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Tuesday, March 8th, 2016 03:05 pm
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Chapter 128 –  The Sandy Beach
POV: Emily
Word count: 3884


January 10, 2016

New Years had been insane! Eliza and Ryan invited Zac and I to go out with them and ring in the new years, so we asked Walker and Diana if they would keep Alexander and Isabella for the night, that way we didn’t have to worry about them being woken up late and we knew they would be safe.  They agreed so we agreed and we had gone out with them. Taylor was a little disappointed we wouldn’t be there with him but they had invited us before he did. Evidently the invite was for a good cause because while Zac and I opted for a new year’s kiss at midnight, per our usual, Ryan went with a New Years proposal to Eliza. Zac and I both were quite stunned at that proposal because they really hadn’t been together long. Eliza had said yes and after some talking they decided to be engaged for a bit longer, really be sure. I was a little sketchy on the whole quickness but I knew Ryan had a clean background and he had been good around our children during the tour.

Eliza was not with us this year, she had work obligations now that our case was officially closed. She was going to refocus on her career and I was happy with that because she seemed to love her job and it was something she had worked hard for. However, I still did not feel comfortable leaving them at home with us being so far away, so while Isaac and Taylor left their children at home, Zac and I brought ours.

Without anyone else here to help I spent a lot of time at our hotel room and on the beach. Given that today was technically not part of the event, Zac had slept in and then sent me for a long bubble bath, which was divine and then he sent me to the beach and kept the two wild ones there with him. Telling me I needed some alone time once in a while. I really didn’t think I did, but I just sat on the beach, let the sand tickle my feet and let the sun just warm me up I realized that this was a good thing. He often got that break but I didn’t.

“Mind if I join you?” Casey asked.

I looked up, slightly startled. “Not at all.”

He plopped himself down beside me and kicked his flip flops off, digging his feet into the sand and I think he moaned at how it felt.

“Robert said Tulsa was cold as fuck and he was glad to be leaving.”

“I imagine so. Taylor said something about freezing weather.”

“Yep.”

We both just sat there listening to the waves as they crashed onto the beach and feeling the sand and sun on our skin. It was nice to just sit here and do absolutely nothing.

“Are you excited for tomorrow?” I asked.

“I’m not sure really.”

“It is what you want, right? You never really mentioned whether marriage was something you wanted out of life.”

“Yes. I am happy with Robert and you two were right as usual. I just…”

“That this is the first time you’ve married and everything is new?”

“It’s not that..”

“Then what is it?”

“He told me he was changing his name to mine because he no longer wanted McDermid to be his. When I asked if there was any specific reason he said he didn’t want Zac to always be reminded of Ian. That he wanted to disassociate himself from that name.”

“Did you tell him that Zac wouldn’t care?”

“Yes. But he insisted that it was something he wanted to do and he refused to let me entertain the idea of changing mine. It is his decisions ultimately and I am flattered that he wants to take such a plain name.”

“Smith is not plain it’s good. Is there anything else besides that?”

“I guess it’s just nerves, never thought I would ever be able to do this. I didn’t think it was possible really. Here I am in Jamaica about to get married to a man.”

I nudged him with my shoulder. “But it’ll be good for you and Robert. You guys have been together a while now and while it was bumpy at first the last year has been great, right?”

“Yes, it has been great. I think on some level that is why I moved to Tulsa with you guys, why my band dissolved and why I became a full time employee at 3CG. It’s stable and I like stability. Robert is like Zac in that sense, he provides that stabilizing base for me. It’s something I can count on.”

“Does help he looks like Zac huh?”

“Little bit, but let’s face it Emily we know he’s not Zac, there is only one of him and you got there first.”

“I know.”

“What about you? You seem better rested and not as ill. Are your nightmares doing better?”

“They’ve tapered quite a bit actually, only have them if I over talk about them.  It’s getting easier to trust others with Alexander and
especially Isabella.”

“I noticed that, you let Eliza take them on the tour over night that was shocking.”

“Well, she saved my life and if I can’t trust her then I just need to give up. At first I thought therapy was the worst idea ever, after those first couple of sessions the nightmares got so bad.”

“I am shocked she didn’t get pissed off when you screamed at her for an hour, I don’t see why she didn’t.”

I giggled. “Well, she said at first she was mad but after realizing that what I was doing was getting it out in the only way I knew how.
Once she managed to transcribe the tape she found I’d covered most everything.  Was it the right way? No. But at that point it was the only way I was going to cover that ground again. I needed to be pissed off and upset.”

“I’m just glad you’re doing better and you guys seem…Happy.”

“We are. It’s a good feeling to check my phone and not see ten messages from Glen or to check e-mail and not have pictures. It’s nice to take the kids to the park and not fear someone will shoot them. I still have issues coming home to them being there, there is this deep fear they won’t be there. But, I know it’ll get better with time.”

“Of course. I think Zac has some of those fears too.”

“He does, but he’s also seeing Doctor Lints, just not as frequent as I am.  He really did adjust and deal with everything so much better. I thought I did but evidently I didn’t.”

He nudged me some. “You have a huge extended family and everyone of us loves you. Don’t ever forget that. Speaking of Zac, where is he? I figured he’d be here with you and the kids.”

“Back at the room with the wild ones. He made me take a long bubble bath and then shipped me out here for a kid free stroll. I can’t even go back until 3 per his request.”

He giggled. “Giving you some time away, really Ems you spend 24/7 with them and Alexander’s been kind of testy the last few weeks. Boy sure knows what buttons to push now.”

“Oh yeah. Terrible twos were nothing compared to this. Hell, he was perfectly fine when he was two!”

“Anything else going on? Problems?”

“Nothing. Everyone seems to be adjusting and I guess getting to what should be normal. Amanda and Sean are doing great living together, he’s so much happier now and so is she. I’m a little iffy on Ryan and Eliza, but she’s a big girl.”

“That she is. So, are you two getting along now without problems?”

“Yeah. I mean I’m still not as open as I should be with her. Like I still can’t really open up about sex with her and I find it weird still and the same goes for like female topics.”

“Periods Emily, I’m not afraid of those or the word.” He smirked at me.

“Yeah. It’s still kind of weird to have someone to talk about concerning those because I only ever had Amanda.”

“Well, when your surrounded by men that recoil when you mention a cramp, I can see how it could be weird to really talk to someone.”

“Zac doesn’t recoil!”

He laughed for a full minute. “No, but I don’t see him having long conversations about them either.”

I paused a moment, he had me there. “Got me there, he will talk about it or listen but long conversations are a no.. It’s just..so long without a sister and now I do have one. It’s adjustments for us all but I think we’re doing very well now versus when we first met.”

“Good. She’s good for you, keep you on your toes and shit.”

“I have enough help from Alexander and Isabella for that and let’s not forget Zac, Taylor, Isaac, you, Robert..need I go on?”
He smiled. “No, it is true we all try to keep you on your toes. So…do you think Zac would be pissed off if I took you to lunch without him?

“He kicked me out remember? He can’t be mad when he’s the one that told me to leave!”

“True. Well, Mrs. Hanson I believe you and I have a lunch date then.”

He got up and helped me up. Sure enough we had a lunch date, nothing overly done and it was nice to sit and talk and see what the future might hold. We split up after lunch though, he had to meet Robert and their families and I needed to relieve Zac of the wild ones or at best help him. Yet when I got back to the hotel I could only stand at the door and smile and get a few dozen pictures.
I came back to find them all asleep. She was laying on his chest and Alexander was curled up beside him. I did notice the bandage and assumed someone got hurt. I quietly closed the door and laid down on the free side, he woke up long enough to see it was me and pull me closer. It was a pleasant little nap and we got to spend time together with both children that afternoon on the beach.

They loved playing in the sand and water.

January 11, 2016 -Zac-

  I never thought when I met Casey that I’d be a best man at his wedding to another man. Then again, I also never thought that I’d have ever had sex with him or done even a quarter of the things we’ve done. Shows how much I knew then. I also never thought that my wife would be the one marrying him or anyone for that matter. It was surreal to see and know those facts now. But, I was determined this was going to be a nice wedding and that 2016 was going to be a year of no stress and no problems, everyone deserved that.

Emily stayed with the kids while I went to the beach to make sure the set up was done. There wasn’t many of us in attendance really, much like Ace and Nathaniel’s wedding. So, I’d gone with semi-circle seats as well, the alter had an arbor with local flowers in a multitude of colors and each chair had a different arrangement of flowers. I was satisfied with the set up so I returned to the room. Emily had both of them bathed, but Isabella was just wearing her diaper and Alexander his underwear.

“Problems?” I asked.

“No, just waiting because it’s near lunch and I don’t want them to ruin the suits.”

“Makes sense.”

We had lunch about 12:30 and then we dressed them. Alexander had a beige linen suit that was shorts, which would be cool for him since Jamaica was not cold and Isabella had a yellow sundress with a white diaper cover. Both had sandals, hers were yellow and his black. Taylor and Isaac were going to sit with them during the ceremony since she and I both were part of the ceremony.

“Ok, I’m suppose to meet Casey beforehand, you got them?”

“Yep. I’m meeting Robert at 2:45 and we’re meeting you two at 4. Taylor is getting them at 2:30.”

“Ok. I’ll see you soon.”

I gave them all a quick kiss and then headed out, I expected Casey to be halfway ready when I got there, but he was not even dressed, not showered, and was bawling like a three year old. My first reaction was Robert had done something to him or said something like the wedding was off and I wanted to find him and kick his ass.

“Casey? What’s wrong? Do I need to find Robert and kick his ass?”

I sat beside him and he laid his head over on my shoulder. “It’s not him Zac, he didn’t do anything.”

“Are you sure? I’ll totally kick his ass for you.”

“It’s not Robert. I just…we separated last night for the whole don’t spend the night before thing and I got to thinking this morning.”

“Thinking turned you into a blubbering girl? Come on now.”

I know he at least stopped crying, but it wasn’t cheering him up much because that didn’t make him laugh or smile.

“Come on Casey, talk to me.”

He sat up and after wiping his face off and blowing his nose he sat there for a moment still.

“It feels surreal to be doing this. You didn’t seem that nervous with Emily.”

“Oh, I was. I feared she’d get half way and run away, afraid she’d not be happy with anything. We both had some fears Casey, but we both overcame them but you weren’t that nervous yesterday when you talked to her.”

“You know about that?”

“What? You think I didn’t know where she was? She has her fears and I have mine, I knew where she was all day Casey. I know you had lunch together too. She did mention the conversation on the beach. So it could be some nerves but not all of it. What’s going on?”

He sat quietly for several minutes maybe evaluating the real reason he was not ready yet or evaluating something anyway because he was thinking based on his expression.

“Are you really ok with Robert? I know you and Emily told me when you got us back together you were. But, are you really?”

“It wasn’t Robert’s fault Casey. The FBI even confirmed that no one in his family had anything to do with what Ian did. Robert was just there and it was unfortunate that he was, I mean think about it, if Ian wasn’t his uncle would you be asking the same questions?”

“No. But Ian was his uncle Zac.”

“Yes, he was. But, what Robert did when they took Emily was enough to prove he wouldn’t help his Uncle. He risked his life to save hers and he took a bullet trying to. He saved her life and he saved Isabella’s life because we both know if she’d been there he would have killed them both. He wanted a boy.”

“I know and I love him for that. I just feel like you’re not ok with him.”

“I am ok with Robert. I can’t ever be certain that either myself or Emily would feel the same way about him as we do you, but really
Casey we’ve been in bed with both of you. Pretty sure that’s accepting.”

“Just once and you did that for my birthday Zac.”

“Damn dude, I have enough problems getting with my wife let along coordinating four adult schedules!”

He laughed! I was making progress thankfully!

“That is true.”

“Still don’t think that’s your only reason.”

He took a deep breath and kind of smiled. “You realize that it would have been you, right? Had you never married Kate and had I been a lot more brave then, it wouldn’t be Robert waiting, it would be you.”

I paused because I had thought about that over the years, the what ifs and what would have beens. I put my arm around him and pulled him to me.

“I am fully aware that if I had not ever asked her that you might would have and who knows, maybe you could have gotten Emily out of my head then.”

“Oh, I could have. Couple well placed kisses, maybe bend you over some furniture item, I could have made you forget her.”

“But then you wouldn’t have had those awesome threesomes with us, you wouldn’t have two gorgeous godchildren. You’d have me but is that all you would have missed had things been different?”

“You would have been enough Zachary.”

I blinked and looked at him, what the hell did he mean by that? He smiled some. Was he saying that I would have been all he ever wanted?

“That shouldn’t surprise you considering I had Max dressing up as you.”

“I..”

He turned to me and smiled. “You would have been enough for me Zac, I mean that. If I had the chance then I would have taken it and I wouldn’t have messed up or screwed up. I don’t think I can really stop loving you. I think that you and I would have been great together.”

I was mildly confused and a little concerned by his words to me. I started to say something, not sure what but he stopped me before I could say anything.

“The problem is at that time you hadn’t really shown interest in me in that capacity. I think if I had come on to you at that time, you would have hit me and then I would have lost you before I ever really had a chance. I love you and I always have, but I’m not stupid. I really don’t think you would have ever really accepted me in a sexual capacity had you not met Emily. So, as much as I believe we would have been perfect, we really wouldn’t have been without her.”

I raised an eyebrow. “You just confused me.”

“Had I had the nerve to approach you before you married Kate and had you actually agreed to be with me, then you would have been enough. I wouldn’t have wanted threesomes or godchildren. You would have been enough for me. However, I know that at that time you wouldn’t have agreed. You would have punched me in the face and told me to fuck off.”

I really wanted to deny that but I couldn’t. “I would have.”

“Therefore I am glad that you found Emily, glad that you have Alexander and Isabella, I just sometimes wonder and this morning as I was considering what I had to do it came to mind and now that I’ll be his husband..I just…”

He was verging on tears again and I couldn’t allow that so I pulled him to me, knowing what the rest of the sentence was. I gave him my famous bear hug.

“I’m not going anywhere Casey. I’m not going to leave, I’m not going to suddenly stop calling you or harassing you or doing anything to you just because you’re married to him. I’m happy for you to find someone that makes you as happy as Emily makes me. You deserve that and so much more.”

I felt his arms go around me and he just held on. I let him be the one to pull away and he seemed much better, not as jittery or as nervous looking.

“You will never get rid of me Casey James Smith, you are stuck with me forever. I wouldn’t dare deny Alexander his Asey, Emily would kill me if I did.”

He laughed. “God forbid you deny that child his Asey, he would have a conniption fit. Seriously, you’re not going anywhere?”

“Nope. But, if you don’t get showered and dressed and ready, we’re going to be really late and I don’t think Emily or Robert would appreciate that.”

He laughed. “I would ask for you to join me but I suppose that’s a bad idea.”

“Yeah, that is a bad idea. But, I can move a chair by the door if you just want to talk.”

“That works.”

He got up and headed to the shower and I moved a chair over to the door, where he showered and we talked until he was clean and then he shaved and I continued to sit there even though all he had on was a towel. I wondered though if back then would I have really knocked him out. Sure, at the time I loved Kate and wanted to be with her but it didn’t mean I hadn’t noticed Casey before, hadn’t known he was hitting on me. It made me wonder if I would have forgotten about Emily, but considering she was always on my mind until she was standing in front of me, I doubted I would have.

“Are you staring at my ass?”

“Yep. I’m totally allowed to stare I just can’t do anything else.”

I even sat here as he got dressed in his white linen suit. Robert knew how lucky he was because while they were having lunch he had called me with the same worries and he knew how lucky he was to have Casey. I was rather shocked that we actually made it to the ceremony on time but we did. I stood to the side and just listened as Emily flawlessly went through the ceremony itself and I was glad his vows didn’t include his love for me, it was nice to hear how they truly loved each other as well. There was a huge party afterwards for the reception. Where we had dinner and got to party and relax for a change. They would be staying an extra week but the rest of us had to go home to reality soon. It was a great ceremony and reception. Emily and I got back to the room about 1, both Isabella and Alexander were asleep. We laid them down and got ready for bed ourselves.

“So, I assume Casey needed some assistance when you arrived. His hair was wet when you showed up to the ceremony.”

“He was crying when I arrived, afraid he was going to lose me somehow or that we really didn’t like Robert. I set him straight then shipped him to the showers. Stared at his ass while he shaved and got ready.”

She laughed. “I expect nothing less.”

“He proposed joining him in the shower, figured that was a bad idea.”

“Yeah, probably so. But least you were a good boy there.”

“Robert ok when you arrived?”

“He was ready, little nervous but fine more a less.”

We laid down and curled up together, as she drifted off and the conversation ended I considered back and really I would have hit him. I wouldn’t trade where I am now for anyone.

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