Desire Ch. 59 - It's what day?

[itztigress3]

Chapter 59 - It’s what day?
POV: Emily
Word Count: 4419


May 8, 2010

Velma and I were manning the Hanson Store at 3CG; she was a very nice person. She’d gone with me Sunday to skydive again; Zac hadn’t come with us because he met Layla for a brunch. She apparently didn’t quite know me well enough to discuss the details of her divorce but she did tell Zac he could give me some details. It was sad that her husband was such a dumbass that he left her because she miscarried; it was cruel in my opinion.

Velma hadn’t really been too nosey, sure she’d asked questions I’d avoided but she was very forthcoming on her own experiences. She was bi-sexual but leaned more toward women than men. Her last girlfriend had cheated on her and she was taking a break from the dating game. We’d spent the entire day together and not once did she ask me about my sex life which was awesome. She did ask if we were having kids and I answered with after a year maybe. We had shared episodes of Scooby Doo and what we liked and didn’t like, it was amazing she was almost like Amanda!

Speaking of, I missed her because Hanson Day was always better with friends but Zander was here and that was a plus. I’d gotten him his picture with the band without threats, which was good! We spent several hours just sitting in the shop and tending to fans that were checking out. The store closed at 3 and we made it to the show that afternoon without problems. It was different without Amanda but Velma was a real help by making me feel like I did have friends that weren’t men.

“You seem a little down.” Velma said.

“My friend couldn’t come this year, she came out for the wedding which was more important to me but we’ve shared these events.”

“I’m sorry. You said you moved from Georgia, is she there?”

“Yeah. She is thinking about moving out but nothing has been confirmed.”

“Maybe she will, in the meantime I am here.”

“Thank you, it’s been great being with someone who isn’t male.”

She smiled. “Didn’t you spend the day with Layla as well?”

“I did but really she’s more a less Zac’s friend. I don’t know if she really truly likes me, we get along and all which is good.”

“Yeah, I overheard Zac saying she had a messy divorce.”

“Oh yeah, it was horrible but I can’t say much else.”

We listened to a few more songs. “Have you ever thought about being with a girl?”

I was kind of floored and I am sure by the smile she gave me that my face said that question had done it.

“I’m not saying we should…I’m just curious that is all.”

“You scared me!”

“I’m sorry; I guess I should have phrased it better. I’m curious if you’ve ever thought about being with a woman.”

I considered her question. “Not really. Don’t ever tell Craig but I did kiss his sister once, she came onto me. I didn’t mind the kiss, but it really didn’t do anything for me.”

“I understand kissing men is like that for me. I mean, I have had sex with men but I prefer it with women.”

I sat there a moment. “Zac’s really the only man I’ve been with on my own.”

I couldn’t tell her about Casey because as far as everyone knew Zac was it; if she mentioned something around Taylor or Isaac it could create uncomfortable situations or worse, hurt someone’s feelings.

“Really?  You’ve never been with anyone else, just Zac?”

“Just him, he was my first and that’s fine with me. He’s not the only person period, there were two others but they really didn’t ask, it was rape and Zac knows all about it. So, as far as my own free will he’s the only one.”

“I’m sorry; one of my ex’s was raped as a teenager. She really had issues with intimacy, but you and Zac don’t seem to have that problem.”

I giggled. “No, we don’t. Honestly I passed out in then, just his office, they had…”

I stopped because retelling it to someone who wasn’t very close seemed much harder than I anticipated. But, Velma put her arm on my shoulder.

“Emily you don’t have to tell me. I understand that we haven’t really known each other a long time. If it’s too hard, don’t.”

I turned to her. “It’s just I’m so use to just like my brothers and Craig, Casey and Amanda that I don’t think I’ve ever really told anyone besides them.”

“People you trust and know very well.”

I took a deep breath, we were in the back away from other fans, and the boys were talking about the album and cutting up.

“Zac and I were together before he got divorced, months before. His ex-wife had her then boyfriend come over and he was only supposed to scare me but he ended up raping me instead. Somehow they were connected with a man from my home town, he was there when I got home and for a week he pretty much raped me and beat me. I was at work and Zac cornered me to ask how I was and I backed up, hit his desk and sliced my hand open on a letter opener. I passed out in his arms from just the sheer pain I was in. When I woke up all I wanted was him. It never bothered me that Zac was a man and men had hurt me. I felt more comfortable sitting in his lap than anywhere else.”

“Sounds like some major jackasses, why would they do that?”

I glanced back at Zac who smiled at me. “Because she wanted proof that we were together and she couldn’t get it. She still didn’t get it. I’m not sure really how it worked out in the end the two men went to jail and the divorce was granted.”

“Glad it worked out in the end. I guess I always knew I was more into women, but I find sex with men to be satisfying in some ways but I think it’s the emotional connection with women. I find most men to be uncaring about women’s needs and only care if they orgasm.”

I smiled and giggled. “Zac’s not that way, he never has been really. He’s not one sided when it comes to sex that is for sure.”

“Keep him then, most men are pigs when it comes to sex. They just want to get laid and then it’s moving on to something else.”

“I know, five brothers here. You have just the one sister, right?”

“Younger sister and that’s it. She’s with my parents in Oklahoma City. I moved up here for college and ended up staying.”

“What did you go to school for?”

“Design, I wanted to design houses and buildings. I just got side tracked and a bad relationship, I’ll go back this summer though and finish.”

“You should, I saw some of your sketches at lunch and there great.”

She smiled. “Not near as good as Zac’s drawings.”

“He’s had practice and he’s a perfectionist.”

“Concerning Layla I met her the other day, she seems nice. I feel bad about the divorce. Do you really like talk with her or is it friendlier because she’s Zac’s friend and is she coming to any of the events?”


“We do talk and we do get along, she just seems to trust Zac a little more I guess. We really haven’t been around each other a whole lot. She is coming tomorrow Zac gave her tickets to the event.”

“Are you jealous of her?”

I looked at him and smiled. “No. I know that Zac won’t stray and she’s been his friend for a long time. She even helped try to find me so I know she’s safe, the other two hundred fans in the room are another story all together.”

“Yeah, he got questions yesterday about the wedding and all.”

“Yep. I was there too and Zac’s always been shy about sex so when that one girl asked about the video I thought he might faint.”

“He looked faint and he’s only shy about sex to everyone but you. He seems perfectly fine to talk to you.”

I looked at her. “How would you know?”

She blushed slightly. “I heard Zac last week talking to you in the hallway. He seemed comfortable mentioning sex around you but a few hours later Casey said something and Zac just clamped down, he didn’t say a word.”

“He does ok sometimes, it depends on who is around.”

We listened to the remainder of the show in relative silence and then cleaned up afterwards and prepared for the next day’s show.

“Did you have a good chat with Velma?” Zac asked.

“I did, she’s nice and I like her, it’s nice to have female friends that kind of want to be friends. Is Layla still coming tomorrow?”

“Yes. She’s coming to the store and then she’ll come with you.”

“Does she actually like me Zac or is she just being nice to me?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Well, she never really talks to me and she doesn’t seem to really trust me.”

“She does but she just doesn’t feel like you should hear it. Mark was an asshole apparently and she just... I guess she just wants someone who can relate to asshole spouses.”

I looked at him. “But you trust her right?”

“Yes. She’s a good friend Emily, kind of like Craig is to you. You’re not jealous are you?”

“Of Layla? No. You’ve already told me how you felt about her. She’s a great friend to you and I respect that I just feel like she doesn’t want to know me.”

“I think she’s afraid you’ll be like Kate, she was shocked I came alone Sunday. Speaking of Sunday I see you didn’t get Casey on that plane either.”

“I was kind of hoping you’d forgotten about that.”

“Oh no, that offer was way too tempting. You said you could get him on the phone and get him to jump, but he said he sat in the observation area and watched.”

I put my arms around him and pulled him tightly. “All you have to do is tell me when and well you get to pick the toy this time.”

“I do and I have one in mind already.”

“Were you that comfortable that he wouldn’t get in that plane?”

He smiled mischievously and then kissed my forehead. “Casey is afraid of heights so I knew there was no way in hell he was jumping out of a plane. He sits in the interior seats when he does fly and if he can avoid flying he does.”

“You knew he was afraid of heights?”

“I’ve know for a long time, but you did try.”

I punched his arm hard. “You shouldn’t get what you wanted, you cheated!”

“Hey you never asked me if there was a reason why I agreed so quickly, that is not my fault.”

“You know for that you should be deprived for a few days.”

He smiled again and his arms were suddenly around me and he lifted me up. “You wouldn’t deprive yourself Emily.”

I didn’t reply, but really I had a brand new vibrator at home that hadn’t even been pulled out of the package yet. Certainly if he thought he could get away with that, he was fooling himself.

“You ready to go?” he asked.

“Yep. I can’t leave until you put me down though.”

He sat me back down and we went home where Casey had dinner fixed already and while Zac wanted to be frisky, I went to bed early.

“You won’t make it Emily.” He said.

I smiled and looked at him. “Goodnight honey, sleep well.”

He said goodnight and within minutes he was asleep and I began to plan.


May 9, 2010; Sunday

We did get to sleep a bit later but we were at the studio by 9 and Velma was with me in the store again for a bit, Layla came in at noon, the show was at 3 so she was very early. But she did purchase a few things and then sat near me. Casey was sitting in the very back corner, his eyes on me.

Are you ok? You don’t look thrilled Ems.

I am very fine, but you may need earplugs tonight ;)

Dear god – again?! Wait…Zac said you were being all evil and depriving him, yet he seems to think you can’t…and here you are giving in a day later?

I looked at him and he was just smiling like he knew.

I *never* said that HE was getting anything did I?

He looked up at me and looked astonished.

No... you didn’t. Ok. I’ll just uh put in the plugs lol.

I put the phone up and looked over at Layla, she was texting someone as well so I waited until she was done.

“How are you?”

She looked at me and smiled. “I’m ok really. I sent my resume out to several California companies and it looks promising.”

“That is great, California is huge. Did you have an area in mind?”

“I was thinking LA or around there.”

“Big city, lots of opportunity there.”

“Um, not to be weird but is there a reason why Casey is just sitting there?”

I glanced at him and then back to her. “He’s my guard at the moment. Zac won’t leave me alone without someone around that he trusts personally. My brothers, his, Craig and Casey are like my body guards when Zac’s not here.”

“Oh, I knew he lived with you both but the way he keeps glancing at you I wondered…”

“No, Zac would stomp his rear end in the ground and Casey knows that. He’s a very good friend and a great guard.”

“Zac said something about someone coming after you, that has to suck.”

I rang up a few customers that were ready and then looked at her. “It does really, but considering that man has some inferiority complex then it’s no surprise.”

“Is he that bad?”

I turned to her a bit and leaned in. “He’s raped me and beaten me, he’s been stalking me for months and he’s the reason I got shot. Yes, he’s that bad.”

She looked at me a moment. “I guess you’re right, he is that bad. Is it why you have guards?”

“Yes, he’s threatened to take me away and it’s just safer if I have someone around. Enough about that, what about you? How are you holding up, he didn’t tell me much about what happened, just the basics.”

“I told him he could. I don’t want you to feel like I don’t want to talk to you though, it’s just I’ve known him longer and he knows all about my quirks.”

I smiled. “I understand. Craig and Amanda were my sounding boards for a while.”

Several fans came in and some had huge quantities of stuff so I had to tend to them and that took like an hour, but after the rush I was about to check my phone when Layla called my name.

“Yes?”

“You won’t do him like Kate will you? You’re not using him are you?”

It was in my opinion a stupid question to ask; because she knew everything we went through to be with each other. She knew I didn’t need him to take care of me and seriously, why would I cheat on him?

“No. I love Zachary; I wouldn’t cheat on him with anyone. I’m not using him to do anything, I can take care of myself perfectly fine and I proved that already.”

“I didn’t mean to upset you it’s just, I’ve seen a bunch of confessions type places and a lot think you are. I just don’t want to see him hurt, I care about him a lot and he’s my closest friend.”

“Ignore those pages, most of it is bullshit. Believe me, I know.”

She smiled and after closing up the store I went with her to the venue where we met up with the boys for lunch and then came back for the show. Velma and Layla were both there, but Casey wasn’t far away. Sometimes I wondered if Zac was paying him to be my personal bodyguard but I hadn’t seen any financial evidence of that. Velma was sitting very close to me and would ask questions, while Layla pretty much watched the show. She’s seen them live, but none of these songs where as Velma and I had heard them non-stop for the last two weeks as they practiced.

“Oh, you have a package on your desk.” Velma said.

“A package?” I asked.

“Yes, came in about noon, but you were super busy and I’m sorry I forgot about it until now.”

“Is it something I need to go check on?”

“Um, I don’t know honestly. It was a fed-ex box nothing stuck out.”

“I’ll have Casey go with me and check, Zac was expecting some shipment of painting supplies or something, and he’s been driving me insane waiting on it.”

She smiled and I hailed Casey who looked positively thrilled to get up, he came with me back to the studio, the show had another hour and a half, so I had time.

“Were you bored?” I asked.

“Oh my god yes! I’m sorry, but I’ve heard those songs so fucking many times.”

I giggled. “I’m sorry.”

We went down to the office and sure enough a package sat there and I walked over, it was addressed to Zac so I hoped it was the paint he needed.  I carefully tore open the lid but inside the box, wrapped in bubble wrap was a snow globe.

Casey looked up when I dialed the detective and had them come to the studio. I didn’t touch the box anymore; they had given me strict orders not to touch anything if we got another one. Detective Walker and Duncan came and after putting on gloves they carefully removed and unwrapped the snow globe, sitting it on the desk for me to see but not touch.

This one had no figurines, no elaborate designs it was just two pictures. On the left side was a rather old picture of me, I had to be about six and I’d never seen this one. Adam was sitting on a swing and I was in his lap. The other one showed a very close up picture of me, it was fairly recent and I could tell I was standing outside the studio.

“Are they both you?”

“Yes.” I said.

She used a gloved finger to press the button and music began to fill the room, familiar lyrics floated out of the speaker.

Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay
I’ll be watching you

The words stuck with me and I had them play it again.

“He use to sing that to me. I was little and it was a song my brother’s listened to also. I didn’t…”

“It was a very popular song.” Detective Duncan said.

I used my phone to get pictures but let them take the globe with them for processing. There was no letter or note the song was the message; he wasn’t going to give up. I looked at Casey and he looked defeated. How much longer could they all take turns babysitting me before our friendship is ruined because of it?

“We should head back, they should be about done.” He said.

“Do you ever get tired of following me around all the time?” I asked.

“No, because I know that if something happened to you Zac would fall apart.”

“What if he never stops Casey? You guys have done an amazing job at never leaving me alone, but can you seriously do that the rest of your life? It’s not fair to you or anyone else, you have a career yourself and you should be finding your true love and not following me all the time.”

He smiled. “Emily, I wouldn’t change what I’ve decided to do. I told Zac that I’d help you and him for as long as was needed. Besides, the guys needed an engineer and I knew how to do it, so I’ve been working while we’re here. I don’t think he’ll follow you the rest of your life, eventually the police will arrest him and he’ll be in jail.”

I nodded and we returned to the venue, where Zac was not patiently waiting for us.

“Where the hell have you been?”

“Studio, Velma said a package came and I was hoping it was your paint. It wasn’t. He sent another globe, pictures and a song this time.”

“Did you call the detectives?”

“Yes. I opened the box, saw the top and called. They took it with them but I got pictures and the song was Every Breath You Take, by the Police.”

I showed him the pictures.

“Well, everyone is waiting for us for dinner.” He said.

“I’d rather not join them Zac.” I said.

“Why not?” he asked.

“There is something else I’d like to do and you and I can grab dinner on the way.”

He looked at Casey who shrugged but he sent Casey to the restaurant to let them know we wouldn’t be joining them.

“You know Layla and Velma were waiting on you as well.”

“They can deal without me.”

He followed me to the car, I opted to drive and we went by Mexicali for dinner and then I drove to the gun range, they were opened all night here.

“Why are we here Emily?”

I looked at the sign. “Because he’s not going to stop and it’s time you stop treating me like a child when it comes to guns. I’m not stupid Zac, I can feel the difference between the guns you use and what you hand me when you switch, you’ve given me a BB gun the last two weeks.”

“Emily, you shake violently when you hold a real gun with blanks in it, you even do that with the BB gun.”

I gripped the steering wheel, it did feel like he didn’t want me to learn or that he felt I just couldn’t. So I turned to him.

“If you can’t put a real gun in my hand and force me to use it, then stop bringing me here and I will call Aaron. He’ll make me do it Zac; he won’t be like you are being. Of course I’m afraid of them, I got shot twice. I came close to being killed Zac, twice by a gun. I know you don’t like to hear that, but face reality here Zac, if he comes for me again, he’s not going to pussyfoot around.”

“He’s not getting to you.”

“You can’t guarantee that Zachary. If you can’t make me, then let someone who can.”

“Why do you want too? You hate guns; you don’t even like that I own more than one. Why do you so suddenly want to?”

“I’ve told you why. I don’t want to be in that situation again, I don’t want to feel that way again.”

“You think Aaron would make you?”

“Yes. But you won’t like the way he does it.”

He got out of the car and walked to the door, waited on me. I got out and followed him and he registered us both and walked down to the end where we always went.

“I know your scared Emily, I know because you shake picking it up. Nothing I do can change that, nothing Aaron does can change that. You’re the only one that can change it; you have to be the one to pull the trigger not anyone else.”

He laid the loaded gun down and walked down several spots and put headphones on. He’d gotten a more powerful gun than what I had laying there so I listened to the rapid pace fire for a few moments. I also hated when he was right so I turned and looked at the gun laying there. Sure, I didn’t much like them but I also didn’t want to be the reason someone I loved dies because I was too chicken to fire one. It took two tries to pick it up and then I still held it in my hand, keeping the muzzle away from me, I undid the clip and emptied the chamber before turning it toward me. It had been the moment that I was most afraid of, staring down the barrel at Adam’s face because I could see that he didn’t love me, he didn’t truly care about me, and the people that did were the ones that were risking their lives and sacrificing their time for me. I looked at the target at the far end.

I had everything I wanted in life. A great husband, loving family, the perfect job and friends that cared about me and yet only Adam stood between me and complete happiness. I reloaded the gun and the first three shots Zac didn’t hear because his own gun was firing too and by the time he came down I’d emptied the clip.

“I think I missed the target completely.” I said.

He pressed a button and the sheet of paper came forward, 8 perfect holes in the head and torso.

“No. I’d say you nailed it. Do you feel better now?”

“Not really, but another clip might help that.”

He giggled and stood back. “By all means, I’ll be sitting back here wondering how the fuck I’m walking out of here.”

I reloaded the clip and giggled. “Now you know how I felt for weeks!”

The second clip felt easier and the third clip left my arm a little tingly but I wasn’t shaking anymore and while I certainly missed on the last two clips I had at least hit the paper. I expected it to be very late but it was only 8:30. Zac put his arms around me and I could feel him against me.

“I think we should go home now.”

I smiled let him think he’d be lucky, we’d see when we get home.