Infinity Chapter 63 - Helplessness

[itztigress3]

Chapter 63 – Helplessness
POV:  Casey
Word count: 4996
a/n: I was really trying to just do Emily & Zac. But, I really felt this chapter is best from Casey’s POV.



I couldn’t quite describe the feeling of hearing Alexander call my name and run to me, I couldn’t describe how holding his warm wiggling body next to my chest felt. Hearing his sweet voice and knowing that he was alive and ok. Despite the stuffiness he apparently had.

But that quickly turned into true helplessness as he asked for his father and then proceeded to completely meltdown and nothing seemed to calm him. I wanted to break down and cry when she took him up-stairs, because the look in her eyes was so foreign and unreal. I’d never really seen her eyes take on such a dull grey color.  I started to follow so I could help her but Max stopped me.

“It’s better if she is alone when he’s that way. It’s the only way he’ll calm down really.”

“This isn’t the first time?”

“No. He’s done that every day and yesterday was pretty bad. Let her get him calm and you should eat and find something warmer to put on.”

I just stared at him, true helplessness. I couldn’t even help her? Reluctantly I nodded.

Detective Walker bid us farewell and went back to her post near the gate, I had called Max because I knew he’d come and I knew he would be close as well. He moved to the kitchen and heated up whatever she’d fixed for dinner and he sat with me as I ate. Afterwards, I went up-stairs to Emily and Zac’s bedrooms, expecting to find her here but the room was empty. I found my sweat pants in their closet and because I missed Zac so much I chose his sweater. It was too big, but that was fine. I then sat down on the bed to wait for her, I could hear Alexander at first and I wanted to run over and do whatever I could but his screaming began to die down and then ceased. I kept waiting. Max came to the door though and he frowned.

“She’s not coming in here Casey.”

“Her bed is here.”

He came in and sat down beside me. “She’s asleep in Alexander’s floor with him. It’s where they’ve slept since
she came home from the hospital.”

I blinked. “Wait, she was in the hospital too?”

“She fainted in the waiting room from what I heard it was pretty scary for a bit. I laid her in here earlier and she woke up screaming. So, she probably won’t be in here and I doubt she’d mind if you laid here.”

I nodded. Why couldn’t she lay here? Zac had clung to her scent those days, clung to anything that smelled like her and this bed smelled like him. He patted my leg.

“Get some sleep Casey, you promised the agents a sit down tomorrow. You’re going to need to sleep.”

“I know.”

He got up and left the room and I laid down, but I couldn’t fall asleep so I got up and walked to Alexander’s door, I eased it opened and sure enough she and Alexander were laying in the floor on a pallet of blankets. Alexander was right up against her chest and she had a good grip of him too. I leaned against the door frame and reflected. She’s expected Zac and been so disappointed; she didn’t look very well either. I caulked it up to it was the end of the day. I eased myself down in front of them, I laid there ten minutes before my eyes closed
and for the first time in days I felt safe enough to actually sleep.

February 12, 2014; 7 am

“Asey! Asey!” His sweet stuffy voice called to me.

I blinked and Alexander was kneeling in front of me, Emily was laying on the other side awake.

“Asey! Asey!”

“Good morning Alexander, Uncle Casey is awake now.”

He looked at her and smiled and she did some but I could tell it was forced and not her usual smile.

“I figured you wouldn’t mind that wake up, but why are you in here?”

“Why are you? I went to your room and Max said you’d been in here.”

“I can’t sleep in there, besides it’s easier to calm him down here. Our bedroom doesn’t work he just screams louder.”

Alexander got up and went to the changing table, bringing back a diaper and wipes and given that he laid them on me I sat up. Guess that was my clue to change him.

“Since when did you become such a big boy? Getting your own diapers now?”

Emily got up and found him clothes as I changed the diaper and just listened to him talk to me and babble, sounded like he was telling me about the last few days. She laid the clean clothes beside me and while he was still she cleaned the nose.

“Is it possible for you to watch him while I shower? I haven’t gotten a decent one in days.”

“You have to ask? Go. I’ve got him.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

She walked out of the room but she wasn’t even across the hall before he said mama and whined, so she came back and waited until I was done. I got up and went across the hall too.

“Shower, I’ll watch him.”

She nodded and I watched her carefully move around the room, her movements weren’t as graceful as they were, she wasn’t sleeping very well either. I’d felt her move during the night many times, it couldn’t be comfortable on her to sleep in the floor, especially pregnant. She also looked a bit pale, much like me really, which could mean she wasn’t eating enough either. She disappeared into the bathroom and Alexander stayed with me, she’d left the door open. She came out thirty minutes later in a pair of pants and one of Zac’s button-up shirts.

It was when she got socks that I could tell she’d gotten bigger. “Little bean must be growing well.”

“Yeah, Maddi said it was like I gained a size or two each day.”

“It’s not a bad thing.”

She sat down and Alexander came beside her as she put her socks on.

“So, Max said there were new agents, what happen to Eliza and Grant?”

She finished putting her socks on and looked at me. “I called Saturday and had them replaced.”

“Why?”

She took a deep breath. “Because the bitch told me that I wanted this to happen, that Velma was my fault and that I didn’t love Alexander, after I passed the fuck out she kept on, Natalie slapped her because she called me a bitch and she pissed Aaron, Christopher, and Craig off by asking what right they had to fawn over me. She wasn’t doing anything Casey; she hadn’t done a damn thing since she took over. The new agents told me that Zac should have never been alone, that Ian’s two attacks were enough to warrant full time protection they didn’t need to see how long he’d been watching. Robert gave them addresses and she didn’t do a damn thing.”

While she seemed upset I could detect the sadness in her voice too, the blaming.

“Velma wasn’t your fault Emily.”

“Yes it is. I called her to watch him. I asked. I chose to leave him here alone with her and it was what the bastard wanted. He killed her for protecting Alexander, that isn’t her job it’s mine. She died because I asked her to come sit with him.”

I slid over and put my arm around her. “It wouldn’t have mattered Emily, Velma or Aaron or anyone else. He would have found a way. It’s not your fault she died, honey she did it to get him away and he killed her. It’s Ian’s fault. Not yours.”

“You just got home and you’re comforting me? How are you?”

It was a clear subject change but I knew she cared about me as well, so I didn’t mind.

“Overall, I’m not that bad. He hates me so much Emily. I didn’t understand why until Sunday.”

She looked at me confused. “Why would he hate you? I’m the one that stopped him before.”

“He hates me because Zac’s had sex with me on his own and liked it. Believe me; he doesn’t like you either but your female Emily. He hates me because I can get Zac to respond to me and enjoy it.”

“Mama..eggs.” Alexander said.

“I guess that’s me…Do you want eggs too?”

“Sure.”

I watched her walk out of the room and the sheer overwhelming sadness in her eyes was just too much. I loved Zac as well, but not anywhere near as much as she did. She had a son by him and was expecting a second one soon, he’d been with her for the past 7 years and they were hardly ever apart, to come home to an empty house and now be without him, I could only imagine how much it hurt. Alexander’s tantrums weren’t helping her either. I got up and went downstairs, Max was way ahead of us both and had breakfast fixed and waiting.

“She woke me up at frigging five this morning, I swear Ems I’m totally understanding why you get pissed so easily with her.” He said.

Emily smiled but again, it was forced, Alexander was playing right beside her and he smiled at me. I sat down. I was sure Eliza was the she in their conversation and I didn’t totally understand until the gate bell went off.
Max walked over and asked who, she replied with a snippy comment and he shut her down. Emily just sat there staring at nothing, as badly as my body hurt from the hits I’d taken I was really beginning to worry about her. It was clear that she was hurting and that Max had virtually taken over.

She fixed Alexander’s plate but Max fixed hers and sat it down. “Everything Emily, it’s not just little bean that needs it you do too.”

Max’s tone was that of the nurse in him, it wasn’t a request to her either, he was basically telling her what to do and she didn’t buck that instead she really did eat what he put on the plate. He piled mine up too and only had to give me a stern look, but considering how Ian thought I needed to eat I’d be glad to finish this plate. She seemed to look guilty when she finished eating though, as if she didn’t need to be eating at all.

“Emily.”

She looked at me. “Yes?”

“You don’t have to worry about that, he’s taking care of him. One of his helpers told me Zac was eating well. I told him Friday he needed too, wanted or not, because he needed his strength.”

There was that fake smile again and a simple nod but it didn’t seem to do much comfort to her. I wished I could tell her anything to make her believe that Zac really was Ok in some sense.

“Agents will be here at eleven.” Max said.

I looked at Max and her and it hit me, Maddi and Max had been here making sure she didn’t do anything stupid, exactly how far had she sank in a few days?! Alexander finished and she gave him his medicine and they went to the living room. I took my empty plate to Max and made sure to get close to him.

“Are you afraid she may hurt herself Max?”

He glanced my way and smiled some. “No.”

“Then why are you watching her, handling things for her, I’m confused. She’s always been a very independent person.”

He washed the plate and put it in the drainer, glanced back to see she was in the living room watching cartoons..wait..cartoons?! When did she begin to really sit and watch cartoons?!

“I’m not afraid she would hurt herself, only because she knows Little bean would die. I’m watching because I feel like she’s on the very edge of a complete breakdown. She’s been controlled, measured, and almost robot like since Saturday. I’m hoping with you home she’ll talk to you at least. She wouldn’t with me or Maddi.”

I nodded, understood the concern Emily tended to bottle things at times and then let them erupt.

“Have Tay and Ike been over? His parents? Siblings? Anyone that can provide support?”

He shook his head. “They can’t be here. Alexander see’s them and he’s ok for a little bit, but then he starts asking for dada. His meltdown Monday was so bad, worse than last night. He cried like that for hours and eventually she just cried with him. They call her, and text constantly but they agreed it was better to not upset Alexander and her. Him being sick hasn’t helped.”

I nodded and when the dishes were done I waited. The new agents were early and were let in easily, I noticed immediately they were far more professional and more serious. They introduced themselves to me and we sat down in the living room. They took the love seat; Emily sat with me on the sofa and Max the other love seat. Alexander was right near Emily so he was happy.

“We thank you for thinking ahead Mr. Colton.”

“You’re welcome, even thought he was sure they removed any traces of themselves.”

“It’s still good to think ahead and you did. We appreciate it with or without traces it could still tell us something.”
Max nodded and sat back and they addressed me.

“Can you tell us what happen Mr. Smith?” Stewart asked.

I nodded and explained what happened the day we were taken, the approximate drive north that took roughly an hour to an hour and a half.

“That matches what Mr. Robert McDermid told us.”

“He was there, the last time I saw him he was holding Alexander beside my car.”

“What happened after you got there?”

I glanced at Emily; I kind of wished she would go to another room, the faraway look on her face scared me and I really didn’t want her to feel any worse.

“Tell them Casey, because even if I leave now you’re going to tell me anyway.” She said.

Max glanced at us and back to the floor and I focused on the two agents.

“We got there kind of late Friday and they put us in a room together. It was pretty bare and blank, a mattress on the floor, sheets, a blanket, a bathroom bucket, and chairs. No art work, the windows were up high and they were long but had bars on them. The door had a few locks. They brought us dinner and I told Zac that we needed to eat to keep our strength up.”

“Who brought the plates?”

“The one Friday was Glen Franklin, he interviewed last year with us but we didn’t select him. I’m not even sure if that is his real name or not. After dinner about an hour later he and another man came in and got Zac and took him out of the room, they threatened to shot me if I tried to stop them.”

“This other man, any name?”

“They never called him by a name that I heard. Um, he was the one that brought meals to me afterwards.”

“Ok. So Glen and a man took Zac out, what happen after that?”

I glanced at Emily and Max just nodded meaning he’d keep an eye on her, so I looked back.

“I was in the room maybe ten to fifteen minutes before Glen and a different man came in, the first one was close to my size and build, the second was more built up, he was a bit taller than me.”

“Can you describe them a little better? Hair, eyes?”

“All of the other men I seen had brown eyes and brown hair which was fairly long. Build wise they had the one like me lean and the one that was built more, I guess maybe like Max is. There was one that was rather average and there was one that really reminded me of Zac a lot. Same build.”

They wrote things down as I said it, called back the descriptions and I nodded.

“Ok, continue.”

“Glen and the built one came in and got me, put a black cloth over my head and guided me through a house. It’s two stories and no carpet that I felt, it felt kind of slick maybe tile or something close. They kneeled me down outside a door, I could feel air under the door and I heard voices on the other side.”

“Whose voices?” Agent Rodriquez asked.

“I heard Ian yelling saying that he didn’t listen, that he knew the consequences, and that he’d been told what would happen. I didn’t really hear Zac much until…”

I looked at Emily who now had Alexander in her lap. Max had gotten up and gotten a lunchable for him and he was eating.

“It’s ok Casey, I figure he hurt him. It’s how Ian works.”

I looked back to the detectives, tried to pretend she wasn’t here.

“I heard the hits, sounded like a belt to me but I wasn’t sure. When I went to scream out they gagged me and held me there, He begged him to stop with the hits and Ian screamed something about he knew and I heard something break and then Zac…He uh…he screamed out a few times and then got quiet or at least I couldn’t hear him. They took me back to the room after that and a little while later Glen brought Zac back into the room with me. He had a white t-shirt and white boxers, but nothing else.”

They didn’t ask questions thankfully, I could still hear his screams and the helpless feeling I had then was the same now.

“Did he tell you what happen?”

“Yes. He had marks and he said it was a belt and a paddle, he didn’t tell me Ian raped him but he didn’t have too. We fell asleep sometime after he’d calmed down. Um, breakfast was brought Saturday morning, and then Glen and three others the two before and the one that resembled Zac’s build came in and got us. I was blindfolded but I don’t think Zac was. We were lead back to the room and this one was the master bedroom.”

“Can you describe it?”

I described the room and how it looked expensively done and how nice the finishing was. Once they were happy with the description they asked me to continue, I glanced at Emily who was holding a cracker for
Alexander as he finished the mouthful he had.

“Ian came in and said that we were both bad and that we both deserved to be punished for it. I have no idea what he thinks either of us did. He said that we were to have sex, he specified that Zac would be the bottom and I refused because I knew he’d hurt him and I didn’t want to do that. He hit Zac for that and after three I couldn’t keep saying no but I wasn’t even sure if I could.”

“It sounds invasive, but did you?”

“Yes. Ian wasn’t really giving me a choice it was either have sex with him or he was going to hit him until he passed out and logically I knew if I went easy it wouldn’t be as bad as the pain from the hits. His backside was already pretty red from the night before. I tried my damnest not to hurt him at all, and he kept telling me it was ok.”

“Is that something that has occurred before?”

“Yeah.”

“Mrs. Hanson were you aware that your husband and Mr. Smith were having a sexual relationship?”

“I was, yes. Um, I’m the one that made the proposal. Um, Zac also knows that Casey and I have had sex as well, normally we are all together for anything so we’re all present.”

They looked at me and I agreed, but I didn’t like the way she sounded, her voice was way too even for her and this wasn’t some remote control game she was playing, this was real and emotional and hers seemed to be on autopilot.

“What happened after that?”

“Uh..after the sex part he called for Glen who came in with the built one, they blindfolded me and took me back to the same room. Ian didn’t come back until after lunch was brought, um sandwiches and water. He said it was my fault and before I could really object or say anything he was hitting me with a belt. He avoided my face on purpose.”

“Did he say anything as he hit you?”

“Yes. That he hated me, that I wouldn’t have him anymore, that he was his that he’d make him feel good and he’d be the one pleasing him from now on.”

“Any reason why he’d say that to you?”

“Zac was terrified obviously and when I tried to get him interested in the sex it just didn’t work. Ian claimed I did something wrong but the truth was probably much closer to he was hurting and he’s away from his family. Zac’s always been more into women than men even with me it’s clear. Ian doesn’t understand that concept nor does he seem to understand that in that frame of mind sex is not what you’re thinking of.”

“Understandable actually, you’re doing great. What occurred after the beating?”

“When he stopped hitting me I asked about Alexander and he told me he was dead, that he’d ordered Robert to throw him in the lake and let him drown and to just leave him there. I was worried about him and I wondered if he told Zac the same thing, I mean I never saw him again after that. The room I was in looked exactly like the first but it was different because the window was different, there was like a cage over it versus bars. Saturday afternoon they brought the sandwich and water again. I didn’t see anyone else that night.”

They finished writing down stuff and then waited.

“Sunday and Monday were much the same. Three meals, all sandwiches and water like before. Ian came in Sunday and repeated his belts twice, around noon and late afternoon. He kept blaming me for Zac not wanting him, kept telling me it was my fault. I didn’t quite understand but he said he hated me and that he’d wished that I’d stayed away.”

I heard Emily shift and looked, Alexander had laid down and fallen asleep but the look on her face worried me.

“He wasn’t blaming you, he was blaming me. He just couldn’t bring me there. He used you to replace me.” She said.

“He hates me too Emily, he said it was because Zac would have sex with me on his own and without being made too. It was all he said to me really beyond the lie about Alexander. Tuesday they didn’t come in after breakfast, it wasn’t until about 3ish maybe they came in blindfolded me and took me for a cold ass shower. Two washed me down, scrubbing under my nails and making sure I was clean. They dressed me in the same white t-shirt and boxers and moved me to the car. When they pushed me out onto the cold ass ground they threw my phone at me and then hauled ass.”

“Did you see anything about the car?”

“It was a van they used that time, side door and rear swinging doors. It was solid white and no markings; the tag was covered by a plastic faded and yellow cover. I’m sure it was to obscure the tag.”

“What did you do after that?”

“I called Max. I figured if Alexander really was gone then everyone would be watching her. He was here and I guess I could have asked but I just assumed. I didn’t know he was alive until he ran to me yesterday.”

They nodded and asked another dozen questions or so clarifying what I said, what the belt looked like, if I had been sexually assaulted in any way, the house and whatever I remembered. I realized that it wasn’t much at all, I hadn’t seen any street signs, addresses, or land marks for the blindfold. I felt like I was just being useless.

“Mrs. Hanson, are you ok?”

“Yeah, I have two sons pressing on my side though.”

I doubted that was the issue but Max got up and carefully moved Alexander off so she could sit up. He didn’t leave the room, just sat on the loveseat and held him.

“We’re going to place a wiretap on your phone with your permission.”

“Why? I told you Ian won’t contact me.”

“Zac’s brother’s increased the reward to three hundred thousand and obviously we’re getting tips all over the state but we looked into Ian’s financial records and he’s in debt quite a bit.”

“Define quite a bit.” She said.

“He’s approaching the million dollar mark. I can’t really give you an exact number but between eight hundred thousand and a million is his range. We wonder if he’s waiting for the reward to get high enough before he contacts you and with them upping it he might believe you could get more and make a ransom demand.”

It made sense to me but she just shook her head, long dark curls hung loosely around her face and it highlighted how pale she was.

“Ian doesn’t care about the money, he has what he wants. But, in the event you’re right you can. I won’t object to it.”

“Thank you. We hope we are right because ransom demands usually never work for the perp.”

She nodded and they asked if there were concerns or anything and none were given. So, they put something on the house phone before leaving and Eliza was waiting but Max sent her on her way quickly. Emily nibbled on crackers for lunch. Alexander woke up around 2 and after being changed, his nose cleaned, and another cup he played quietly right beside her, but he did come to me as well. Yet, as the afternoon wore on I kept my eyes on her, she was acting weirdly. She hadn’t commented on anything I said and she’d been kind of comatose with the cartoons. Max went down about four and checked the mail, laying it on the counter and he fixed dinner. It was after dinner that Alexander asked me for his father and I could see it in her face, just this blank look. She knew what was coming and there wasn’t anything we could do to help. When I couldn’t provide Zac, he started crying. Max and I watched completely helpless as she took him up-stairs again, I was praying that this wouldn’t be bad.

“I’m worried about her Max.”

“She did fairly well with Maddi here, but his crying spells are hurting and I wish I knew what to do.”

“You and I both.”

We went to the living room and his cries actually died down after an hour, so maybe she’d gotten him calmed down and in bed. I was just enjoying the freedom of being here without anyone telling me what to do. I heard her come downstairs; she’s opened the baby gate. I turned slightly and she was checking the mail but I could tell she’d been crying too, her eyes were puffy. I watched her eye a package, bubble mailer and she turned it over a few times before she opened it. She pulled something blue out of it and I recognized it as Zac’s phone case and his phone was there too. She laid it down and reached back in and pulled out something in a plastic bag. Whatever was in that plastic bag wasn’t good, the bubble mailer kind of fell from her fingers, landing beside her in the floor.

“Emily?” I asked.

She didn’t move, kept her focus on whatever was in her hands, I heard Max call her name too and she still made no movement. I saw the tears slid down her check and noticed the plastic bag was slightly moving, so I got up and started toward her. To be pregnant she moved fucking quick, she was standing there and then she was gone, Max and I ran after her but she was in her car and had it cranked and was backing out barely giving the door time to open. I chased her down the driveway before just watching the taillights disappear.

I ran back to the house where Max was on the phone with Detective Walker, telling her not to let her out, but he was too late she was out of the gate and gone.

“What the fuck was in that envelope?”

“I don’t know.” I said.

I called her phone, which was in her pocket and she didn’t answer. Max called and she didn’t answer. I called Taylor; he was the closest family member.

“Casey? Your back? Is Zac there too?”

“I am and no. Um…I need you to call Emily. Have Natalie call, have Isaac call.”

“Why? Isn’t she home?”

“She got something in the mail; it was Zac’s phone and something else. I never saw the other item, she left Taylor and I’m terrified it was something Ian sent to get her too.”

He hung-up and I presume started the rounds. I kept calling her, leaving messages to please answer me. I really didn’t want to call her brothers, but I did anyway. Aaron said he would drive around town and see if he could find her.

Zac was gone and now Emily was as well!