Infinity Chapter 64 - The Ring

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Chapter 64 – The Ring
POV:  Emily
Word count: 3196


 There were things I could handle on my own. Taking care of Alexander, trying to be the stronger person right now because Alexander needed that more than anything, yet there was a limit on what I could handle on my own.

I really didn’t want someone to tell me it was ok, to tell me things were fine, and to tell me everything would be roses and sunshine. What I wanted was my mother and that wasn’t a possibility, I should be use to that disappointing feeling and when I left the house I really had no idea where I was going or why. I just had to get out of the house. I kept the plastic baggie held tightly in my hand as I drove through the streets of Tulsa. I wasn’t even aware of where I was until I was inside already, safe in a familiar home. The heat wasn’t on but then again, Casey hadn’t been here since the day they left for fool’s banquet. It was familiar and yet quiet, I could hear my phone blowing up Taylor’s ring tone, Isaac’s, their wives, my brothers, and yet I wanted none of them. I moved up the hallway, clutching the bag in my hand. Casey had put his stamp on every room by now, so while it was familiar it was different as well.

I laid my phone and keys on the coffee table, sat down in the center of the couch. I felt so numb, like everything was wrong. The house was much quieter, no noise from the heat coming on and off, no noise from toys randomly coming on, no footsteps. I remembered when we moved in it was that way. Our new house has rarely been quiet at all. I could see the phone light up each time someone called, each time a new message came in. I sat back on the couch. None of the ones calling were ones I wanted to hear from, not even when Zac’s ringtone played did I fall for that.

Instead I clutched the bag tighter and screamed as loud as I could. Because I could here, Alexander wouldn’t be afraid. No one would drop everything and run to me; no one would just hold me or give me those pitiful looks. I could scream as loudly and as much as I wanted and god help me did I.

I didn’t hear the back door open, didn’t hear the footsteps, my own screams and sobs were drowning out everything but the raw pain. So many times I’d held Alexander as he screamed for his father and I couldn’t do anything but silently cry with him. The arms that came around me scared me and whoever it was, they were quick enough to catch my hand.

“It’s Casey, it’s just me.”

I didn’t stop him from pulling me closer to him, didn’t stop the screams or the sobs either. Unlike everyone else he didn’t say a word to me, just let my head lay on his chest and didn’t worry about his hearing, of course he cried with me at times. It took time to realize he was singing to me, but it wasn’t the lullaby or Never Let Go.

So many words for the broken heart, It’s hard to see in a crimson love, so hard to breathe, walk with me, and maybe. Nights of light so soon become Wild and free I can feel the sun your every wish will be done, they tell me Show me the meaning of being lonely, Is this the feeling I need to walk with? Tell me why I can’t be there where you are, there’s something missing in my heart.

I knew the song, knew the meaning and I just laid there against him letting his sweet voice sing the song. He sang until I was calm.

“I didn’t know you listened to them.”

“I’ll never admit to owning that CD, but it’s one of my favorite songs.”

“How did you know where I was?”

I felt soft but cracked lips against my forehead. “Honestly, I thought you may have gone to the piano at the studio. I met Taylor and Isaac there and we searched the building. I came here to get clothes actually, heard you screaming when I got close.”

“Are Taylor and Isaac here?”

“No. They left the studio. I drove Max’s car and he stayed there with Alexander and Aaron came over. You want to tell me what is wrong?”

“You know what’s wrong Casey.”

“Ems, I’ve known you for four years. I know you miss Zac and I know you’re worried over him, but you opened that package and you just left. That’s not you. What else was in the envelope?”

The small plastic bag was still clutched in my hand and I really didn’t want to let it go. I didn’t want to see it really; I just needed to feel it. But I finally showed the bag to Casey.

“Is this…”

“It’s Zac’s wedding band, broken and beaten; the piece of paper just says he’s mine now.”

His arms tightened around me and again his lips were on my forehead. It didn’t feel wrong because my own brothers often kissed my forehead too.

“You weren’t just screaming about this, there is no way that just this ring upset you that much.”

“Why couldn’t it? It’s his wedding band Casey. The only ring he’s ever worn willingly, he hardly ever wore his ring with Kate. He’ll wear this one, he wore it every day. When he came to Georgia he left it with mine so we’d always be together.”

“I know that Emily.”

“What if Zac did this Casey? What if that is what Ian means by his note. The only thing that ties Zac to me is our marriage, without that he is free to do whatever he wants.”

He looked at me surprised and shocked. “Do you honestly believe Zac did this to his own ring?”

“I don’t know Casey! But what if he did?”

He pushed some of the hair that was across my face and closed my hand around the bag.

“Zac loves you Emily, he has loved you since he saw you in 2003. He was willing to give up his career, his business, and everything he owned for you. Could he have done this? Yes. It’s possible the person who destroyed the ring was him but even if he did, it wouldn’t be because he wanted too. I bet Ian did this just to torture you.”

It wasn’t any comfort to have that thought than any other one, because Ian didn’t care about torturing me. The ring and note were meant to be final.

“Come on Emily, spill it. Alexander is not here, Max is not here, and your brothers aren’t. Tell me what is wrong because I can see it in everything you do. You aren’t giving anyone real smiles, there all forced and faked, you aren’t sleeping well, you’re not rested because your movements are kind of slow. I know calming him down is killing you inside, but you don’t have to do this alone. So, tell me.”

I sat up and took a moment. “I sent my brother’s home because they kept telling me everything was ok, everything was fine, when nothing is ok and nothing is fine. Maddi and Max didn’t do that, they didn’t try to sugar coat it. But I just feel…lost. I don’t know what to do because basically all I can do is take care of Alexander. I’m not supposed to get upset so I let Max handle Eliza and he kind of took that leading role. I really have no idea what to do Casey. I feel lost and alone. It’s not like when you guys are at fools, because Zac calls me all the time and I call him.”

He got a tissue and handed it to me. “You are so use to being with him all the time; it’s hard to be apart from him. I can’t truly relate to that, because while I miss him too I haven’t been with Zac around the clock like you.”

“I panicked Friday when I got home, called his phone and I shut down. I didn’t know what to do, so I sat there and kept calling. Aaron said Alexander was found and the first thing I thought was he was dead. Calming him down was easy at the hospital, but then he got sick and he just wants his Dad and every time he melts down over that all I can do is hold him, rock him, and cry with him. I feel helpless when it comes to my own son.”

“He misses Zac Emily and he doesn’t know how to tell us that, he doesn’t understand the situation and his reaction is based on that. It’s not going to be easy at all, it’s not going to be painless but you have people that can help.”

“He screams louder and longer when Taylor, Isaac, his grandparents or even Zoe are over. I thought maybe Zoe would be good but no, Mac he screams because he looks so much like Zac. So, none of Zac’s family can be there and then my brothers are just not good with the right words.”

“I wasn’t referring to just him, Em you can talk to people without them being there. You feel helpless but you’re not.”

“Yes I am! I can’t do anything to help find him Casey. I’m not even supposed to leave the house without an agent; do you think they’re going to let me walk up to random doors? I can’t do what I normally would, I feel like I haven’t done anything to help find him. All I did was say a few words to Ian to let him go.”

“I understand Emily, you feel helpless because unlike before you can’t do anything that would risk you and the baby. But, Emily you are doing what you have too. You’re taking care of Alexander, which is what Zac would want you to do. Do you think he’d want Maddi watching him while you run up and down Tulsa streets looking for him? Do you think he’d want Alexander left with random family members so you can beat people up for answers? No. What Zac will want is for you to be there with him because Alexander is use to both of you and you are much more patient than most. I’m not sure Aaron or even George could handle Alexander when he’s in those moods.”

“Aaron can’t for sure; he tried Sunday and got aggravated. Really, he doesn’t want anyone else but Zac but he won’t tolerate anyone else trying but me. I just…I want to do something and not just sit around and wish I could. But I can’t and it makes me feel helpless and like I’m not being his wife.”

Casey moved closer and pulled me in for a tight hug and for a little bit he just sat there and held me.

“I didn’t want to tell the detectives but since we’re alone I can. Zac doesn’t want to be there Emily, I could tell on his face Saturday. But, I know how Ian does and the men that were there resembled Zac.”

“What do you mean?”

“They varied in height and build but they all had long brown hair and brown eyes. I can’t tell you what he did to him after Saturday but I can tell you if he made him watch as he did this to his wedding band or even if he made Zac do it himself, then he’s going to need you and Alexander. He’s going to need to be taken care of and helped. You can’t do that if you’re not taking care of yourself.”

“You think I won’t take care of him? Please, I owe him so much for the things he did for me in 2010.”

“Good. Now, I need to let people know your ok and we should head back incase Alexander wakes up.”

“Why did you really choose his shirt?”

He sat there for a moment. “You know I’d never pass him up for sex but it made me feel so bad Saturday, it was either do it and hurt him myself or not and Ian would. I know I hurt him and I know he tried to hide it, I just knew that Ian would hurt him so much more and I hope he understands that.”

“I’m sure he will understand that.”

“I love you Emily, I love Alexander, and I love Zac. I’ll be the first to admit that to all of you. I’ll stay with you as long as you let me because right now I think it’ll help.”

“Did he really tell you Robert killed him?”

“Yes. He took so much pleasure in telling me that it was scary. It was strange how everyone did what he said too.”

“Casey…”

“Yes?”

“What if he never lets him go? What do I do?”

He sat there a moment and then hugged me again. “You keep going forward and you don’t stop looking for him, you don’t stop thinking about him, you remind Alexander of his father every day, you tell little bean every day that Zac loves him. You move forward but you never forget. I believe that Zac will find a way to get away from him.”

“I hope so. Why don’t you go get some clothes for yourself and I’ll send everyone a text and tell them I’m ok.”

“But, are you ok?”

“I’m as OK as I’m going to get. I got to scream and yell and beat your couch. I know eventually I’ve got to face Eliza but I can’t right now, I need more time and Dr. O’Brian wasn’t very happy with the hospital report.”

“What happen at the hospital?”

I told him what happen at the hospital and how she acted, what I’d done after waking up and what had occurred while he was away. Because, really we hadn’t informed him much, he agreed that I didn’t need to see her right now and then he went up-stairs to get his suitcase and clothes. I hope having him there won’t cause Alexander to scream but Alexander loved Casey so maybe he wouldn’t be that bad. I sent a single message to everyone, telling them I was alright and that I needed some time alone to breakdown, there was no need to sugar coat what happened. I sent Max and Aaron a separate message and told them we’d be back in a bit, he was getting clothes. Aaron let me know Alexander was still asleep. I waited on Casey who came down with a suitcase and then I got up.

“Casey.”

“Yeah?”

“Tomorrow do you think you can come with me to the jewelry store? I think Alexander could use some air too.”

“Why there?”

“To see if they can fix his ring, if he didn’t do this, then he’ll need a new one but I want it to be this one. I picked this one out for him. If they can’t fix it then I will purchase a new one.”

“I think that would be a very good idea.”

I followed him out the back door and he took his car and I drove mine back. Alexander was still asleep thankfully but Aaron looked especially pissed.

“Save it Aaron, I needed to get away and I needed the time to scream it out without upsetting Alexander more.
I went to a safe place and I was fine.”

“Safe? No one knew where you were. What if he took you too?”

“He hates me Aaron. He sent me his phone and his wedding band. Ian wouldn’t take me. The man hates my guts.”

“You scared the hell out of everyone.”

“Aaron, lay off. She’s fully aware that she scared us but she needed that and she’s fine. We found her and she’s ok.” Casey said.

“Are you really ok?” He asked.

“No. I won’t be ok until Zac is home Aaron. If that’s never then I guess I’ll never be ok. You guys just don’t seem to understand that he’s everything to me.”

He didn’t look happy by my response but I moved to the kitchen and fixed something to snack on and still felt guilty but I wasn’t feeling that well.

“I think you should lie down a bit.” Max said.

“I’m ok for the moment.”

“Eliza called me again, wanted me to instruct you to answer your phone or let her the fuck in.”

“Well, she’s fucked either way. I’m not doing either of those until I feel damn good and ready.”

“Do you not care that she is your sister?”

I looked up from my bowl. “She’s your sister too; I don’t see you jumping through hoops to know her Aaron.”

“Yeah, well she doesn’t act like one.”

I shrugged, Eliza wasn’t my priority. I finished the bowl of left over’s and washed the bowl.

“I think I’m going to lie down with Alexander.”

“You need to get in a bed.” Aaron stated.

“Well find me one I can put in his floor.”

Two of the three gave me exhausted looks but Casey just crossed his arms in front of him. Yet he didn’t say anything. Aaron said he was staying and since it was late he was going to bed and vanished downstairs, Max went to his room and I was aiming for Alexander’s but Casey came up behind me and not so politely directed me to my own room.

“I’m not sleeping in here.”

“Yes you are. You have no reason to sleep in his floor Emily. There are three extra guest rooms if this one room bother’s you. But, you’ve chosen his room and you know it’s not good for you.”

“I can’t sleep in here.”

“Yes you can, so why aren’t you?”

“What if he wakes up?”

“You’ll hear him on the baby monitor like you have every night he has woken up when you were in here. Are you afraid that Ian will take him again? That he’ll break in somehow and not bother anyone else?”

“Only a little bit.”

“Get ready for bed, I’ll lay here with you and if you’re not asleep in an hour then I’ll drag a mattress up from the basement and put it in his floor.”

“You shouldn’t…”

“It’s not sex Emily Isabella. It’s just so you’re not alone. Max said earlier he’d probably head back tomorrow since I am here. I’ll move to that guest room but for tonight it won’t kill either of us.”

I could have argued with him another hour but I knew Alexander would be up early and I did need to sleep. I went ahead and put my pajamas on and got my teeth brushed and all the fun stuff. I then laid down, could smell him all around me and I really didn’t think I would fall asleep, but I did.


Show me the meaning of being loney © 1997 Backstreet Boys