Forbidden Love - Segment 27

[itztigress3]

Segment 27 - Confessions
POV: Zac
Word Count: 3597
Warnings: None

October 27, 2007

I let Taylor and Isaac go inside first, and then I got off and went to the second bus and waited by the door. Darius was the last person to come off and he looked at me and frowned. I didn’t like that he was frowning at me. So I looked at him.

“She is not coming off the bus Zac. About two I got her to get up and sit with me for a little while in the back, she finally took two of my Ambian about four this morning. She’s going to sleep for a while.”

“She hates me, doesn’t she?”

“I cannot believe you were that selfish Zachary, I thought I knew you but evidently I don’t. My advice would be to leave her alone for a few days at least. She’s hurting and she’s confused, she needs to sort out how she feels without being pressured from you into meetings her, yes she got your text message and all it did was make her cry even more. You need a few days as well Zac; you need to determine how you feel.”

I frowned and watched him walk inside, I started to put in my code and go into the bus anyway, but if she’d taken something just four hours ago there was no way she would be awake. He was right, we both needed time and I would give that to her. I went back to our bus and while I waited on Taylor and Isaac to come back, I down two beers. They came into the back room and sat down at 8:50.

They both looked at me.

“So, Darius talked to us while we were inside. Do you want to explain to us why you have been using her for the better part of the year?” Isaac asked.

“I wasn’t using her!” I snapped.

“Um, yes you were Zachary. You are married to Kate, who is at home waiting on you to come back. Yet, you are here having sex with an employee and we’re going to assume this started before we even left Tulsa. How do you think Kate would feel if she found out?” Taylor asked.

I looked at Taylor for a moment, anger boiling up from the put of my stomach. He was blaming me, trying to make me feel bad for something she was doing anyway!

“I would image that the bitch would feel like I did in March, when I decided to buy her favorite flowers and work on our problems, when I decided that my marriage was worth trying to save. Instead, I walked into MY bedroom and found her fucking my best friend Gary. So, I assume she wouldn’t feel a god damn thing about what I’ve been doing!”

The bottle of water Taylor was holding slipped from his fingers, his eyes going very wide and boy he looked confused. Isaac on the other hand seemed calmer.

He finally sighed. “Is that why when you saw them at the theatre you didn’t say anything, because you already knew about them?”

“Yes.”

“Why don’t you tell us from the top what happened.” Isaac said.

I sat there for a few moments considering my words and what I needed to say for them to understand. How far back did I need to go?

“I suspected that Kate was cheating on me before we even got married. I had no proof that she was, no one had seen her with anyone, and I caulked it up to jitters, pre-wedding jitters and my own nerves about getting married.” I shifted positions and took a sip of the beer.

“After the wedding the first few months were ok, it was nice actually. Then she started getting paranoid that I was cheating on her with someone. She swore that I was cheating on her. She made me give her all of the passwords to my e-mails, phone, private accounts, she even made me log on to the website and she went through the messages there. She found nothing; I was not cheating on her. So, she calmed down and it seemed like it was over.” I said.

“She made you log in?” Taylor asked.

“Yes. She did not give me a choice in the matter, told me to log in or she was leaving. I logged in; if it would alleviate her of stress I was willing to do that.”

They took sips of their beers and waited, Taylor a little more subdued now.

“She did calm down but it lasted for a few weeks and then she started again because I changed my lock code on the phone, I gave her the new code and again she went through everything finding nothing. I got a little suspicious at this and asked her for her passwords for her to unlock stuff so I could see it. She flatly told me I had no right to view her personal e-mails, her phone, or anything else she did. You can image how well that went over with me, I was pissed and we had a very loud argument over that.”

“You told us about that argument but you never really said what it was about.” Isaac said.

“Yeah, I did. Anyway, we started arguing and it kept getting worse from there. She seemed to not care if I come home or not. Last year when Taylor and Natalie went to the fundraiser and I spent the weekend watching Ezra she had no idea where I was and she never even called me to ask, didn’t ask when I got home Sunday either. Last October when you interviewed Emily and I was so sick I could barely move to call either of you, she made me sleep in the guest room and wouldn’t come near me. She said she couldn’t afford to get sick like me. I think that’s why It took me so damn long to get better. I felt alone all the time because it was like she no longer cared if I was even there. Again, I suspected her of cheating on me with someone, but I couldn’t prove it. It got bad enough at home that I found sleeping at the studio was better than going home.”

“Is that why you were there so early most the time?” Isaac asked.

“Yes. I never actually left the building. I brought clean clothes with me and showered there.”

“You searched for Emily for a year, drove us all bat shit crazy trying to hide what you were doing, so none of us felt like calling you on it. Why?” Isaac asked.

I paused a moment, thought back to the day I first saw her, the day I should have been much smarter.

“Because the first time I saw her, I knew that she was the person I was supposed to marry. Literally, the moment my eyes laid on her everything blurred from my vision and she was all I saw. She was talking to you about something and she smiled. Isaac I swear to god my heart skipped several beats. I was on my way over to talk to her when Kate pulled me out of the room for some pointless conversation about her hair. By the time I got back to the room, she was gone. I tried to not think about it, but after a week she consumed every though I had. I saw her everywhere and I knew I had to find her. You know how well that went; I tried everything I could think of. She had to be a member to be there, I started with the list and I went to every single of them and nothing, it was like she was there but she never was. I would have never stopped but Taylor commented that whatever my obsession was it was affecting me as a musician and then Kate kept telling me there was no possible way she would love me. So, I gave up.”

“Did you want to marry Kate at all?” Taylor asked.

 I looked at him and again I paused and considered my answer.

“At the time, yes. I thought she truly loved me and I thought I loved her. In November when I walked up to the door and saw her standing there, everything crashed around me. I knew it was her, I knew it had to be her. I swore that it was fate and that she was meant to be there. Kate and I had been having major problems that not even I thought could be fixed. I didn’t even know what she looked like, but you saw my reaction just to her resume, which included no photographs of her by the way.”

“Yeah, we did. You zeroed in and relentlessly kept suggesting her.” Isaac said.

“I had no idea who she was. But there she was, in the flesh right in front of me and no Kate and no one else.” I said.

They waited. I never liked talking about sex, not even with my brothers. But, they needed to know the extent of the problems.

“In November when Emily started working for us, Kate and I had not had sex in about a year, I think it was sometime late October to mid November of the year before. We could barely stand being in the same room with each other for more than a few minutes. I knew that with me being married it was wrong to let Emily know that she was all I thought about for four years. I did not feel right telling her that knowing there was nothing she could do about it. Instead, I decided that being a friend was better than nothing and I talked to her and tried to learn more about her. What I really did was try to find a reason, any reason, that she and I would never work and that Kate was far better.”

Taylor started to say something but I held up my hand and he paused, I took a sip of the beer in my hands and looked at them both.

“The more I talked to her, the more time we spent together, the more I felt myself falling for her. She was easy to talk too, easy to get along with, she didn’t make me feel so small and helpless, and she didn’t belittle me for small things like my spelling or the way I dressed. There were a few kisses before anything serious and it was always awkward times. She picked up on the problems that Kate and I were having and while she did ask, she did not push me to tell her anything.  Kate did almost catch us in February, Emily hide somewhere in the jam room I presume that little metal closet. Kate knew about her because of Thomas, he sent her the picture of Emily. You recall that conversation we had, I don’t know what happen to Gina but I suspect Kate said or did something that made her leave. I couldn’t get Gina to reply to me and neither could Emily. Kate saw her four years ago too, she told me when we got into the car that she would never love me, reminded me I was married to her and I was stuck with her.”

“How in the hell did you go from a simple kiss and just infatuation, to this?” Taylor asked.

“March 20^th, we all took off early from work you two wanted to spent time with your wives and with Ezra. I had come to the point where I wanted my marriage to work out, even with her there because Kate was very adamant that Emily would never love me; she even wrote me a two page list of every flaw she could find as a reason why.”

“Hold up, she wrote a list of your flaws and gave it to you?” Isaac asked.

“Yes. If you want to know how much of a bitch she was about it, she also had me sit down and read it out loud to her. But, despite that and the lack of sex and the other problems I decided I would surprise her with her favorite flower and dinner and we would sit down and talk about us. I wanted to suggest counseling for us, to see if we could fix our relationship and our marriage. I knew that you both would be busy and not need me. When I got home her car was there but she wasn’t downstairs, so I went to see if she was taking a bath or lying down. I heard them long before I got to the door, but I had to be sure because who knows maybe she was watching porn or something. No, she was having sex with Gary in our bedroom in our bed. Neither of them seemed to notice that I was there. I closed the door and went back to the studio, Emily was still working, but I went to the recording room and I played the drums for maybe ten minutes and then I sat on the sofa and cried. She came in and found me sitting there, let me cry on her shoulder then suggested we get some dinner. When we came back things just progressed from there. I started it because I wanted to be there with her anyway.”

“Are you saying you had sex in the studio?” Ike asked.

“I don’t even want to hear that, I know both of you have.”

“Sadly, Isaac he has a point there we cannot nag him for that.” Taylor said.

“She was nervous and afraid but all I wanted to do was be there with her, to have her close to me.”

“Why was she nervous and afraid? If she was just as into it as you, she shouldn’t have been.” Isaac asked.

I paused there, finished the beer and pondered exactly how much to tell them, but there was no way to explain that away without telling them why.

“She was nervous and afraid because she had never had sex before, she was a virgin.”

Both of them nearly dropped their beers and both stared at me for several minutes.

“You were her first?” Ike asked.

“Yes. She has been the only person that ever trusted me enough to give that to me. Kate blurted out during one of our very explosive and loud arguments that she had been with at least two men before we got married, so when she told me she was a virgin until married, she lied.”

“Fuck Zac.” Tay said. He rubbed the bridge of his nose, a bad sign.

“After the time in the studio which I sent you a message to stay away after wards, there was another time in my office, she left to go home that afternoon and I called Layla to get advice and she told me to stay the hell away. Emily called Amanda and she told her to stay away from me. After that we avoided each other and avoided being alone, Isaac you commented on the tension.”

“I remember.  So what changed that?” Isaac asked.

“About two weeks after that I was late coming in, you two were gone to lunch when I arrived. I was pissed off because Kate and Gary had talked with me. He wanted to move in because his girlfriend kicked him out suspecting he was cheating on her. Image that! I couldn’t tell him no without telling them I knew, so I said Ok. It hit me coming to the studio that it was just so they could be together. I did not intend to call Emily, but she sent me a text message and told me to meet her in the conference room, it was rougher that time for sure but I forgot about them.”

 “Seriously Zac, the conference room too?” Taylor asked.

I looked at him. “No cameras in there.”

I paused a moment, took a few more sips of the beer. “I left the studio that night and went home, Kate had cooked dinner fixed Gary’s favorite dish and when I went to shower she came in and told me he was moving in regardless and that all of my stuff was in our guest bedroom. She did not lie about that. She moved Gary into our bedroom, told me she had seen me in March at the door.”

“Hold up, you’ve been sleeping in the guest bedroom of your own house while she’s with him in your bedroom?” Isaac asked.

“Yes. The nights I actually sleep there anyway. I have to wear my headphones or ear plugs to drown out them having sex. She was never that way with me. After the conference room I got to thinking and I contact our lawyer, but there is a problem that no one seen when we got married. If Kate files against me, if she files for a divorce from me for any reason then she gets everything I own and my share of 3CG as well. I cannot allow Kate to become part owner of our business. Even though the bitch is fucking my best friend, in my own bed, I cannot file against her because I don’t have enough proof that she is cheating and because I allowed him to move in with us, he has a legitimate reason to be there. I have been trying not to piss her off, humoring her on those fucking conversations she wants and the renovations so she won’t file.”

“What do you mean she would own your share?” Isaac asked.

“There was a problem with our prenuptial, instead of it saying that personal assets would be split, it stated that personal and business assets. It’s a major typo that our attorney never noticed and neither did I.”

“Let me ask this, do you want to divorce Kate?” Taylor asked.

I looked at Taylor. “Yes. I mean after the conference room I knew that there was no saving my marriage to Kate, it was done. Honestly, I probably never should have asked in the first place. Kate evidently knows about the wording, she said if I did anything with anyone she would file and rip 3CG apart. That is not fair to either of you.”

They were both quite, both digesting what I had said and what it meant.

“Ok. Here is what we are going to do; you are going to give Emily some space. Honestly, I think it’s best for you both to calm down and then a week maybe more Taylor and I will talk to her and then we can do a supervised chat or you two can talk alone. This gives you time to calm down and it gives us time to contact the lawyer and see what can be done.” Isaac said.

“Isaac I don’t want her to continue to believe that I used her. I already know what I need for the lawyer I need something verifiable that proves that Kate is cheating on me. I have to be able to tell a judge she is and unfortunately you seeing her and Gary at the movie won’t work because I was with you and she can say I declined to see a movie with her so Gary went and since I saw them there, it’s kind of pointless. I totally understand that I did the exact same thing but Kate’s been doing this since before we got married and I have only had one person and that’s Emily.”

They exchanged looks. “We cannot do anything about what Emily believes right now it’s not likely she would believe anything you said anyway. You want Emily to know you care about her and you’re not using her?” Taylor asked.

“Yes!”

“Then you need to file for divorce and to do that you need to focus on not being with Emily and finding a way to either convince a judge to not follow your pre-nuptial or get some proof. Right now, the best thing is for you and Emily to be apart. While we are home for the holiday we will get together and you can talk to her at 3CG. This way you can tell her your side without interruptions.”

I finished my now warm beer and thought about that. She was mad and she believes I don’t care and it’s because I never told her, but if I went to her now and tried to she’d probably only believe I wanted her back for the sex, which wasn’t true. However, if I could sit her down at 3CG and show her the e-mails then maybe she would believe I cared.

“Ok. But I am holding you to that meeting without interruptions.” I said.

They smiled. “Now, you didn’t sleep last night and we understand but you need to now. Go fix something to eat and then go to bed for a while.” Isaac said.

“I agree you did not sleep last night.” Taylor said.

I nodded to them both knowing that as bad as I felt, I would have to perform soon and I needed rest to do that. I went and fixed a sandwich and then lay down. My thoughts drifted to Emily and how Darius said she cried most of the night. It was true, she did love me. Now I just needed to prove to her that I loved her back.