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Saturday, February 14th, 2015 07:34 pm
Chapter 24 - What do I do?
POV:  Zac
Word Count: 4948

October 4, 2009; Sunday

I woke up before Emily did, but I didn’t get up. Instead I laid there holding her; those pictures had taken her down pretty bad. She had looked so deflated and miserable when I got home. Not that I could blame her and this was something I had no idea how to handle. I had no idea what to do or say that would make this better.

She woke up about nine, we both lay in the bed another hour before getting up, I simply put boxers on and she put one of her gowns on. I fixed her favorite pancakes and kept her away from the music room for as long as I could. She still seemed very miserable and hadn’t said much since she got up.

“Emily, talk to me.”

She looked up from her cup of cocoa. “About what?”

“What’s going through your mind right now, how you feel about it and what you think?”

She took a few sips of the hot liquid before she looked back to me.

“I don’t know what to think about it, what to feel, or even what to do. I mean really Zachary, I have no idea. Its obvious Adam was right about him. It’s obvious that George was very wrong about our father. Thinking about it makes me sick. I don’t…”

I walked around the counter and pulled her back to me, kissed her forehead. “Why don’t you call Christopher and Craig? There close by and maybe they’ll be better at handling this than me.”

“Honestly Zac, I don’t want them to see those.”

“Baby, Craig and Christopher watched the whole video. They already know everything that occurred. There is no way you and I can deal with this without one of them and you know if you call one both will show up.”

“You better call then, I’m not sure I’ll make any sense.”

I got my phone from the counter and started to call Craig, because he and I were a bit closer. But she shook her head.

“Call Christopher Zac, this is family business and he may be mad if you don’t tell him.”

I nodded and moved down the list of names to his and called.

“Hey Zac! It’s been a few weeks is everything ok? Emily called Craig yesterday asking about the girl Adam killed. It kind of made him worry.”

“Hey Christopher um, no everything is not ok. Can you and Craig come to the house soon?”

“Sure, we were planning on going by his apartment today anyway.”

“We’ll be here all day.”

“We’re heading out of the house now, so we’ll come there first. I think Craig wanted too anyway to see how she was. He said she sounded odd yesterday. Speaking of, how come she didn’t call me?”

“Honestly Christopher she’s not really doing great and it would be better to explain once you’re here.”

“Fifteen minutes and we’ll be there.”

We hung-up and since it was so soon, we went up-stairs and put actual clothes on, she simply slipped a pair of pajamas pants on.

“No underwear?”

“Not like you really mind Zac.”

“Never said I minded, but sometimes I think you do that on purpose.”

She walked to the door and smiled some. “Sometimes, I do.”

I tripped over my own pants but thankfully landed on the bed and not the floor. I swore sometimes she did things completely on purpose and obviously I was right. I finished getting dressed and came down as she was letting them inside.

They both hugged her but shook my hand however Craig seemed to hold her longer.

We sat down in the living room and it was quite for a few moments, but then Craig looked at her.

“Emily, what is going on?”

She looked at me and I could tell she had no idea what to say and was asking me too, even though she never said a word.

“She went through the picture albums yesterday, scanned and saved some of the ones of you all. She came across some pictures that, well, honestly there hard to explain.”

I got up and got the three albums, showing them the young woman’s first, because that would temper the shock I hoped.

“Is this why you called and asked me?” Craig asked.

“Yeah, I didn’t recognize her but then I saw ones of her and Adam. I wondered if that was her, you mentioned the butterfly. Is that her Craig?”

“Yeah, it’s the same girl. Her name was Kaelin Johnson.” Craig said.

When they had finished that one I handed them the ones of Emily from the week that Gary and Adam were present. When Craig opened it she turned away. I really wished I could read her mind and see what she was thinking. Neither of them seemed pleased by the album and they noticed the stains in the seams a lot sooner than I did.

“I’m going to assume that you didn’t know these were taken?” Christopher asked.

Emily shook her head. “I don’t ever remember seeing a camera or anything that remotely looked like one. Just cell phones and they didn’t take pictures with those.”

“Camera’s can be quite small Emily. Give the view on some it was most likely attached to them somewhere. I noticed in the video Adam rarely took his necklace off.”  Craig said.

I saw Christopher’s face though; he was seeing the stains in the seams and while he didn’t touch the seams he looked like he wanted too.

“Emily, where did you get this from?” Christopher asked.

She looked right at him for the first time since they arrived. “They were in Daddy’s bedroom, where he kept Mom’s album.”

I finally slide the last one to them, if the previous one irritated them, this was sure to piss them off. They both went through that one, noticing the stains on the very first page. By the time they reached the last set of pictures, taken shortly before she left the house, there was fury written all over their faces. But the look on Christopher’s was much worse than I had never seen. Neither of them said a word for thirty minutes, Christopher actually went through them both one more time.

“Emily, did you know these pictures were being taken?”

She took a deep breath. “I remember some of them, like the ones George took when I was like 3 or 4. I also remember one or two of the bath ones, but none of the others. I didn’t know they even existed.”

Christopher got up and walked out of the house, when Craig started to get up Emily laid her hand on his shoulder and shook her head.

“You know how he is Craig, its better that we just wait for him to come back.”

We sat there quietly for an hour, Emily had a first aid kit waiting and I wondered why she would bother, but when he came in I understood. Both hands were bloody and there were cuts to the knuckles and fingers. He sat down in the chair and she immediately started cleaning and bandaging them.

“Are you ok?” Craig asked.

“I’m fine babe.” He said.

I blushed not sure how I would handle some man talking to me that way and then I felt bad for even thinking about that now. Emily finished cleaning and bandaging his hands and then sat on the sofa.

“I assume you called someone.” She said.

“George, I told him about the albums. Needless to say he’s not very happy.”

She looked at them. “What do I do?”

Craig looked at me and then her. “You tell us if he ever touched you, don’t protect him Emily. Did he ever touch you at all, for any reason?”

“He never did and I swear to that.”

“But Adam did.” I said.

She looked at me as she hadn’t really told them about that. “Adam touched you before you left?” Christopher asked.

She told them what happen that day in the kitchen and then showed them the pictures we had of the first snow globe, which was taken after it was broken.

Christopher looked like he wanted to really hurt someone, not that I didn’t feel the same way really. I wanted nothing more than to get my hands on Adam for hurting her last year, on Gary for hurting her but the person I never thought I’d want to hurt was her father. I couldn’t image how Christopher felt, how would I feel if my father had done something to my sisters? What kind of emotions would radiate from that revelation? Anger? Resentment? Fear?

“You seem very quite.” Craig said.

She looked at him. “You wouldn’t be?”

“This isn’t like you though, you are usually much better at expressing how you feel about something. You’re not doing that.”

“I agree with him Emily.” I said.

She sat there a moment and I could see it in her body language, she was about to tell us what she felt alright, but it might not be what we wanted to hear.

“It’s not like I find out every day that my father is a fucking pedophile who gets off on seeing me naked, on seeing pictures of me being raped and beaten by other men! You act like I didn’t make the connection on what those fucking stains are; it’s where he’s been fucking jacking off to those pictures for years!!”

Her voice was shaky and Craig started to say something but she gave him that look and he wisely closed his mouth without even a single sound.

“I may not like everything the man ever did to me, but he’d still my father. He’s the man who fucking raised me and made sure I had everything I needed. It’s hard enough to accept the fact that he’d rather I marry that bastard but now the reason becomes apparent and clear, it’s got nothing to do with another wife. He fucking wants me to marry Adam so he can supply him with the pictures. How do you think he got those? What do you want me to feel? Would you like me to go beat the fuck out of a wall until my hands bleed? Would you prefer I take it on one of you? Fucking tell me what you want me to do because I don’t fucking know what to do.”

“You could calm down.” Christopher said.

Craig immediately got up and moved to sit beside me and Emily blinked a few times, quite stunned.

“You want me to calm down? First you want me to tell you what I feel like, what I think about this and now you want me to calm down? I don’t think you understand what I said. Our father is a fucking pedophile Christopher. It’s not a theory! It’s not an unproven fact! He’s been jacking off to pictures of ME! Not you! Not any of you, just me.”

“I understand that Emily.”

“Evidently not! You just told me to tell you and then you told me to calm down. What do you want me to do? Cry over them? I did that yesterday all fucking afternoon realizing that the man I was going to ask to walk me down the aisle is now the last person I want to ever see again. You have no idea how it fucking feels to realize that what George saw was real, he really was jacking off to me. Not some random girls in an album, not some random person. It was me. Christopher, look at me!” She yelled.

He reluctantly did so and I was sure both Craig and I felt bad for him.

“I was eight Christopher and he had no shame for it, sitting in the fucking living room while we were outside playing. How many times do you think he did that huh? How many times has he stood in my bedroom while I was asleep? Has he ever considered actually doing that to me? Has he wanted to tie me up like that and do the exact same thing they did?”

She shoved the album across the table, right to him open to the page where she was handcuffed lying in the floor.

He shook his head. “I don’t know.”

“You wanted to know what I was thinking, there you have it. All the times I woke up and he was in my room just watching me sleep and at the time I thought that was normal and it was ok. He is my father. I am the baby of the family and the only girl. I just excused it because he was only checking on me. Yet he probably returned to his bedroom, pulled out that album, and thought about doing it to me for real.”

“He wouldn’t do that Emily, you’re his daughter.”

“Christopher.” Craig said.

“Shut up Craig.” Emily snapped, she didn’t even look at him.

Craig slightly slumped back, clearly not wanting to make her turn on him. I focused on her though, there were slight tremors rippling through her body, her voice shook with little vibrations as she spoke. She was so upset right at this moment, but it was very clear that the pictures were having more of an effect on her than we could have predicted.

“Emily, he didn’t do anything to you. You said that. You sat right there and told us all that our father never touched you sexually.”

I saw the few tears that fell from her eyes and I resisted the urge to go to her, she was still sitting very rigid. For a moment she seemed to think about it.

“No he didn’t touch me or actually do anything sexually to me. Instead he just beat the hell out of me, I didn’t even have to do anything wrong all I had to do was just be there. The wrong movement, the wrong word or phrase, calling him Dad instead of Daddy, just standing there washing dishes could set him off. Not one of any of you were there because you all fucking left as soon as you could! The moment you turned 18 you were fucking gone and it didn’t matter to any of you that I was still there. Daddy’s not going to hurt you Emmy, your safe here. You don’t have to worry Emily; we’re just across town call us if you need too. Yet, by then every one of you knew he had some fascination with young girls and not a one of you stopped to even ask.”

“That’s not fair Emily; you know we all went to college as soon as we finished high school. We did tell you to call but you never did.”

“He wouldn’t let me!” She screamed.

Christopher sank back quickly.

“What the hell do you think I am, stupid? I wanted to call you! I wanted to tell someone that our father was actually hitting me and not just because I did something wrong. I never understood why and George made a valid point he tried to wipe it away but let’s just face it Christopher. Daddy never wanted me. Daddy never wanted a girl because this is what gets him off, looking at pictures likes these! Look at them Christopher!”

“I’ve seen them.”

“I really don’t want to know what he actually thought about as he jacked off to those pictures of me. But, the reason he is so adamant I marry Adam is becoming quite clear.”

We all looked at her then, because honestly none of us understood why he would I certainly wouldn’t let my daughter marry someone like him nor would I let my sisters or nieces.

“Adam had to have sent him the pictures from that week, as he took them. So, our father knew what those bastards were doing and he didn’t call you or anyone else. It’s obvious that he wants stuff like this and Adam would send him the pictures. He wouldn’t be pissed off that there missing if he didn’t know how bad they were.”

Her voice was vibrating with what sounded like pain and anger. I got up and carefully moved behind her, she actually leaned back onto my chest. It was time to get her to calm down and while they certainly could it wouldn’t be as effective.

“We didn’t mean to upset you; we just wanted to know how you feel about this and how it’s affecting you so that we know how to help you through it. None of us can begin to fully understand how you feel about finding these, but it’ll be ok. I know you’re still mad, you’re upset, you just want to hit something or someone but that won’t solve anything.” I said.

She turned to me a little bit and then looked to the drum set sitting in the music room, I’d taught her some more stuff over the last year because she wanted to learn. I picked up on her idea immediately, it won’t solve anything if she hit someone but hitting them could give her something to vent on.

“Go on, you know where the stuff is.”

She got up and walked to the music room; I stopped Craig and Christopher and let her go alone. We heard her adjust the stool and get a set of drumsticks, a few moments later she was playing. I wouldn’t classify it as decent to start with, but once she found a beat she seemed to like she was fine.

I motioned them to the dining room, because with the music room so close the living room was pretty useless for talking now. We sat down around the table and Craig looked at me as I got drinks for us.

“You’ve been teaching her to play the drums?” Craig asked.

“I started teaching her on the bus in 07’ when she joined us for the tour. It was a good way to pass time and allowed me to secretly be close to her. She wanted to learn and we didn’t mind teaching her. She can play the piano for one or two of our songs, but she preferred the drums.”

“She preferred the drummer, not the drums.” Craig said.

I smiled. “I can go with that too. Seriously though, she’s pretty upset about this and I’m not sure what’s best in this situation.”

“I can’t believe they exist really, George didn’t want to believe me either but I did tell him I would send pictures.”

“Don’t do any from Adam; she didn’t want either of you to see them.”

“It’s nothing I haven’t seen before and she knew that.” Craig said.

Both Christopher and I looked at him. “Um, do you care to explain that?” I asked.

He blushed. “You both know she asked, yeah she wasn’t shy about changing in front of me either. But I mean, I didn’t get those types of views and honestly I’m not sure I wanted them.”

The table got quite. “Is there anything legally we can do?” I asked.

“I have no idea. It’s not illegal to possess the pictures of her as a baby, but the teenage ones I’m sure there is something on that.”

“I could call the detective and ask, but I don’t know if Emily wants to really get into that.” Craig said.

“Possession of child pornography is the charge he would get I guess.” I said.

We sat there confused and unsure but Christopher did sent a photo of the 1st one to George and when he called he explained the others and even got Craig and I to verify. I couldn’t hear what he said, but I did hear Emily’s playing. Steady and solid and really good, she’d evidently been practicing. I got up and left them sitting at the table, walked to the music room. I leaned against the door frame and watched her play; she’d stood here many times and watched me. I watched the way she controlled the drum sticks making contact without being too rough, watched the steady rhythm of her leg as she used the bass drum. I finally walked over and sat down in front of the kit on another stool.

“What do you want to do Emily?”

She didn’t pause, just kept the same steady beat nice and solid; she did look at me though.

“Nothing, but he’s not getting them back. He can kiss my ass on that one.”

“You don’t want to call the police or the detective? You want us to do nothing?”

She hit the cymbal right next to me and smiled. “I said nothing.”

I stopped the vibrations in the cymbal. “But you are keeping the pictures?”

“Yes. There not of him and there not pictures of me he deserves to have back.”

“What about the rest of them?”

“Christopher and the boys can decide.”

I sat there and just watched her play until she looked at me. “Am I doing something wrong?”

I smiled. “No. I just can’t get up and walk in there right now.”

She stopped playing. “Why is that?”

“You look quite sexy and hot sitting there beating my drums, it doesn’t help that I know what you don’t have on.”

“Kinky.”

“If only they weren’t here…” I said.

“Don’t let us interrupt you.” Craig said.

I felt the blush hit my face and I leaned up and over a bit to hide the evident erection they didn’t need to see.

“You stopped playing and we wondered if you were calm yet.” Christopher said.

“Yeah, otherwise the drumstick would be in the living room.” 

“Have you done that before?” Craig asked.

I giggled and then laughed and then couldn’t stop until she hit the cymbal beside my head again and that caused me to look at me.

“It was not that funny Zachary.”

“Oh yes it was! She was at the studio and some vendor totally just pissed her off. We’re all in the conference room talking about at the time the community thing and suddenly there are drums playing. So naturally we go investigate and there she is beating the hell out of my new set. When I said something she threw the drumstick right at me. There is a hole in the wall still where the tip went through the sheetrock; we left the drumstick there for a long time.”

“You shouldn’t have asked.”

“He’s just glutton for punishment that’s all. So, George is going to confront dad about the pictures. He’s going to say that I came over to help you and found them before you.”

“Call him back and tell him that he can tell Dad who found them.”

“We would rather he be mad at us Emily.”

She looked at him and before we could really stop her she’d pulled her phone out and dialed a number. We expected George to answer but instead it was her dad who answered the phone. That confused us all.

“Hey Sweetie! How is your Sunday going?”

She seemed to hesitate at his voice and then I saw her tense up, Christopher was starting toward her and Craig was too.

“It was going quite well actually, how about yours?”

“Church went well and I was about to meet George actually. He called and said he really needed to speak to me about something. Are you going to give me good news as well?”

“I just called to chat.”

“Oh. Have you spoken with Adam or been in contact with him? He really wants to talk with you and work on the issues Emily.”

“No. I will not be talking to that son of a bitch ever again. If you were hoping I was calling to tell you that I canceled my engagement to Zac, then you are going to be disappointed. The wedding is still going to happen in March as planned.”

“Emily, Adam is not a son of a bitch.”

“Yes he is.”

Craig was shaking his head at her, mouthing that she needed to let George deal with it to let them deal with it and I think that is what bothered me, because they kept wanting her to take a back seat to the issue and simply let them handle him. She had not shown many signs of being afraid of him at all.

“I do not know why you cannot forgive him, he wants to explain what happen to you but you refuse to see him.”

Craig threw his hands up and walked out of the room but Christopher kept silently pleading her not to say anything about the albums, to let George handle it. I looked at her and she wanted to do this herself, maybe it would make her feel better.

“Go on Emily, you know why you called. It wasn’t to talk about Adam.” I said.

She looked at me and I nodded again. “You can do this.”

Christopher gave me death glares from hell, but I didn’t care. She was a strong woman on her own; she had proven that before with employees, fans, and other people.

“Emily, what is he talking about?”

She took a deep breath. “I found your red albums father.”

“Really? Can you mail them back?” he sounded excited.

“Yes. Three red albums but you lied to Aaron; they are not pictures of Mom.”

“Honey, what are you talking about? I told you before those albums were rather private photos of your mother and I.”

Christopher silently begged her to stop looked at me and wanted me to make her stop, but I kept watching her, reassuring her that she was fine.

“There are no photos of my mother in them and you will never see them again. Adam told me that week that you were worse than he was and I didn’t believe him because you raised me and you never hurt me sexually. How could you be worse than him? But then George confirmed it, he caught you jacking off to pictures of a little girl, about 13ish. He told me what he told you.”

Christopher finally just sat down and leaned over, putting his head between his knees. The other end of the line was silent for a long time.

“Well Father? I saw the pictures, all of them yesterday. Did Adam send you the pictures of him raping me? Did he include with those pictures how I begged him to stop? Did he include with the ones of those bruises that he did that simply because he wanted too? Zachary’s ex-wife had nothing to do with Adam being there, he used that as an excuse. What’s the matter Dad, you can’t speak now?”

“Emily, you have no idea what those pictures are about. I confiscated them from Adam, he didn’t tell me about them and I put them up never to show you or to even let him have them back.”

“Stop lying. The album of the rape was well stained with semen, Adam couldn’t have done it. No, the sick person who did that was you. George can decide whether you deserve to have the others back but you will not get those three back. Ever.”

“Emily.”

“No. If you took them from Adam then I deserve to have them, they are of me. But, I am sure they did not come from Adam. I have to go now. I’ll change the albums myself to something more secure than those.”

She didn’t give him time to respond, she hung-up and then she looked at Christopher.

“I am not a child anymore; I am a grown woman who can handle problems on her own when she needs too. He needed to know that I know about them and I have seen them. His bullshit excuse is just that. You all need to stop protecting me against him. I walked away when I was 16, I was strong enough then to do it and I be damned if I can’t do it again.”

He nodded and called George to let him know. We then went to the dining room.

Craig was sitting there with his drink. “Thank you Zac.”

“For what?” I asked.

“Doing what none of us can, encouraging her to stand up for herself.”

“I’m not stupid like you two. I know who helps cook and clean around here and I know if she’s happy then I am.”

“You mean you know sleeping on the couch means no fun time in bed?” Craig asked.

Emily giggled from the kitchen as she poured herself a drink. “He knows if I’m pissed he’s not getting any. He’s a smart man.”

“Indeed I am.” I said.

Given she was calm we settled down and eventually we went to dinner with them both, George called her that night and said that she was to keep the albums for now. That their talk hadn’t gone as planned but he wouldn’t tell her anything else about the subject but Emily got the idea that she’d been right, those albums didn’t come from Adam. It didn’t help much and after the other two left we discussed her questions but there was something else in her eyes, something I couldn’t place a feeling or an emotion that just seemed like I needed to address it, but I couldn’t figure out what caused it.

We did go to bed a little later, turns out she was up for playing a little more drums after they left and this time no one was there to stop us.