Infinity Chapter 122 - Breakthrough

[itztigress3]

Chapter 122 – Break through

POV:  Zac

Word count: 3409



August 17, 2015

 I was worried about Emily because she really wasn’t sleeping enough and it was showing in all aspects of her life. She was doing okay physically she was sometimes a bit more clumsy and unstable but she wasn’t really just falling. It was more her mental and emotional stability I was concerned with. She was showing signs of slower thinking at work, taking more time to complete invoices or respond and as bad as my spelling was at times, I’d seen huge drops in hers and that wasn’t normal. In additions, she was walking away from people to avoid just blowing up on them, granted that was better than blowing up on them over a petty issue. But, it also meant she was bottling everything up and the impending explosion would be very bad and at this rate, it was going to occur before the tour started. Yet, who she choose to blow up on would be a mystery.

She decided not to return to Doctor Lints, but I knew she could help and I knew Emily needed it. I couldn’t help her right now and it was making me feel bad because I had no idea what to say or do that would get rid of the nightmares or at best, allow her to go back to sleep. I was getting her to see the doctor, wanted or not and I would risk flirting with being the target of the explosion. I would much rather it be me than any of the kids or even anyone else, I would understand everything she says wouldn’t be meant to hurt me. I was also sure by her quietness that she had an idea of where we were headed, she just wasn’t saying anything about it. Casey and Robert had our children at Casey’s and would until we returned to get them. I parked in the parking lot and shut the truck off.

“This isn’t going to help Zac. Why even bother?”

“Because you can’t keep going on like you are. It’s affecting you personally, it’s affecting your job, and most important it’s effecting the care of our kids. Ems, you put ghost peppers in Alexander’s food and if I hadn’t caught that you would have set his mouth on fire and potentially caused permanent damage to his taste buds and mouth.  I know you didn’t mean too and I know it’s just because you’re so damn tired, your not thinking straight.”

She frowned, I was sure she felt bad enough about that incident and I knew it was a dick move to bring it up, but it seemed like that was what was needed to get her to quit being stubborn and do this.

“She only wants to talk about what happened 20 years ago.”

“Which is why I am coming with you. If she doesn’t want to move forward and actually make some improvement then I will personally cancel the rest of the appointments and either find another therapist or find another way. Even if I have to ask Zander for help.”

She looked at me confused and I knew why, Zander had already tried and failed. But, Zander also wouldn’t do anything beyond talking and she knew I’d do whatever the hell it took with some limits. There was no way I could physically hurt her like Glen had. She looked at me for a long time before she finally sighed and got out of the truck. The appointment was at 1 and I had arrived early expecting a bit more of a fight. We walked inside together and checked in and she called us back about 12:50.

Doctor Christina Lints was a pretty woman in her mid to late thirties. She had a fair complexion with hazel eyes. Her hair was darker at the roots and then got lighter and seemed to go from brown to blonde, she always wore light make up and kept her hair in loose curls. Today she was wearing a white t-shirt with a navy blue pant suit and black low heels.

"Good evening Mr. And Mrs. Hanson.

"Good evening Doctor Lints.”

Emily only nodded and dropped into the love seat and I sat down beside her. She moved to the chair across from us and consulted with some notes before she looked up, the appointment was for Emily, but I had told her I needed to be here.

"I see the last time you were here Mrs. Hanson we were discussing your childhood."

Emily scoffed and I laid my hand on her thigh she didn’t need to go off on this poor lady or did she?

"Doctor Lints I think that approach is wrong for her. I met her well after all of that occurred and she didn’t exhibit any of the signs she does now. Retelling those times is making her nightmares much worse and instead of a few times a week there every night now."

She seemed a little surprised. "The purpose is to find the root cause of the problem, which is the night mares. Are the nightmares the same?"

"No. There worse. Instead of it being just about Glen and what he did its now encompassing them all. They often now include our children being hurt or even killed. She’s even died in them. I have and even family members such as our niece that was born right after our daughter. This doesn’t have anything to do with what David did when she was a kid."

"Do they involve the kids being hit?"

I felt Emily’s thigh tighten under my hand and I looked at her. It was clear the question irritated her. It kind of irritated me as well.

"Yes. It does often include them being hit prior to being killed. But she wasn’t having nightmares about herself dying before she was 16 until she came here and started talking about it.”

"David hit her often. Its fear Mr. Hanson and she needs to work through that to eventually work on current situations which are also fear based."

"I’m not fucking afraid of that bastard and I know damn well he is fucking dead and can’t ever touch my children or anyone else. It’s the jackasses he could have hired to follow me everywhere! He hit me. I get it. I left the bastard when I was 16 and got over the fact that he was just a child abuser."

She seemed mildly taken back. "You are dreaming about him hitting you and your kids. It shows fear."

"I never said it was David doing the hitting. You didn’t listen you latched on to some childhood bullshit crap. It’s no one. All I see is them being hit by a dark figure. I can’t even tell if it’s a man or a woman. If you can’t help me then tell me, because I’m not sitting here for six fucking months to tell you all about the shitty things David did to me. He hit me. He used belts to punish me. I got help for that from friends when I was sixteen and seventeen. My dreams aren’t of that, there much worse. David never said he wanted my children for anything, he only wanted to see them.”

She paused and appraised Emily a moment, her stance had gotten tight and she had a point. I know the common rule of thumb was childhood traumas lead to adult problems, but up until Glen she hadn’t been this bad.

“Have you had nightmares before?”

“In 2009 after Adam was at the apartment I did, but usually if Zac came to me or was there I was fine and I’d go back to sleep the same thing after they kidnapped me and held me for a week. Sure, I’d wake up and I’d be afraid but all he had to do was let me know I was ok.”

“I believe the root cause is somewhere before that occurred and I…”

“If you’re not going to fucking listen to me then I can go back home. Your suppose to listen to me and decide what is best for me but all you want me to fucking do is tell you how badly the man I called father hit me. Fine!”

Most of that had been screamed and while her voice came down a few octaves it was still just as loud and forceful as she basically screamed every single bad moment of her childhood concerning David. Most of it was him hitting her, ignoring her, and obviously the later problems of those pictures.

I thought after thirty minutes of screaming it at her she’d be done, but no she kept on and the one time I tried to get her to stop, she gave me a death glare and I didn’t bother anymore after that. Emily only paused briefly in between bursts and by the time she was done her entire face was red and she just stormed out, slamming the door hard enough to knock a picture off the wall. The room fell deathly quiet.

“I…Um…I’m sorry about that. I was rather hoping it would be me she blew up on.”

She seemed extremely shocked and perhaps a tiny bit afraid, Emily was a force to be recon with when she was pissed.

“Will she be ok alone?”

I smiled a bit. “I know to give her ten or fifteen minutes to cool off. Otherwise, it doesn’t do any good.”

“Didn’t feel like she was lying, you’re her husband was that pretty much everything?”

“There may have been one or two small incidents she didn’t say but yeah that’s pretty much it.”

“Can you go make sure she is ok and come back when she’s calm.”

I nodded and then got up and went to find her. It wasn’t hard she was sitting in the truck, crying hysterically so I slid in beside her and let her snuggle all she wanted. I rubbed her arms and even played with the slight curls and just let her calm down.

“Do you feel somewhat better now?”

“No.”

“Well, she doesn’t seem pissed off or upset. In fact, I think to some degree she almost expected something close but not as explosive. She did request we come back.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

She nodded some and sat up, wiped her face off and blew her nose and then we headed back to the office. Doctor Lints hadn’t moved from the chair and she was writing something down when we came in. She glanced up as we sat down.

“I’m sorry.” Emily said.

“You don’t owe me an apology Emily, it’s what you needed. You kept stalling in the previous sessions, I wasn’t quite expecting such a
loud outburst and it may take time to translate it all.”

“I shouldn’t have it’s just I’m tired and fighting not cussing everyone out.”

“Understandable. I think I may have found something though.”

Both of us looked at her skeptical and wondered what she could have found in that hour long screaming marathon.

“When you reached the point where you died you said that you heard Eliza before actually inhaling and what you wanted before she said your husband and children’s names that you wanted to stay with your friend. Do you recall why?”

Emily seemed to consider that a moment. “She felt comfortable, soothing really. I just remember feeling content and not afraid or worried. Felt like it was normal.”

“Is that something you’ve felt a lot of? Normal that is.”

“Define normal.”

“I know what’s normal to me Mrs. Hanson. But, what is normal to you?”

She had to think about that and so did I, because what was normal? Since we met we hadn’t had a lot of normalcy, I mean my job alone makes it abnormal but had she really known normal. Compared to hers mine was normal and maybe that helped me adjust better after Ian and allowed me to simply talk because I knew that once he was gone that was it, there was no linger possibility of someone taking his place.

“Mr. Hanson? What is normal to you?” She asked.

“That’s a hard question to really answer because my life was fairly normal until I was about six. After that it’s been normal to travel, perform, and record albums. I think for us the most normal aspect was right after we moved in together, before David and Adam got bad, when we were just dating.”

“Yeah, that was pretty much normal for me too. Well, it was after Adam was killed and before Ian started in we had normalcy then, it was traveling and shows.”

“I think some of your dreams are derived from wanting that again, by no means do I think that is all. I do believe some of it is fear, it may not be totally about David. It’s probably just a combination of everything they did. I’m not going to lie to either of you, it’s pretty rare for four different men to come after two people. Even though Ian targeted Zac and the other three you it’s still affects you both in different ways.”

I was mildly confused. “What exactly do you mean by it effects us both?”

She smiled. “Ian targeted you primarily, you told me about what he did. But, while he mostly affected you she also had to deal with him. He tried to set it up to make her think you cheated on her, when they failed he tried to brainwash you into thinking she didn’t love you. She was pregnant with your child at the time and it’s hard. It’s good that you were able to see for yourself. Likewise, Adam threatened to send you pictures every day of things he did to her, a constant reminder that you couldn’t help her, David did the ultimate to you by raping her where you had to watch but couldn’t do anything to help her.”

“I don’t think I considered exactly how much Ian did to me during that period. But, what does this have to do with these nightmares?”

“How many times have these men threatened to take or hurt your children?”

“Adam never did really, um he just kept threatening I would have his.”

“But did you think he would treat those children how you do your own now?” She asked.

“No. I knew he would treat the girls like they were slaves probably selling them and the boys he’d train. David also didn’t seem to care that I had kids, he just wanted to see them but we agreed he never would. I don’t believe he would have wanted to be like we are.”

“Ian threatened to take our youngest, we thought she was a boy and he was going to replace me with the baby basically.”

“Glen made one threat to her.” Emily said.

“The dreams involving your children I fully believe are derived from fear of losing them. Mrs. Hanson you’ve come home to realize
Alexander was missing, that’s hard for any parent let along with your history. You’ve both had to hold them as they screamed for the other parent. I think it’s just a deep fear that something will happen.”

“What about the others? Dying before I’m 16, dying in general.”

Her face softened as she looked at her and her tiny smile showed how compassionate she was.

“Each of them threatened to kill you at some point in their time frame. Whether they truly meant or not, the threat is still there. David wanted everyone to hurt you, pull you from family. Yet, no one really did that until Glen. He killed you Mrs. Hanson. You know it and so does your husband. He did what no one else could. Your afraid of that reoccurring, right?”

“To some degree because I don’t feel like it’s over. The FBI hasn’t told us anything and I don’t know if David hired or had people lined up. Glen was kind of a shock too, I didn’t even know Adam had siblings.”

She nodded. “It will take time for you to be able to feel safe and secure that no one will come after you. Hopefully the FBI is able to answer those questions, perhaps you should contact them to ask.”

“Maybe.” She said.

“In the meantime your husband is worried and it’s very clear that you do need to sleep. I would like to prescribe Zoloft and Ambien on a short term basis. They are both safe for breastfeeding and I am starting you on the lowest dose available and don’t want you to take them more than a month. The idea is to help you sleep so you can be effective during the day and it will help you stay calm so you can talk. I’d also like for you to keep coming here 2ce a week.”

“Are you sure there safe? She’s not nursing as much anymore but she still is.”

“I am sure they would be safe.”

“Low dose and one month? I don’t want to be taking stuff all the time.”

“I’m only writing it for one month, short term is three months. But, I think you’ve made progress today and we can talk more about the
effect they had on you the next time you’re here. This way you’ll be calm and hopefully be more rested. I can agree with Mr. Hanson you do look very tired.”

Emily nodded and she wrote the prescriptions out and handed them to me, they were very low doses on both and I was praying they helped her. We stopped by the pharmacy on the way to Casey’s and the kids were fine when we arrived.

“That took a long time.” Robert said.

“I uh…kind of went atomic on the therapist.”

“You did not..” Casey said.

“Full blown screaming for over an hour, I was there. But we may have moved forward some.”

“Least it wasn’t you.” Casey said.

“I think he would have rather it be him than her.” She said.

“Definitely.”

“She wants her to try some medication to see if it will help her.”

“You agreed?” Casey asked.

“Reluctantly, but really Casey..everyone is walking on egg shells around me. I scared Sean the other day, I’ve basically cut contact with everyone. Would rather try this than end up hurting someone.”

We sat down and Isabella climbed into her lap and sat there. “Mama..”

“Yep, mama’s not going anywhere.”

“Is Craig and Christopher doing anything special for Jasmine’s birthday?”

“Her party is Saturday, they went with a Cinderella theme. They were actually going today for another IVF but we won’t know for a bit if it takes.”

“I can’t believe there having another one so soon.” Robert said.

“They only want the two and figure it would be easier.”

“Could be for them.”

“Well, Ems you ready to get the wild ones home and get everyone settled.”

“Yeah, I need to read the papers too before I take anything.”

“You could just stay here, you guys have clothes and all.” Robert said.

“Do you really want me wondering around at 3 am?” Emily asked.

Casey giggled. “You won’t bother us Ems unless you wonder into the bedroom and just like begin to do things.”

“Eh, you may wake up to an immaculate house.”

“That’s possible?” Casey asked.

“Yeah. I’ve cleaned the house early in the morning and done laundry. Zac sleeps through me cleaning the bedroom but I can’t mess with the kids rooms. They sleep like him but I’m always thinking I’ll wake them up.”

“We don’t mind you staying.”

She looked at me and I agreed to stay, Casey treated us to a great dinner of baked chicken and kale with corn. It was really good even though Alexander seemed a little sketchy and Isabella got peas. She read the papers and about 8:30 took them. None of us were expecting that anything would change overnight and it didn’t. We went to bed about ten but by 3:30 she was sitting up in the bed barely able to breathe. However, like I had done five years ago I pulled her back down against me.

“They’re ok Emily. Alexander and Isabella are fine, no one’s going to hurt them.”

It still took an hour but the medication must have helped because she did eventually fall back asleep about five.


Meet: Doctor Christina Lints