Infinity Chapter 120 - Nightmare On My Street

[itztigress3]

Chapter 120 –  Nightmare on my Street

POV:  Emily / Zac

Word count: 5124



June 27, 2015

  Waking up at 3 and 4 am was not my ideal time, especially when the days seem to be very long now that the Roots N Rock N Roll Tour had been announced and pre-sale was on Monday. The boys were ecstatic for the new tour and my task was arranging for the replacement tour bus, hiring the additional crew, and ensuring that everything would be packed and ready to go. The bus was paid for by the insurance and would have the same features and style as the one Ian destroyed. It was due to be delivered in July sometimes. I was also not planning to conduct interviews until August, although I had sent out formal letters to some of the crew we had for Anthem.

I sat at the kitchen table tracing patterns on the wood, wishing I could just go back to sleep. It was 4 am and I’d been up an hour already. I was rather surprised when Christopher came into the kitchen, groggy and half asleep.

“Why are you up at 4 am?” I asked.

He jumped a foot off the ground and spun around, clearly I had scared him but I simply waited for an answer to my question because he would eventually realize I was sitting here.

“Jasmine woke up for a clean diaper, what are you doing up at 4 am?”

“Just woke up.”

He fixed himself a cup of hot chocolate and then sat down at the head of the table. Their house was ready, Zac was painting the nursery today and tomorrow while they set up the rest of the house, everyone was helping them move in and I would be glad to have them gone. I loved them, I really did. But more than once they tried to give Isabella jarred baby food and the one time she did eat it, it had given her diarrhea and throwing up for two days. Not something I liked nor did Zac.

“You know you’ve been waking up around three quite often. You looked exhausted Emily.”

I felt it too, there were barely any marks left to remind me of those days locked in a dark basement, the cuts were nearly gone and the pain was minimal, a few places still hurt but nothing major.

“I just can’t sleep.”

He looked at me. “You’re having nightmares Emily. Zac told us two weeks ago when he stopped us from coming up when you woke up. He wouldn’t tell us anything else though.”

“Nothing anyone can do Christopher, they’ll eventually go away.”

“What are they about?”

“Stuff.”

He eyed me critically for far too long. “There not just stuff Emily. You flipped out when Craig took Jasmine and Alexander with him to the store the other day, you nearly cussed the man out. I’m not one of Zac’s brothers, I’m not your in-laws, I’m your brother and I know it’s not just stuff. What are they about?”

I took a sip of my water, I hadn’t really talked to anyone but Zac. Zander tried but I just couldn’t talk to him like Zac had been able to do.

“Glen had decided to kill us both, because our pictures were everywhere and he knew he couldn’t leave Maysville with either of us without being seen or reported. I mean really, Maddi, Max, Ryan and Cody all live and work there, our pictures are in Maddi’s studio so people know us. The individuals living there know who we are, they would report us being seen. He told me he was coming after Isabella, that while I had not screamed for him, she would and she’d die before her first birthday.”

“He’s dead Emily. He’s not coming after anyone.”

“I know that Christopher, I saw him. I touched him and I know he’s dead. It doesn’t stop the dreams though. None of you have been tied to some wooden torture device and beaten with a flogger because you wouldn’t recite ten little rules, ones I knew. Same ones Adam taught me.”

“If you knew them, why not say them Emily?”

I took another sip of the water and considered how to answer him. “That was just phase one Christopher. Adam had several phases and I assumed that Glen did too. The only thing keeping me remotely sane was the memories of Zac and my children. Picking one and focusing on that made the pain seem less. I was afraid if I gave him what he wanted, the next phase would be getting me to forget about them. Same crap Adam tried. They were keeping me alive, I couldn’t lose that.”

“Days Emily. He kept on for days.”

“I was not going to be his slave Christopher. I didn’t care what he did to me, as long as he was focused on me then he wasn’t focused on Zac, Alexander or Isabella. I didn’t want the sick bastard near any of them. Whose to even say he would have stopped with Isabella? You realize that she and Jasmine are the only two girls right?”

“He wouldn’t come after her.”

I blinked, that was a point blank bold statement like Jasmine wasn’t part of our family, that he knew her safety was secured unlike my own family.

“Right, because she’s not mom’s biological granddaughter? Only you and Craig know who fathered her Christopher. I couldn’t risk that Glen would just assume she was yours and therefore another female heir.”

“So, what are your nightmares about?”

“Lot’s of things. Dark rooms where I can see my children but never do anything to help them or stop him before he tries to kill them, I wake up before he does. Other times it’s whips, razor blades, oddly enough sometimes killer vibrators.”

He suppressed a giggle and I couldn’t blame him on the killer vibrator part, Zac had been amused too.

“You told Zac right?”

“Yeah, every details of every one. It’s not helping that I am talking to him.”

He got my hand and smiled. “Emily, your children are safe. Everyone that could possibly want to hurt them is dead. Adam, Paul, David, Ian,
and Glen are all dead. They cannot hurt you, Zac, Alexander or Isabella.”

“I know that Christopher, but it hasn’t done anything to stop them. Zac has tried telling me that right before I fall asleep, but it doesn’t do anything.”

“Maybe you should seek professional help.”

“A shrink? Funny.”

“What? You don’t think all of us haven’t at some point? I saw one for a year after you left, again after finding out about David and what he did. You weren’t the only person that was affected Emily and we didn’t have Zac to talk too or scream at us to make us talk. You don’t have to go all the time, but maybe what you do need is someone who isn’t related to you.”

“To do what? Tell me what I already know?”

He smiled. “No. To tell you what the rest of us won’t touch because we’re terrified you’ll blow a gasket.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Exactly what do you want to tell me that will lead to that?”

“Not tricking me Emmy.”

“You said it. Now what is it?”

He finished his cup and moved my glass out of reach before he looked at me.

“That you are not super woman, you are not invisible, you’re not bulletproof. These men have stalked, kidnapped, hurt, abused, and tried to tear you all apart from the inside and the outside. We’re all worried that you are just not handling this, much like you did with Eliza. Granted, you were pregnant then and we let it slide but let’s face it Emily, you didn’t want to deal with her, so you didn’t.”

“I had a legit reason not to deal with her. Two doctors told me to avoid anything that upset me, she upset me, therefore she was avoided. Don’t even try to lay that all at my feet either, you and everyone else agreed with me. ”

“We knew what they said and come on, we’ve all known you since you were born or in Zac’s case, long enough to know what’s going on. If you weren’t pregnant with Isabella you would have found another reason to avoid her Emily. Until you were ready, you just didn’t deal with her and avoided her at all cost. You don’t need to do that with this.”

“I’d throw something but you moved my cup.”

“It’s why I moved it. Why don’t you head up and try to sleep a little longer. Even if you don’t sleep, just lay there. Snuggle with Zac, I’m sure he’d be fine with it.”

I hated how he basically told me what to do then got up, washed the cup and then went back downstairs. I went back to bed for a few hours until she woke up at 7. Zac and Alexander didn’t get up until almost 8 and by then I was nursing her after having peaches. She had increased on fruits and loved peaches and mangos, she was good with veggies too liking green beans, sweet potatoes, and peas. The only meat we had tried was turkey and she was iffy with that. Zac fixed breakfast for everyone and Craig came up with Jasmine about 8:20 and Zac handed him her already prepared bottle.

“Life saver!” he said.

“About her normal time to be up and starving.”

She also had peaches but they were opting for jarred food. Once the three little ones were fed, changed, and clothed for the day along with us adults the three of them left and went to Craig and Christopher’s new house. There was no point in having three kids there, Isabella was walking better now, Jasmine was crawling and Alexander just ran. They would serve to just be a distraction, so I opted to keep them here at home. Granted, a small part of my reason was they were completely safe right here. I did feel odd being alone. When Amanda came in the back door shouting she was here and for me not to call the cops, I was rather shocked.

“What’s up?”

“What are you doing here?”

“Sean volunteered to help Zac paint today, he and Taylor are both over there helping Zac. Isaac is also there but he is helping them do whatever else needs to be done. Since I can’t paint worth a flip and I don’t do heavy lifting. I came here to assist you in baby duty.”

She flopped down beside me and after saying hello to the children she looked at me and waited.

“What? I’m I to thank you for the help?”

“No. You could talk to me though because as your BFF for so long I can tell something is up.”

“Nothing to talk about, I’m having nightmares and they’ll eventually go away. How is the new apartment?”

“It’s awesome. We decided that we would wait another year for a wedding though. Make sure we can tolerate each other all the time, but so far
it’s going really well. We have moved in and unpacked things and sorted whose junk was going where.”

“That’s good. Eliza finally got settled in her own apartment as well. She got a two bedroom which helps in case her parents want to visit.”

“Or her niece and nephew with the last name of Hanson?”

I didn’t respond to her but I did look at her sternly, there was no way I trusted Eliza that much right now. To allow my children to be out of sight that long? Hell no. The other’s may trust her with their own children, but right now I barely trusted anyone but Zac to leave them alone with.

“Ahh, not quite there yet. She did save your life Emily, I am sure she would their lives too.”

“She did, but it doesn’t matter when it comes to my children. I’m not sure I feel comfortable with them being at Christopher’s yet, you see how close he is.”

“Nightmares that bad?”

“I keep losing them, every single one.”

She frowned and for several moments was quiet. “Christopher mentioned to Zac while I was there that he told you to see a shrink this morning but you refused.”

“That shit again? I don’t need a shrink. If talking to my husband doesn’t work, then how can they help?”

“Because they aren’t your husband? What do you have against shrinks? There professionals Emily.”

“I don’t want to repeat everything in my life Amanda. Zac knows everything that occurred, he was there and he saw the reactions. If he can’t tell me what will make this better how can someone whose never met me and has no clue about my life be able to?”

“Maybe what you need is to talk about everything, because let’s be real Emily you often don’t tell us everything and you often tend to say I’m
fine when you’re not.”

“Not you too.”

“I saw someone after Bradley, I needed too. I still see someone here in Tulsa Emily, not all the time but a few times a year. Sure, I tell you much the same thing I do her and your advice has been close to hers as well, but there are times where you censor a reply because you don’t want to hurt my feelings or because you’re unsure of the answer. You have a high stress job, you have a high stress personal life without dealing with the maniacs you have.”

“So exactly how much are you and everyone else tampering your advice to me? I ask you for honest opinions and I expect them not to be tampered down to suit my mood.”

She smiled. “I am sure Zac knows better and he also knows how to phrase things that won’t upset you. But, the rest of us may not. I can give you my therapists number. She’s really good. Her name is Christina Lints and she’s got an office a mile or so from 3CG.”

I glared at her, she was all but shoving this name down my throat! She looked hopeful but I couldn’t really say she was wrong. Our lives were high stress, between the studio and then personally it was all the time. Fans were often relentless and they sometimes didn’t care if I heard how they talked or referred to not just Zac, but the whole family. It was often all I could do not to attack them.

“I don’t know..” I said.

“Think about it Emily, what’s important is you being here for them. You cannot do that sleeping four or five hours a night. It’s showing how tired you are, what happens when you tour? You’re going to end up in the hospital again. Speaking of, she has a stored milk why don’t you lay down for a bit? You look exhausted Emily.”

“I’ll just wake up again and I don’t want to scare them, Alexander is OK with me leaving the room but not her. She follows me to the bathroom and around the house, I can’t lay down without her there.”

She smiled and it wasn’t until after lunch and Isabella was taking her nap that she had me lay down too. Jasmine was asleep and Alexander laid down with me, fuck. I was doomed there and before long I was asleep.

I was really glad that it was Isabella patting my arm that woke me up. The dream was starting to get bad again, this time I was trying to claw my way out of pit of darkness and was making no progress. She was standing beside me, repeatedly patting my arm and I blinked a moment, didn’t see Amanda anywhere.

“Amanda?”

“In the kitchen, you ok?”

“Yeah, she just kept patting my arm.”

“Mama.”

At first I thought it was Alexander but then I saw him laying on the loveseat, asleep still so I looked at Isabella.

“Mamamamama.”

She may not fully know what it meant but my little girl was growing up. I picked her up and sat her in my lap, Jasmine was still asleep where she’d laid down.

“I didn’t even know she was awake!” Amanda said.

“She doesn’t usually sleep long, couple of hours. He however needs to get up or he will never sleep tonight.”

She got him up and he was not happy about it but he was fine once he found a toy. Isabella was ready for her 3pm feeding and with just Amanda here, I didn’t care to cover up.

“Brave woman.”

I smiled. “I have to take her up-stairs when I want to be shirtless, because of Craig and Christopher are here. I know there busy right now.”

“No fear, I’m well adept to know the human breast. I was thinking if Sean and I work and we have kids, which he does want, I may follow your lead.”

“I wasn’t sure when I started with him, was a little afraid I wouldn’t produce enough milk, or it wouldn’t be good enough for him. But, I tried. The benefits outweighed anything else. He nursed a little over a year and it was a no brainer with her.”

“I read up on it some when you said you were with her. I like the benefits and the ease, but is it normal for them to want to wait so long to eat solids?”

“I don’t know, Riley was eating solids much sooner than Alexander was, there only a month apart. She showed some interest but wouldn’t really eat anything. But, they do like a wide variety of foods and I tried to eat a wide variety too.”

“You did great with them.”

“I tried, Zac helps a lot too you know.”

“He helped bring them here, but I am sure he does a lot once there here too.”

“Oh yeah, changes diapers like a champ and will readily feed if he can. He’ll hold them all day if that’s what they want. I’m not sure how tour
life will be with two, that might be a breaking point.”

She laughed. “Just don’t let them both wonder on stage.”

“Oh dear god no!”

“Want me to fix something for dinner?”

“You don’t have too.”

“Hey, me casa sue casa and all that bullcrap. Besides, it will let you play with them for a while.”

“Deal.”

She brought me Jasmine’s bottle when she got fussy and it was nice to just sit in the floor and play with them. Isabella loved that and so did Alexander, Jasmine was too because I was helping her learn to walk as well. Yet, as I sat here and helped and watched them play and knew that I wanted more than two, the reality set in.

I was exhausted and I was having problems at work too, because I just wanted to scream and yell at people much quicker than usual. I’d caught myself two weeks ago from yelling at Alexander for simply playing with the same toy, noisy or not. But, if Zac couldn’t get through to me and move me forward, what could anyone else do?

Sure, they wouldn’t tamper or condense anything and they wouldn’t tiptoe around subjects, but that also means going through my entire life with this person so that he or she would truly understand. Years of feeling left out, alone, and abandoned by my family to everything David and the others had done. Zander and I had helped Zac, avoided a therapist but Zac had volunteered to go with me if that was what I wanted. Could that be his way of saying he wouldn’t mind seeing someone as well?

My disappearance had to be hard on him and added neither of the kids had handled it well. Alexander and Isabella spent a lot of the time crying and screaming for me, maybe a little therapy would be nice for us all? I knew that I couldn’t keep functioning on limited sleep, tour was going to be hard because I know had to do it all again because Velma was gone. Her death seemed to latch and perhaps I didn’t really deal with that.

Amanda sat down beside me and smiled. “You want her number now?”

I narrowed my eyes to her. “You bitch.”

She smiled. “Zac may know you very well but he can never top me, Craig can try but obviously he can’t either. You just needed to be reminded of why you’d be doing this. You need help Emily and it’s fine to ask for it. I trust Doctor Lints, she’s well respected and very private. I’ve never seen a fellow client of hers, we enter and exit different areas.”

“She’s not some quack that is going to shove some pill down my throat right? Because, really, I don’t want to take anything unless there is no other alternative.”

“No. She won’t do that unless absolutely necessary. It’s one of the reason I chose her, patient reviews said she listened, was respectful and they
all said that she didn’t just jump to medications to deal. She believes in exploring and finding the root problems.”

I sat there with Isabella in my lap, banging on a toy keyboard she had gotten for Christmas.

“She may reject me as a client once I start talking, but put her number in my phone and I’ll call her Monday. I may have to bring them with me though but I am sure I can sneak away.”

“Isabella is generally fine when Zac is there and I am sure Zac will watch them for you. She may even want to meet with you all at first.”

“On another note…they approved gay marriage yesterday. I am pretty sure we should expect a few marriages in the next year or so.”

She smiled. “I know. Haven’t your fathers been together a very long time?”

“Yeah, 15 years this year, not sure when though. I mean Nathaniel changed his last name ten years ago to Erikson, but legally they haven’t been married.”

“I hope they do, there a cute little couple. Do you think Aaron and Christopher will also?”

“I’m not sure really, they never really mentioned it before. Craig did years ago, but he said then the prospect of that happening was slim, but who knows now. What are you fixing for dinner anyway?”

“Vegetable soup and I have some carrots for little miss Isabella, have you tried those yet?”

“Not yet but she’s due up for a new veggie, it’s been about a week since we introduced the peas.”

“There cooking in the steamer, should be ready with enough time to cool and puree.”

“You get me so well, I had to yell at them they were trying to feed her jarred food. My kids are picky as hell, they don’t do jar food.”

“If you get Jasmine hooked they may complain.”

“Oh, I have given her the fresh stuff and she seems to like it better but she still eats the jar stuff and I understand for them it’s easier. They have done fairly well with her though.”

“So…what’s new with the family? We haven’t been able to catch up much, changing jobs and moving was a bitch.”

“Oh my god! I haven’t told you yet! Jason and Sophia are expecting twins, they went last Friday for the sonogram and they believe it’s a boy and a girl and there due in October but she could be early or late, there so far doing very well. Ike told us last night there expecting a little girl, they are beyond ecstatic about that too.”

“No shit? Twins and a little girl?”

“I saw Ike’s sonogram, Jason sent me a picture of theirs.”

“Tell them congratulations from me. What is happening at 3CG? Poor Sean’s been working himself to death.”

“Tour talk and preparation. Demetrius and Andrew are coming out for practice and to record the new EP, which will feature some cover songs.
This tour is insane it’s 20 stops but we’re more stationary.”

“Wait…your going?”

“Yeah, without Velma I have to go and be the tour manager. I sent out formal letters of request to previous crew members with the details, so far only Kurt has replied with a firm yes. He will be our driver again.”

“Wow. Is Eliza going too?”

“Yes, she is. Um, she requested the time off and once she returns her transfer to Tulsa’s FBI division should be completed. She then has some training to do and then she’ll be moved on to her permanent position.”

“It’s good for her to be around you, protection.”

“I don’t know, she’s never ridden on a bus with all men before, I’m use to it. She’s not.”

“She’ll adjust I am sure. So, is Aaron going to have kids?”

“No. He and Zander have talked about it but he doesn’t want them and Zander kind of does but with so many nieces and nephews, he pretty
much said it was fine not too.”

“He never did seem keen on having them.”

“Nope. You wanted two right? Still want two?”

“Yep. Sean would like two as well.”

“Zac wanted like four or something, but last time I asked he said two was fine.”

“Of course he did.”

She got up and checked on her soup and about fifteen minutes later the men arrived. Sean was like Zac, he went right to her and gave her a kiss much like Zac did me before he nabbed Isabella and tossed her up. Getting a laugh and a squeal. Jasmine crawled right to Christopher which honestly seemed to help him feel like she truly loved him.

“Get the room done?”

“No, but we should finish it tomorrow.”

He sat down and it gave me time to move around and help Amanda finish dinner. We sat down at the table for dinner about 6:30 and I fed Isabella and Zac took Alexander, Jasmine wanted Christopher to feed her and not Craig.

After dinner we retired to the living room to let the three little ones play and we planned out the next day, which was basically a repeat of today.

“So, we wanted to tell you first.” Craig said.

I looked up and waited on whatever it was they were about to tell me.

“We talked about things and we’ve decided on two things.” Christopher said.

By now we were all looking at them and waiting for the two things they had decided on.

“The first is that we’ve been together for a long time and while we originally weren’t going to bother with making things official, we have decided to do that. Christopher said that since Jasmine’s last name is mine, that he would change his.”

“You’re getting married?”

“Yes.” Craig said.

“When?”

“Probably next year, we were thinking February maybe. But, we haven’t looked into it but if possible I’d like for you to marry us Emily.”  Craig said.

“Wait, what? You want me to marry you two?”

“Yes. If possible, I’m not even totally sure it would be possible but if it is, that’s what we’d like.” Christopher said.

I really hadn’t expected that and was kind of shocked. “I’ll do it, if it’s legal.”

“Great. The second thing is that we’ve decided we wanted one more child. We asked Jacey again and she agreed to be the surrogate and the new baby would have the same parents essentially.” Christopher said.

“New babies are always welcomes.” Zac said.

“Jacey agreed to start trying last month but so far we’ve tried once and failed. We aren’t trying again until August though. It may not be as quick as before.”

“I am sure she’ll be a good surrogate. Jasmine seems to still care for her.”

“Yeah, we agreed with her that we’d keep in touch like her previous times. She’s really good with kids but this will be her last one. She’s engaged to a wonderful guy and she said after this baby they want to try when it’s safe for her.”

“That would be awesome.” Zac said.

“So, we are getting married and we will have one more child. We just wanted you to know and we will formally tell the family once we have more details like if February is what we really want.”

“I think that’s totally awesome and a valentine wedding would be awesome. If you want, I can help plan it in downtime.” Amanda said.

“We may totally take you up on that.”

There was more talk about the wedding and baby plans but everyone was tired. Amanda and Sean retired to the up-stairs bedroom about 8:30ish and Zac and I followed an hour later. Isabella was fed and ready for bed and Zac tended to the little wild man. By 10:30 they were both asleep, we were both changed and laying down.

I curled up beside Zac. “Amanda is giving me the number to the lady she sees in town.”

“Are you actually going to call this woman and talk to her or did you just say you would to shut her up?”

“I think I will call. A few hours isn’t enough and with the tour coming up there will be a lot of times where you’ll be practicing late and I’ll have them. I can’t be exhausted and be able to keep up with them both plus work.”

“There is nothing wrong with talking to a therapist, considering what we’ve both been through and the ups and downs, I think it would be good for both of us and even the kids, even though they are young, our absences had a bad effect on them.”

“I will call her Monday, see if she has anything available.”

I felt the soft lips on my forehead. “Goodnight Emily, I love you.”

“Goodnight honey, I love you.”

I drifted off pretty quickly but at 3 I woke up unable to breathe, sweating, and terrified. That black pit had consumed everything and everyone but me and I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t breathe and it scared Zac when I shook him awake. It took him over an hour to get me calm enough to not feel like I was dying. To not feel that emptiness.

If I had doubts before, that one sealed it. I couldn’t wake up like this every night. I put a reminder in my phone to call Doctor Lints Monday. At this rate, by October I wouldn’t be sleeping period. I did lay back down, but sleep never came. I just laid there and listened to him breathing and the stillness of the house.