Infinity Chapter 86 - Just like you

[itztigress3]

Chapter 86 – Just like you
POV: Emily
Word count: 5081

June 20, 2014; Friday

  Glen had sent a few more messages since the first one, all with the same tone and overall message of the first one, which was alarming because what if he just took over where Adam left off? I wasn’t sure that we could handle another stalker or another person who wants to split us up. We didn’t reply to any of them, instead I would contact the two FBI agents. As a result, Detective Walker was here with me inside the house and two detectives were stationed at 3CG with them. Agents Stewart and Rodriquez were not taking risks this time and I was completely fine with that.

Eliza was coming over today and since I had the morning to myself I took a long hot shower and then as I got dressed I considered how I was going to work and take care of two babies, in addition I made time to talk to Jacey for a bit. Detective Walker made lunch for us about 11:30 and we ate at the table, she did simple soup and sandwiches, but it was nice of her to make sure I ate. I then returned to the living room, where about 1 she let Eliza in the gate and then met her in the garage. I was certain she was delivering the warning Zac had asked her too before he left.

I heard them come in. “Ems, I’m going to give you both some privacy. I’ll be on the porch but I will be able to see you. If you need anything, call me.”

“Thank you!” I called back.

I met Eliza at the break between the living room and kitchen and she paused, clearly taken aback. I had changed a lot since she last saw me in Georgia, little bean was little then and I was barely showing and now I was showing quite a bit. Eliza had chosen to wear a purple sundress with a geometric design across the bottom in white; she had worn her hair down, a simple chain around her neck but no rings. She looked cute but the lack of rings made me wonder, because she had worn her wedding band last time. I had gone simple with maternity shorts and the pink button up shirt Casey had made him wear.

“You um…look different. I um...I didn’t really believe you were pregnant.”

“I kind of figured you didn’t but I very much am and he is due any day now. There are assorted drinks in the kitchen; there are also fruit, vegetable and cheese trays. Help yourself and I sat down some glasses and plates.”

She fixed herself a glass of tea and we both made a plate of assorted stuff, I wanted the cheese mostly. I got a glass of water and then we sat down in the living room, but awkward silence filled the room as she looked at the pictures on the walls and shelves.

“Another son?” She asked.

“Yes, we don’t have a name yet. We have a list of names if that counts but we didn’t name Alexander until he was born, so not totally unusual for us.”

“He must be with Zac?”

“He is with Zac and Casey at the studio. Zac wouldn’t let him stay in the event that I got upset.”

Yet again it grew quiet, she kept rubbing her hands together almost like she wanted to talk, but either couldn’t or was afraid too. We both started to talk at the same time but stopped after just a few words.

“Will you please just listen?” She asked.

I bristled at that because she was telling me I should listen?! I had heard everything she had said and it seemed like she had ignored everything I had. The heart rate bumped up sharply and I started to tell her to just leave.

“You want me to listen to you when you wouldn’t me? You basically admitted that you think everything I said was a lie. You have no right to tell me to listen.”

“It didn’t seem like you did listen Emily, seemed like you just rejected and didn’t want to hear anything.”

The heart rate bumped again and again I wanted to tell her to get out, and maybe this wasn’t the best idea. I was kind of alarmed that Detective Walker was suddenly standing between us. She placed a hand on my shoulder; reassuring smile and I laid my hands on my knees and slowly began to count. She stopped Eliza when she started to talk and waited until the beeping stopped and my heart rate was normal. She then moved to the coffee table.

“I’ve heard about your previous encounters and know what happened during them. If you both keep resorting to those types of conversation then you can never move forward. This needs to be a fresh start for you both.”

“She wants me to listen when I was doing that all along!” I said. I hated how that sounded so...whiney.

“I know that! I’m just...I’m trying here ok. I don’t know how to do this.” Eliza said.

Detective Walker looked at me and I could basically read what she was thinking and I nodded, she got up and walked back to the porch and I looked at Eliza.

“I can’t promise what you say won’t piss me off or upset me, but if you hear the watch just stop talking and let it stop please. I won’t say anything.”

She nodded and paused. “I kept telling people, you included, that you couldn’t handle the truth, the reality was you could handle it and I couldn’t.”

I took a sip of my water and to keep myself from saying anything I got a block of cheese, but I put my attention on her. Her words confused me but I was determined I would listen.

“What you told me about our parents was so different from what I had heard my entire life. I couldn’t imagine or even conceive that what you told me was even partially true, not even after seeing the file from the case did I truly believe it. I refused to accept that our mother was dead and that the man I knew to be my father was so horrible. So, I convinced myself that you were lying to keep them to yourself, because I was also told you knew about me. When they told me you were kept I felt unwanted.”

“But you know I had no control over that, I was the same age you were, a few hours. I didn’t make that decisions Eliza.”

“I know but at the time it didn’t matter. I felt like you knew about me and you just didn’t care. We didn’t talk much about our mother, but my parents told me she was down to earth, polite, nice, smart, sweet, and very loving. They didn’t meet Dad but they told me he was basically the same but he was painfully shy and that was why they never met him. I never questioned what they told me Emily, they raised me. I considered looking for you a long time ago; it wasn’t that I didn’t want to be in your life, I just felt like you didn’t want me in yours. My parents were certain that you knew about me and you never reached out, I just figured you didn’t want too.”

She took a sip of the tea and got a cheese block as well and waited until she’d swallowed them to look at me.

“I could try to say that I was completely ignorant to your existence, but you went and married a Hanson. I saw the publication after your wedding and you didn’t mention siblings of any kind really, so I assumed you didn’t care to know about me or my life. It wasn’t until Grant saw you that I told him about you. I didn’t ask for the case, they assigned me and I knew I couldn’t avoid you forever, that at that point I had to eventually see you. I really didn’t expect you to react that way, defensive and angry. I mentioned David’s names and that was it, you shut down.”

At the mentioning of his name the heart rate went up and she got a few cheese blocks this time waiting until the monitor was quiet, I was shocked that she actually didn’t say anything until the monitor had resumed a normal beat.

“Zac told you to give me a few days and you didn’t. You barely gave me 12 hours and when you did call you immediately jumped into how your life had been, you didn’t bother to ask. I thought we were on good terms until February.”

“That was my mistake. I was not thinking about anything or anyone but myself, I was being selfish Emily. We just always yelled and you hit hard for a girl, but I couldn’t let go of the ideas in my head that you were lying to me and that I was right. I read the file and just said a bunch of stuff I know you wanted to hear, figured whatever I’d just move on but I couldn’t.”

“So, January was you just bullshitting everything?”

“Basically. I couldn’t admit what the problem was. February was me being very stupid and irrational, I guess I assumed you’d call me the moment they vanished; truth is you reacted exactly like you should have. I blamed you because I didn’t want to admit that you had been right, you told me what he was going to do. My boss was not very happy with our lack of progress and I was pissed when you went above my head. I think Max rejecting me was a good thing, I would have made things much worse.”

“I couldn’t risk losing them and I was pissed when the detectives told me about the lack of progress, that we should have had protection and the like. I couldn’t handle seeing you at the time, I was upset as it was and the passing out made them tell me to stay calm and avoid being upset. Max is a nurse and he crossed you off the list pretty early.”

She nodded, finished her glass of tea and got a refill for us both. It was quite for a moment or two and I looked at her.

“Did you figure out what the problem was? You said you couldn’t admit to yourself.”

“It took time to figure it out. I was so caught up in the idea that you couldn’t handle the truth that I couldn’t see it. I will admit the jail would have bombed out because I didn’t know you needed some code to get in, they would have never let me inside to see him. My boss was not happy that I even tried that.”

“I did not call them on that one.”

“The warden did after we left, I honestly thought David was the type of man that I’d been told about all of my life. I didn’t believe the file, didn’t believe anything you said about him. I believed what my parents told me about him and I couldn’t accept that your behavior toward him was off. Even at the jail I assumed that Zac and Aaron were just being overly protective of you.”

“You didn’t seem impressed when you saw him, I recall thinking that as I waited.”

“The wheelchair was proof that you hadn’t lied about that, it was more realizing that if that was true then perhaps other stuff was also. I was resistant and even when you told the Warden you were expecting I didn’t believe it.”

That made me wonder exactly how far in denial she was because the warden had noticed the growing bump, most everyone had at that point.

“I wondered what you thought that day; by the time I calmed down in the truck you were gone.”

She took a sip of her tea. “Do you have a bathroom down here?”

I pointed to the right area and she got up and disappeared into the bathroom. Detective Walker sent me a text and asked if I was ok, I told her I was and then I sent Zac a message too to say I was fine. He replied with a smiley face and I adjusted on the love seat, ate another cheese block and leaned back. She came back in and resumed her seat on the sofa. The bathroom break felt more like a way of escaping without being weird, but I kept quite on that.

“Concerning what I thought that day when you first went into the room, it was clear he did not expect you or Zac to be there, he immediately noticed and commented and Zac was fierce in his reply. It shocked me when David said that about our mom and about us, then called her a whore too. I didn’t ever think that.”

“Well, mom was no saint Eliza, she did have a considerable number of sexual partners both male and female, but she wasn’t a whore.”

“Your question to him caught me off guard and I wondered why you asked such a question. But his answer scared me and he looked sincere when he said that to you and I checked when I got home, Adam went to jail when you were 8 so the idea that he would have let him take you before then was shocking. When I came in he didn’t seem shocked or alarmed. I felt uncomfortable as the conversation went on; I guess you got to a point where you couldn’t handle it. You looked so…devastated when you looked at me.”

I took a sip of water but I didn’t say anything in reply to that.

“You bolted and he laughed, it was this mechanical laugh that said he’d only done that to hurt you and he did just that. You cannot even deny that what he said didn’t hurt you, I asked him why he said those things and why he was being so mean to you.”

I looked at her and I kind of didn’t want the answer.

“He said you deserved that and so much more, that he should have listened to Adam more and that he should have done more to stop the boys from being so protective. I left after that because everything was so fucked up, he wasn’t anything like my parents told me, and he was cruel. I saw you in the truck and it was like a wall hit me, everything you had said was true, the case and what he’d done to you. How he was.”

“Believe me Eliza, I wish it wasn’t true.”

She gave me a faint smile, smoothed her dress down and had finished off the grapes she had on the plate. It took her a little bit of time before she looked at me.

“I went home and told Grant but he didn’t seem to care, so I went to my parents. It was strange, my mom knew something was wrong the moment she saw me and she pulled me to her and in that moment I realized why you got so upset with me for bragging about having them, you didn’t have a mother to run too when you needed that hug. You didn’t even have a father that would protect you from men like Adam. All you ever had were your brothers and they couldn’t stand up to David at the time. I had a long talk with my mom and she made me realize that it wasn’t you that couldn’t handle the truth, it was me.”

“I didn’t know what a mother was like until I was 16, but then I didn’t see Craig’s mom as mine and she didn’t treat me like that either. She would be there if I needed her, but she wasn’t my mother.”

“I was jealous Emily.”

I blinked a few times, that had been a kind of random and sudden confession and while she had mentioned resenting the fact that I got to travel and see the world, she hadn’t mentioned being jealous of that at all.

“Jealous of what Eliza?”

“I was jealous of you and I didn’t realize that was the underlying problem until after the jail, until I talked with mom.”

“I’m confused Eliza, how can you be jealous of me? You and I have what we want.”

She faintly smiled. “I thought I had everything I wanted in life, thought I was happy. But you have what you want and I thought I did. I thought that Grant and I were happy, that I was fine with my life. I’m not. Yes, some is just material crap like you have the freedom to travel, visit countries, places and you have the nice house and the large property.”

“Eliza, you can have this too. It’s not that hard really.”

“It’s not just that though. I didn’t have the older brothers to protect me, don’t have in-laws that care about me. I messed up in February but I was spiraling already and I was mad that you didn’t call me. I should have backed off when you fainted and they rushed to you. Your sister in law hits as hard as you do and I just seen these people that love you and care, and I just knew that’d never be that way with me. You have Craig who even though you’re not really related, the man loves you. I just felt like I deserved that and I was jealous that you have that. I wasn’t worrying about what you missed not having parents, I was more focused on you had brothers that love you, family that cares and even friends that love you. Max and Maddi care about you, they wouldn’t let me near you.”

I really had no response. I didn’t know or even consider that she would feel that way and I really had no way of responding.

“It wasn’t just that, I know I overstepped it when I told you that you didn’t love Zachary or your son, that was uncalled for and I am sorry Emily. It’s clear you love them and it was me being jealous over what you have with him. He loves you with everything he has and he does so much to make sure you and Alexander are happy. The pictures I found online of you guys when I was searching for yours made it clear, he’s always near you or with you. You guys spent every day together at home or at work, with very little time apart. I saw the report where he hit people for you; you said he killed Adam for you. Grant and I aren’t like that, he is so career focused that I barely exist to him. Even when Zac is focused on music, if you need him, he’s there. Grant and I barely spent any time together and when I truly need him, he’s not there.”

I was finding my ability to find words was gone, I couldn’t find anything to respond to these new developments and I just kept quiet.

“I’ve wanted a baby for years now and he keeps telling me it’s not the right time or we were too busy. I get here and you have the cutest little boy ever and you love him, Zac is the best father in the world I think. He let Ian hurt him, so his son wouldn’t be. I’m not sure Grant would do that, he didn’t believe Ian raped him, said it was to cover an affair. I listened to Grant when my gut told me that wasn’t true, listened when I should have done more. I didn’t want to believe that you were pregnant again because that is two kids and I’m still stuck with my life. A life that I didn’t even realize I hated until I came here. You found your soul mate; have the little family, perfect life. I thought after the jail I’d just let go and if you came to find me then it would be fine.”

She paused to wipe her face off, I was glad she hadn’t worn make up because it would have been ruined. I handed her the box of tissue and I kept quite. I didn’t want to ruin anything. I really wasn’t sure what to say to what she said. I could see being a little off with the traveling and just material things, but this was deeper.

“I was ok with my decision until I was told you were taken. I did not want to believe he would go after you, but I called your phone all day and finally I called Zac’s. He didn’t hesitate to let me know that it was Ian and I believe he was mad about it. He sent me the pictures and it scared the hell out of me. I realized the last time we’d have ever seen each other was when you said you hoped I was happy, I couldn’t handle that we would never at least part ways in a good manner. It made me feel guilty that I was screwing things up because I was jealous that you had the husband, the brothers and the family that cares. Zac nailed it when he said I couldn’t move past whatever selfish need I had, what I had was jealously because he cares so much, because you have the family and about to have another baby.”

I’d never had anyone be jealous of my life and I didn’t know how to respond to that.

“You’re not the only one capable of feeling jealous Eliza. I was that you had the parents that love you, it’s obvious that even though there not your biological parents, they have always treated you like you were theirs.”

She tilted her head and the way her hair fell over her face same reminded me of me. “Seriously Emily? You have more of a reason than I do.”

I got up and as Casey would say, waddled over and she slide down so I could sit beside her. I still wasn’t sure what to say or even think about her admission to being jealous over my relationship with Zac and the fact we are together all the time. The fact that other people care about me made me wonder about her childhood and friends and other family.

“I really don’t know what to say here. I’ve never had anyone that was jealous over my life, then or now. You have a lot to Eliza, you have a career with the FBI and that is a major achievement in your life and I know it wasn’t easy. You have your parents that love and care about you; surely you have friends like Craig.”

“Most of them were given up when I joined the FBI. Samantha still talks to me a lot but they don’t know about you and I couldn’t turn to them like you could.”

“Casey and Zac were my sounding boards, I didn’t turn to Craig.”

“I really didn’t understand until after I saw him, realized what I was missing. I’ve spent my entire life working or going to school, you seemed to have figured that out so early in life.”

“I didn’t have a choice Eliza. I knew that I couldn’t go back to David and I knew I couldn’t stay with Craig’s mother. Actually it was Isaac that kind of gave me the push in 2003 when I was out here. I focused and all I did was study.”

“Didn’t you date? Have fun? Do things?”

“No. I went to a few parties with Craig’s sister and didn’t much like them. I focused on school. It was 2003 and I was 20 and I’d done mostly every class I could that wasn’t a major and it was time. Isaac and I talked business that meet and greet and I just knew it’s what I wanted. You seemed to have known all your life.”

“I was fourteen when I decided to join the FBI.”

“Can you tell me more about that? Why did you choose too? What prompted you to want to catch criminals?”

I was hoping to avoid myself and it worked, she spent the next hour telling me how she always loved cop shows and anything investigative and then when she was 13 there was a girl at school that was murdered and she was angry about it, so she decided to do something and figured the FBI was the best place to be. She’s done a lot of stuff with the FBI and with police work in general. She told me about Samantha, a close friend who encouraged her when she was down, turns out she had a Craig too as Samantha was a lesbian. Realization that our closest best friends were gay was a laughing moment. She told me more about Mary and Gene as well, at my request. I wasn’t even aware that it was late until I heard Alexander’s footsteps in the kitchen, running across the floor.

“Mama!” he yelped and was in my lap within moments.

“Wow, did you come home all by yourself?”

Zac giggled when he leaned down and kissed my cheek. “No, he had help from Daddy on that one.”

“Is is that late?” I asked.

“It’s after six. Eliza, I assume things went well?”

She smiled and nodded. “Yeah.”

“Well, since you apparently haven’t fixed dinner I guess it’s a good thing I got pizza.” He said.

“Read my mind.” I said.

“Apparently mine too.” Eliza said.

Alexander looked at her and then me, but he didn’t go to her and I wasn’t going to be stupid to think he would mistake her for me. He had after all, come running to me and not her.

“Baby.” He said.

“Baby is almost ready to meet you.” I said.

Zac had gone to get the pizza from the truck and drinks and whatever else he’d gotten on the way home.

He glanced back at her and she smiled. “Hey Alexander.”

He looked confused. “This is Eliza.” I said.

He looked at me and furrowed his brow and I giggled. “You look just like your daddy there. This is Eliza, she looks like Mommy and that’s ok. She is Mommy’s sister.”

Again that furrowed brow and he looked at her again. “Iza?” he asked.

“Yes. Eliza.”

“Iza.” He stated.

“Well, I guess you have a new name, Iza.”

“I must say no one has ever called me that, I’ll take it.”

We got up and had dinner, where Zac got to talk to her a bit and ask his own questions. She left after dinner and I agreed to have her back the next day for a bit, so she and I could talk. Zac had said they were going in, so it would be good timing.

“I take it things went better?”

“I let her do the talking actually; apparently she was jealous and just unsure. She really believed that David was this nice man and everything I said was a complete contradiction. Her seeing him was a good thing; it helped her to see how he was really and it pushed her to talk to her parents. It’s when she realized she was jealous over things. Like the fact that you and I are so close and always together, we work together and we’re here, we spend most of our time with each other. Her and Grant don’t have that. Career wise we’re good but she was slightly off because I do have like the ideal job. She was jealous that my brothers, all of them, care so much and would do anything. It was enlightening to hear, I had no idea what to say to any of it and I could have used you!”

“No, you two need to sort this yourselves. But maybe letting you know and being able to talk about that without screaming at each other is what you need. Everything was weird when she came and things snowballed and it’s not entirely her fault or yours. Perhaps you wouldn’t have reacted to strongly had you not been pregnant.”

“Maybe, I do feel like my reactions to things are just amplified with this one, panic attacks, high blood pressure, fainting, I think I’d rather hug the toilet than go through that.”

“I would have preferred that as well.”

“I’ll talk with her tomorrow again and see where we go from there. It was nice.”

“Good. Do you feel like you understand her better now?”

“I do. She admitted to being wrong and apologized. Most of her reactions were based on jealously.”

“It can cause problems, we saw that with Layla. But, I think now that you know how she feels it will be better.”

“She asked about my dating history.”

“Did you tell her anything?”

“No. I skated it and asked her about her career, which worked. I mean really, my dating life is pathetic.”

“Are you trying to say I’m pathetic?”

“No. Just saying that before you it didn’t exist, you’ve had more girlfriends than I have had boyfriends.”

“I had three Emily, it’s not like I dated around either. So you didn’t want to its ok.”

“I got the feeling she’s done a lot more than me in the area.”

He kissed my forehead. “She didn’t have David as a dad Emily, she had more freedom when it came to dating and even sex.”

I giggled. “No, sex was always just waiting for you to be there.”

“Great ego booster Em, good job, didn’t need it though.”

“Good, you get bedtime duty again.”

“Not that I mind. Want to fix his cup?”

“Sure.”

He got Alexander and I fixed the cup, by the time I made it up the steps he had Alexander changed and ready for bed. He wasn’t taking much at bedtime anymore and given he was tired already then it didn’t take long before he was asleep. We laid down and after getting into as comfortable of a position as I could, he curled up to me and we talked about what had occurred between us some and then eventually fell asleep.