Desire ch. 34 - Happiness & Joy

[itztigress3]

Chapter 34- Happiness & Joy!
POV: Zac
Word Count: 3298


I really didn’t want to be heading over there for an hour because I wanted to talk about this. Emily was vague at the house and I knew once we were at Taylor’s around the babies we couldn’t discuss anything. I wanted to tell her what Gary had told me, but I went along with her for now I could address that when we were home. I had to wait when I got to the door because she and Casey were walking behind me, I finally knocked but was surprised when Isaac answered and half a dozen others screamed surprise the moment he did. To say I was a little shocked, would be an understatement. I hadn’t expected this. I turned and looked at Emily.

“We’re just babysitting for an hour?”

“Yeah, I mean, technically we will be.”

“I can’t believe I fell for this.”

She giggled. “Me either, but you did baby.”

I went inside and she sent Casey to the car for something. I should have expected this when no one gave me anything on my actual birthday. I found a lot of friends and family were here, my brothers and sisters were present along with my nieces and nephews. Taylor had the grill fired up and had plenty of hot dogs and burgers sizzling away, Natalie had a cake sitting on the counter which she swatted me away from twice. It was a nice feel to be surrounded by people we trusted but Emily stayed right near me for the most part.

At 4:15 I went inside to get myself another drink and ended up sitting inside for a little bit talking with cousins and my sisters. I finally decided to go find Emily and started outside where she had been. I came out the back door and looked around but the moment I saw her I just stopped.

She was standing twenty feet away; the sun was behind her some. It wasn’t that she was just gorgeous standing there, she was holding Everett on her side and he was smiling at Isaac who was actually taking a picture of them.

All I saw was Emily standing there holding our child, I could even see her being pregnant with our child. I couldn’t move as that dominated my vision at the time. I guess knowing that she did want children, with me specifically, was making this time different. It certainly wasn’t the first time I had seen her with one of them but this was the first time those images had come to mind.

I walked over and she smiled at me.

“Hey Zac get in there with her.” Ike said.

I moved closer and Everett smiled at me, I tickled him to get a good smile for Isaac.

“Do you want him?” She asked.

“No, it’s obvious he is ok with Aunt Emily right now.”

She and Isaac looked at me along with Taylor, Natalie, Nikki, and several others including my parents.

“What?”  I asked.

“That’s the first time you’ve ever called me that.” Emily said.

I smiled and tickled Everett again. “Well, come March you will be his official Aunt. May as well get use to it.”

“Ezra already calls her Aunt Emily, I blame Taylor for that.” Natalie said.

“You know I wondered why he called me that.”

Taylor smiled. “What can I say; you’ve been more of an aunt to them than she was.” He said.

She smiled and Everett giggled before squirming to get down so she sat him down and he went to play.

By 5:45 most everyone was leaving or had already left, so Casey and I took the assortment of gifts I had gotten to the car and we all left at 6:15, we got dinner on our way home and when we did get there Casey helped bring the boxes inside. We each went up-stairs to change clothes or whatever we wanted. Casey mentioned a shower so I wasn’t shocked when he closed the door. Emily and I changed clothes, she put a set of blue pajamas on and I found myself watching her, could really see her pregnant.

“Why are you staring at me?”

“Because I get too and no one can tell me to stop?”

She walked over and put her arms around me. “But you were supposed to be changing and not staring at me.”

I smiled and moved some of her hair from her face. “I saw you earlier today when you had Everett and I just…”

She tilted her head and waited for me to answer. I lifted her up off the floor and she instantly wrapped her legs around me.

“I came outside and I saw you standing there with the light behind you and I know you were holding Everett but all I could see was you holding a child that was ours and I can see you being pregnant. That hadn’t happened before.”

She kissed me a few times. “I’ve had those moments before, especially when you were holding Penny and Everett when they were born. It’s natural to see that. But you have been rather quite since this morning, is everything ok?”

“Yes. I’ve just been thinking about that whole mental image and Gary.”

I moved to the bed and sat down; she remained in my lap and didn’t ask anything just let me sit there a moment.

“I guess with the knowledge that you do want kids, maybe that’s why seeing you today was different.”

“Probably, I’ve always known you wanted kids. I overheard you talking to Isaac once about it. I think he asked when you and Kate would have kids. You told him you weren’t sure but you defiantly wanted them.”

“Always have, pretty much since before Ezra was born, but I didn’t want to be a teenager and Kate didn’t want kids until she was older.”

“As the baby of the family, I wasn’t really around babies a lot. I really wasn’t sure that I wanted children until I was around Ezra a lot more. I was certainly positive when I did when I held Penny and Everett and seeing you with them I could see you holding our child. However, we can discuss more about children after the wedding.”

I pulled her closer. “I do have one suggestion; I’d like to wait before we even try for that until after the first anniversary if you’re ok with that.”

“I am. It would give us time to settle and get everything situated.” 

“Concerning Gary, he apologized to me for hurting you, said that he wished he hadn’t and that he had told me the plan. He seemed sincere when he said it too. He told me to keep you safe because Adam wasn’t going to give up. The last thing he told me was why Kate didn’t like being me with sexually.”

“I assume that he either asked her or she told him at some point while they were together?

“According to him he asked around my birthday in 2007 and she didn’t really give him a solid answer. When Adam was with you that week he asked her again why she didn’t have any interest in being with me in that way, and he wouldn’t let her give a vague answer, he asked and got what he says is the truth.”

Emily waited on me; she’d always been confused on why as well give that our sex life was so great.

“Apparently I was too big for her and she preferred guys that were smaller than me.”

Emily looked at me very confused at that. “Wait, so Gary told you that Kate didn’t want to have sex with you because you were too big? Did she not know how big you were before you got married?”

“No, she didn’t. The first time she saw me completely nude was our wedding night. I took a shower after we got to the hotel to get rid of the hair spray she insisted I use. I was drying off in the middle of the bathroom and she just walked in. I remember she gasped and that’s how I knew she was there. I had towel over my head when she came in. Before that, she’d seen me in swim trunks.”

“Did you see her that night?”

“No. I didn’t see her completely nude until right before our first time.”

She kissed my forehead. “You never told me about your first time.”

I nuzzled her neck and could smell the vanilla and lavender scent as it enveloped me. I wasn’t sure what to say, I finally pulled away and looked at her.

“Honestly, it sucked. Between her telling me that everything I was doing sucked or wasn’t right, or was wrong it made it hard to perform well.”

“I can image that being interrupted that much and especially with those words, that it would suck.”
                                                                 
I looked at her. “I never…We never really…”

She wrapped her arms around me and I felt her hands on my back. “It’s ok Zac; you don’t have to tell me.”

“It’s not that, it’s I don’t really count Kate as my first time, in a purely technical sense she was. But, because of how she was when we were together I couldn’t come with her. She would stop me or complain so much that it would ruin whatever mood I was in. Generally I went elsewhere and finished if I could.”

She looked at me confused. “Not even once? Not even with hand or blow jobs?”

“Not even once. She did one hand job and made me finish myself because her arm hurt and she did one blow job but again she stopped and had me finish myself, saying that her jaw hurt. She and I were married a little over a year when she cut me off completely. I really think we only had sex like six times the whole time we were married. I wasn’t kidding when I said we had no sex life. I didn’t really know what it truly felt like until I was with you that first time.”

“Why did she cut you off? You never told me a reason.”

I blushed some and dropped my eyes some. “She was always so insisted on nothing hard, nothing rough. The last time we were together I didn’t quite follow that, I was trying to animate her some. Didn’t quite work, she shoved me off after like three pushes and told me to fuck off. I tried after that, the first time I tried she just said she didn’t feel good, the second time she flatly told me no, and each time thereafter.”

She tilted my head up some. “I don’t think you ever have to worry about me saying no unless it truly is a legit reason. I guess you can say I was your first in a non-technical sense.”

I pulled her close to me, could feel the warmth of her arms around me and the comforting feeling.

“So uh…now that we’re home do we both get you?”

She smiled at me and giggled. “No.”

“Why not? I thought that was what you wanted.”

“Baby I think we all need a break. There is tomorrow and tomorrow night.”

“You really are being mean.”

She kissed me several times, pushed me back on the bed. “We need breaks Zachary.”

She climbed off and tossed me my pajamas pants from the drawer. “You know Casey wouldn’t mind if you came down with that bulge, but you might want to think of something besides my ass for a few minutes.”

“You are so mean to me sometimes, leaving me this way.”

She smiled. “You love it when I’m mean sometimes. Seriously, I hear Casey downstairs and it’s not fair to make him be alone.”

I sat up and changed clothes, putting a white t-shirt with my checked black and white bottoms. I found them on the sofa already, Emily was in the center so I took the right side and Casey was finding a movie. As soon as I sat down she curled up beside me. I put my arm behind her and he started some movie. She moved her feet up beside Casey and he laid his hand on her ankle, I was rubbing her back some but not much and half way through the movie Casey turned and looked at me.

“Is she actually asleep?” Casey asked.

I glanced down and found her eyes closed and could feel her breathing was steady and deep. “She is.”

“Is she ok Zac?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Well, I noticed after we left the studio she clung to you. Even at the party she was close to you or could see you the whole time. When we got dinner you went to the bathroom and she just kind of looked far away.”

I looked down at her. “I noticed that. Gary wasn’t the one who hurt her the most but I think it still affects her. He scared her this morning I could tell and added the whole Paul thing was weird.”

He frowned.

“What?” I asked

“I can understand Gary’s point because he does sound like someone who is obsessed with her and in general doesn’t want to let go. Has she seen or heard from him since he went to jail?”

“No. I asked her a few times if she wanted to face him and she said no, she didn’t want to have anything to do with him. Gary said that he did a lot of watching but Adam’s reason was to hurt her and he did.”

Emily moved, adjusted against my side and then settled back down.

“You should probably take her bed.”

“I’ll take her when I go to bed. I don’t really want her to wake up alone.”

“How often do you really carry her to bed? It felt and looked very comfortable for you both in July.”

I giggled. “A lot more than you would think, usually we go together but sometimes I’m up later and she falls asleep. There have been nights where we both slept right here. When we recorded the member’s kit this year I think we slept at the studio.”

He smiled. “At least she’s comfortable.”

He and I finished the movie and about fifteen minutes into the next program Casey got up and went to the bathroom. Emily moved again but she whined some when she did. I looked down at her and she was only settled for a few minutes before she moved again, putting her head in my armpit. I gently shook her, trying to wake her up. Casey returned and went to get her foot.

“Don’t.”

He paused four inches from her foot and waited, she turned again and this time she whimpered loudly.

“Emily, wake up.” I said.

I shook her again, moved her even which usually wakes her up. Again, all she did was whine and Casey looked scared.

“Please sit over there until I get her up.”

He moved quickly to sit down; I lifted her into my lap letting her head lay on my shoulder.

“Emily, you need to wake up.”

Her eyes finally opened and she looked at me confused.

“You were dreaming, whining and whimpering.” I said.

I felt her hand tighten on my shirt.

“No Baby, stay awake.”

She looked at me and yawned. “Where is Casey?”

“He’s sitting behind you. I didn’t want you to freak out.”

Casey moved back to the middle of the couch and smiled at her.

“Why don’t we just head to bed, no alarms today so you can sleep in.”

She smiled some and we got up. He turned the TV off and she went upstairs before us. I stopped him before we left the living room, not wanting her to hear me.

“If you hear her scream during the night, don’t come to the room.”

“Yet, you called me a horny bastard?”

I lightly punched his arm. “She wouldn’t be screaming for that reason, trust me you’ll know the difference.”

“Zachary?”

“After the attacks she started having horrible nightmares about the events. She wasn’t really sleeping in her apartment at all, so she started staying with Craig. He called me several times to calm her down because he couldn’t. She at one point went a few days with just naps and then fell asleep at the studio, scared Taylor and Isaac to death when she started screaming. She hasn’t had them in a while, but she was whimpering earlier and she may or may not have one. But, in case she does don’t come running in because Craig did that once and it took me hours to calm her down. I know you may want to come to check, but just resist.”

“I’ll stay unless you call for me.”

“Thank you.”

We went up-stairs and I found Emily ready and she waited on me and we went to bed. I was really hoping she wouldn’t wake up, that the incident earlier wouldn’t raise memories or create problems. She fell asleep beside me quickly showing how tired she was. I watched her sleep for a little bit before drifting off myself.

At 2:30 the piercing scream jolted me awake. It took me a moment to realize she was sitting up in the bed; I carefully sat up as well.

“Emily?”

She sat there for several more minutes, just staring at the corner of the room. I put my arms around her and she moved right into my lap.

“It’s ok Emily, there not here. It’s just you, me, and Casey.”

Her rapid breathing slowed to a more normal pace and she calmed down.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“It was different.” She whispered.

“What was different about it?”

She sat there a few more moments before she sat up and looked at me. “You didn’t save me in this one, you didn’t know.”

“I did save you Emily, I found out what they were doing and got you away.”

“Not in this dream, usually I wake up before then. You weren’t there and he made me marry him and leave.”

I kissed her cheek. “I’m not going to allow him to do that Emily. You are not his prize; you are not anything to him. The only person you’re going to marry is me and that is because you want to.”

“Would you mind if Casey came in here for the rest of the night?”

“Would you feel safer if he was in here with us as well?”

“I don’t know honestly, I just…I know he’s like you. He’s not going to let anyone get to me.”

I got my phone and sent him a message, a few moments later he was opening the door, he came in and sat down on the bed.

“Would you mind just crashing for the rest of the night here?” I asked.

“No, as long as your both ok with me being here.”

Emily looked at him. “I asked him to ask, I just…”

He smiled. “You just want the extra person because you know that neither of us will allow anyone to reach you. I don’t mind if it means you’ll sleep well.”

She smiled some and I laid back, she scooted over into the center of the bed and curled up beside me. Casey lay down on her side this time and I stayed awake until she was asleep. I knew that she still felt safe with me but Casey did seem to help get her back to sleep sooner.

“Thank you.” I said.

“No problem.” He said.

Emily didn’t wake up anymore that night; she remained curled up next to me.