, he had taken my necklaces and ring Friday as well. I glanced up briefly when the door opened and Ian walked in.

“Good morning Zachary. Glen tells me you actually slept last night that is good. I did not want to sedate you and sleep is important.”

I considered some cocky remark but the pain that was already present was a static reminder that he did not have a problem hitting me if he wanted too.

“I see you have learned that lesson.  Very good.”

He pulled a chair over and sat down, I kept my head down because I was tired of being hit for that and common sense said to not do it. It was worth it to avoid the bruises and the pain.

“You behaved really well yesterday, the smart mouth was a distraction but I see you learned. I was also impressed with your show Saturday. I didn’t say then and I am sorry, but I was. Despite your obvious issue, it is just sex Zachary, not rocket science. I do believe you deserve a reward.”

I wanted to look up but I waited until he lifted my head and I was rather shocked that he kissed my forehead.

“You probably assume that Robert joined your tour just for me, but that is not true. He does not know about my affection toward you. He did not know until Friday. Although I am sure you don’t believe what I say because of Zane.”

He was right, I really didn’t believe him. He ran his fingers through my hair and I cringed a bit, I hated when he did that.

“You need a bath and since you have been good I’ve decided to reward you with a warm bath. Glen will draw up the water and then we can talk there.”

He again kissed my forehead and then he got up without another word. Showers were given with cold water, much like Adam’s water hose bathes, but I didn’t want a bath if he was going to be there. I would have settled with the cold shower. A man whose name I didn’t know brought me lunch first; he seemed pissy that I was here, that he was directed to care for me. Heading Casey’s words I did eat, it was rather tasteless which was good.

Unlike this room the remainder of the house had been completed with expensive taste. The house had high end white marble floors, stark white walls that had a lot of my paintings on them but also other artwork, a gourmet kitchen with white granite counters and solid oak cabinets. There was a six person mahogany table and the furniture and accessories looked expensive and unused. The den however had less expensive furniture, but everything else was the same. There were other bedrooms but I hadn’t seen them, just the master bedroom which was as expensive as the rest, real wooden floors large area rugs and carved mahogany bedroom set. The bathroom was mostly marble and all white, I hated the entire house.

Glen came in and got me and while there was no clock in the bedroom, the one in the hallway said it was 12:30. I had run Saturday afternoon, every window was screwed shut, every door had padlocks, and I hadn’t tried since because the paddle really hurt. He lead me through the house silently, guiding me to the master bedroom where Ian was already in the tub filled with steaming water and bubbles. Ian thanked Glen, who nodded and left. I stood there in the middle of the white palace until he gave me a quizzical look. Not wanting to anger him I slowly removed the two items and walked to the tub. I really wanted to run, but instead I got in and took a seat away from him.

“That was rather easy, I expected a bit of a fight.”

“I got the feeling that warm bathes are rare and I did need one.”

“That they are. I don’t normally allow anyone to bathe in here but myself, but you are special Zachary.”

He’d told me that on more than one occasion since we arrived. He relaxed back and that is how it remained for a bit. I couldn’t deny the hot water felt good on the sore places and I was relaxing just a bit. After sometime he got a rag and came toward me and I resisted the urge to run again, the soap smelled like grass and the shampoo did as well. But everything he did was done with care, he didn’t even pull a single strand of hair, was gentle over the black and blue marks he’d left, actually apologized for one. Despite his best efforts with the grassy smelling items, I could still smell faintly the lavender and vanilla; I would be ok as long as I never forgot that scent.

I felt him sit behind me and he pulled me back, this was strange and unsettling, what was he doing? He had his hands around me, keeping me from falling.

“You are special to me, you always have been. I believe that without you your band would be nothing. You connect to the fans differently, reply to messages, you try much harder. Do you sometimes feel like you’re not appreciated enough?”

“I feel appreciated.”

“Do you really? Do your brothers ever thank you for the things you do? Do they thank you when you come up with a fix to something? Do they thank you when you paint non-stop for months to satisfy your fans? Do they really appreciate you or are you just assuming they do?”

I blinked, I’d never really thought about it, surely they had but I couldn’t come up with anything.

“I would appreciate you. I do appreciate you. The way you play with passion when you’re on stage, it’s very clear that you have passion for what you do. You were very upset when I was rude to you during a sweet song. I’m sorry for that, I shouldn’t have. I appreciate your art work, as you can see I own quite a few pieces. I appreciated that you responded to me on Hanson.net, your brothers never did. Not even simple questions but you usually did.”

“I tried to0 but sometimes I couldn’t.”

“I know and it’s ok.”

I felt his arms tighten some and I was replying some of the memories from the past how Taylor and Isaac hardly replied to fans, they showed passion on stage but they had been pretty mad about my outburst and there were times where Taylor could be so critical. Did they truly appreciate my being there as a band member?

“You are very special to me. You know you are the only person I’d want to be with, I would love you and take care of you. Always do little things you like. Does she do that for you?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

I went to turn to him but he stopped me, just pulled me against him. “Think about it Zachary. She condones you being with Casey, she doesn’t mind being with him herself. I am sure that there have been times where they’ve had sex without you.”

“No. Never. There always with me.”

“Are you sure? Casey is afraid of heights yet he jumped for her. Surely she did more than just convince him to go. Added they had a rather long walk and talk while you were apparently asleep. Come now Zachary, she condones you sleeping with him and sharing a bed when you travel. Did you think she wouldn’t assume it was ok?”

“She…” Yet, there had been times where they’d been alone and Casey was terrified of heights but he’d pretty much jumped just for her. Sure, she gave him the option to back out, but he had done it.

“Are you certain the baby she is now carrying is yours?”

“Yes.”

“A hundred percent? You are positive all the times you didn’t need Casey that he was just on the bus? They spent a lot of time alone during your walks and prep times.”

I really wanted to say I was sure but he had a very valid point and really she didn’t come to me for sex during the tour until October, but her sex drive had always matched mine, Casey hadn’t even hinted at being horny the whole tour until we caught him with Robert that is.

“I would always love you and just you, I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else but you. No other women, no other men.”

I felt him kiss my shoulder and found it didn’t feel as cringe worthy as before.

“There is something I don’t understand. The description Adam gave of your sex life hinted that you were always ready, willing, and very able. Yet, everything I do or have done has not turned you on. What is the problem?”

Was he stupid? He was the problem! Although, saying that would surely make this niceness fade really quickly. Admittedly even Casey had been concerned about that but everything he had done had hurt to some degree, so my focus was not screaming because I wanted him to stop and less about getting an erection myself.

“I don’t know why, perhaps it’s just stress.”

“You don’t want to lie to me Zachary. I’m being completely honest with you.”

“I’m not. I promise.”

“You don’t have to worry about anything anymore. I’ll make sure you’re taken care of.”

I’d always worry about what was going on with my family, even if they didn’t love me, I loved them. He had to be delusional to think I wouldn’t worry about my parents and family.

He pulled me back against him and I could feel him against me. “How do you feel being here?”

I should lie but what if he was able to tell? “Uncomfortable and uneasy, I’m not sure what to expect.”

When he directed me to move, I didn’t resist. There was no point because I couldn’t get out of the house and telling him no was going to be worse. Yet, he was really trying to get me involved, I felt like he’d kissed or nipped every square inch of my neck, shoulders, and jaw before he just seemed to get agitated and pissed off and gave up. The water didn’t minimize the pain or how I didn’t want to be here. When he was done he shoved me roughly away and pulled the plug in the tub. He got out and I started to get up so I could but he looked at me.

“Don’t fucking move.”

I eased myself back down and waited. He stepped into the shower stall to rinse off and then used the hand-held to rinse me off as well, but he used cold water. I’d clearly upset him somehow. He walked out of the bathroom and came back about five minutes later and dangling from his fingers was the black necklace and my wedding band.

“Do you think this would make you more comfortable?”

“No, Sir.”

“Good. You need to realize that you are no longer tied to that bitch you call a wife. She does not love you, I do. Only I love and appreciate you like you should be. She will mean nothing to you; you will do what I tell you. You do not belong to her anymore and if it takes killing her for you to realize that, you know I will.”

He was screaming at me and I found it odd that him calling her a bitch didn’t piss me off. He laid the band down on the side of the tub and before I could really move he brought a hammer from somewhere and just began to hit it. The tile cracked under some of the blows he gave and missed but the band snapped at one point and I couldn’t do anything but sit there and watch. When he stopped there was nothing left but broken, twisted metal on a broken tile.

“You are mine, not hers. Now get out.”

I carefully got out but he was trading the hammer for a paddle, was he going to get this pissed every time he tried to turn me on and it didn’t work? He moved me putting my head right over the broken tile and the ring, so as he hit me I could see it. The only ring in my life that I’d ever wanted to wear, the one she picked out for me and put on my finger in 2010. It was now broken and twisted, covered in my own tears now because the hits to the areas that were already sore were just worse. I hadn’t even counted the times but I was glad when he handed me the clean clothes, yet he waited for me to get dressed.

“I didn’t want to do this to you, but you have given me no choice.”

He got my hand and lead me to a door in the bedroom which I thought was a closet, but it turned out to be a very small room, he directed me inside and sat me down on the left side. Sitting really hurt but I ignored that. If he came in and sat down too then he would have to interlock our legs to even get in. But, he didn’t come in instead he closed the door and the room was dark. I wasn’t afraid of small spaces or even the dark, so I was confused. But then a screen came on and I looked at it. The images that came up were mainly my family, friends, and Emily. Yet, in each one I wasn’t there. There were dozens of Emily with Casey, but where was I? Some of them they were looking at one another differently, it was more romantic and there was even one where he was kissing her forehead. What the fuck! Why the hell was he doing that when it was MY job!

Emily was my wife and not his, she belonged to me and he was acting like she was hers! I’d never been jealous of their relationship with one another, but this was something I hadn’t seen, or had I? Maybe I had but just ignored it?

The ones of Taylor and Isaac were at events that I either hadn’t been informed of in time or weren’t invited too at all, despite it being musically related or business related. Neither had asked if I wanted to go or attend, they’d just assumed I didn’t. Granted sometimes I really didn’t want to go or preferred to stay with Emily and Alexander, but an invite would have been appreciated.

The screen had been off for some time when the door opened and he stepped inside, a flip of a switch turned on a very dull light above us. He sat down and sure enough interlocking knees was a must. I didn’t really like that he was touching me. Yet, he looked down almost sad.

“I didn’t want to show you those. But do you see now they don’t care about you, there just as happy without you as they are with you.”

I vaguely nodded because sure he had a bunch of pictures but really they had been there my entire life. Emily had been there for me the last 7 years. Ian went over each person carefully, covering even my youngest sister, Zoe. Who’d always loved me and we were very close as was Mac. Yet he made sense. I had no idea how long I was in the small room before he let us out and someone was waiting to escort me to the same room. He however didn’t leave right then, instead he smiled slightly and leaned in. I was almost afraid he’d been commanded to hurt me.

“Pretend that you’re his, pretend you’ll do anything he wants. Trust me.”

He then left the room, there was a plate in the room already but honestly I felt kind of sick so I just lay down on the bed and curled up. I was certain that unlike Adam, Ian wasn’t sending pictures to anyone. He’d not taken a single photo of me.

Were they even missing me at all? All those photos and the talk made me clearly see that over the years it really did seem like they were just there because they had to be. Taylor and Isaac had done this whole beer thing and sure I agreed as a family business but it wasn’t my thing, they were planning this festival and I was supposed to do the art for that, the Hanson Day paintings, plus all this other stuff but what were they doing? It was clear that Emily could have as much fun with Casey as she did me, did she really need me or was Ian right again, was she just like Kate only way smarter?

The breaking of my wedding band had hurt. But as much stock as I put into it, was it really worth it? I felt like Emily was my soul mate and I had told her that, but now I was questioning if she was. What if I had made another mistake and Layla had been right, was it really just lust that drove me to Emily or did I love her for real?