
Segment 35 – Can you say that again?
POV: Emily
Word Count: 3268
Warnings: Mild kink, nothing graphic.
November 29, 2007; Thursday
He had gone to his primary on Tuesday and was basically cleared, but he didn’t tell anyone else. I was awake before he was but let him sleep longer. He finally came out of the bedroom at 10 and fixed a quick bowl of oatmeal, sat at the table and ate, then washed his bowl and spoon, and finally came to sit beside me on the couch. He hadn’t bothered to change from his pajamas, which were plaid sleep pants and a blue shirt.
“So, you weren’t really sick on Thanksgiving, why did you have Taylor bring you back so early?”
“You were here alone and everyone kept asking about Kate, I just did not want to say anything. I really didn’t feel that well either.”
I turned the TV off and turned toward him. “You are better, yet you’re still acting as if you’re sick.”
He blushed some. “I know when I am better, I have to go home.”
“Why did you do it Zac? Why did you write e-mails to an account I couldn’t access?”
He twisted the hem of his shirt. “I wasn’t sure how you felt about me.”
I moved his head to face me. “Seven months, Zachary. I know when you are lying.”
He took a deep breath. “I don’t get to skip on this do I?”
“No.”
“I never lied to you when I said I waited four years to touch you. I saw you at the meet and greet and I just zeroed in, nothing else mattered but you. I tried to ignore it and say it was some fluke but I couldn’t stop thinking about you. So, I tried for a year to find you. I went through the records, tracked down names, but nothing ever came up and every hit was not you. I got obsessive and Taylor and Isaac were complaining that my obsession was affecting my performance, so I took a final weekend and I tried everything I could and when that failed I figured that I would never really get to see you again and that I should move on.”
“Move on with Kate? You were dating her then.”
“Yes. She kept telling me she loved me, that she could be everything I wanted. Sadly, I did try to find you again before we got married and honestly, I never stopped thinking about you. Anytime we were on tour I looked for you, there were times where I swore you were there.”
“I may have been.”
“I didn’t see your picture when you applied, but there was something about your resume, I kept coming to it. When I came in a year ago and you were there it was tunnel vision all over again. I couldn’t stop watching you, in a non creepy way.”
“Baby, you watched from your office all the time. If you think I never noticed, it was hard not to.”
“Watching you from my office was safe. You were there to listen, you didn’t judge and when you walked in on me you didn’t let it change your opinion of me.”
I blushed. “It was probably the hottest thing I’d ever seen really.”
I saw the blush creep into his face as well. “Was it hotter than watching Craig doing it?”
I looked at him and blinked, I wasn’t aware that anyone else knew that. “How did you know I watched him?”
“He told me before your birthday, he also told me about the second time you saw me but never told me about.”
“It was the second time I was referring to anyway, I couldn’t see much with you in your desk chair, but the sofa was perfect. Yeah, it
was hotter actually. I just wasn’t aware that he told you about that.”
“He did say that the two of you agreed not to say anything, I guess he felt comfortable enough telling me. I can’t say that I blame you actually for asking him, it kind of shows how much you trust him. Although, I totally know what face he mentioned then, the complete disappointment faces. It is very hard to get that out of your head.”
I smiled. “I perfected that one.”
“Back on topic, as the weeks progressed I felt it. I was beginning to fall for you and I just couldn’t stop it. As I told Taylor and Isaac I talked to you, asked questions, got to know you with the idea that I would find something that said we were not compatible, that it wouldn’t work between us. It scared me when I couldn’t think of a single reason why we shouldn’t be together, but I had no idea how you felt about me. You’d showed no real interest beyond those few kisses, I was scared. When I saw Gary and Kate and came back, you were there. It was like you knew what to do.”
I moved some of his hair from his face, knowing he wasn’t done yet.
“Honestly Emily, I never expected to go that far right then. I never expected you to tell me you were a virgin or yes, I guess some part of me wished you would say no so I could deal with the rejection. I knew it was wrong to come onto you, it was wrong to ask if I could, it was wrong to even keep on.”
“But, Zac that’s not entirely your fault either. I knew you were married to her, I knew you were hurting and I should have said no when you asked. I really couldn’t say no because while I told you there wasn’t anyone I was waiting on, the truth was there was. I was waiting on you. I had no idea how you felt about me, no idea why you watched me from your office, no idea why you seemed so comfortable to talk too. But, when you asked I really couldn’t say no.”
He smiled some. “I figured you wouldn’t have said yes unless you had a reason and as Layla pointed out weeks later that not everyone women is dropping virginities on me. In fact, only one has and that was you. But, after you left I felt conflicted and I called Layla, she told me I should break contact and not pursues anything else and I tried! Damn, did I try!”
I lowered my head some. “Until I told you to meet me in the conference room that day you came in pissed off.”
“I started not to go really, but honestly I knew that you’d make me feel better. I did not intend for sex to do that, but I warned you ahead of time. You even said that wasn’t your intention either.”
“Yeah, my intention was to see why you were mad but you had to sit that way. But why e-mails Zachary? Why not just write them and give them to me or at least tell me about it, even if no one else seen them but you and I?”
“Kate’s a bitch, I knew if I sent anything to you from my accounts she would see it, after all she is paranoid enough that she makes me give her the passwords. I created Lavenderdreams for you and the Vanillasunsets for me; it was obscure enough that no one would guess what it was. It was the only way I felt truly safe being able to tell you how I felt, without her knowing. When you left the studio that day, March 21st, I knew it was not right for me to tell you I loved you, even if I did. I knew I needed to deal with Kate, I just didn’t foresee the problems.”
I looked up at him, had I heard him right? Did he say he loved me, even then?
“I heard you the first time you told me Emily, I heard it every time you told me. I wasn’t sure the first time if you had meant it, because it was during sex. It was always during sex actually.”
I had nothing to say to that, but he waited for several moments.
“I wasn’t totally aware that I said it the first time. I just never said it outside that because I wasn’t really sure how you felt about hearing it.”
He nodded. “To answer your question, I wrote the e-mails because I needed some way to tell you how I felt, without really saying it. I was afraid that if I told you someone would hear me and it would get back to Kate somehow, I was afraid if I texted you or used my own accounts it would get back to her. It was an irrational fear that someone would see or hear and she would know.”
He looked at me.
“You could have told me about them.”
“I should have told you.”
I slide a little closer to him. “How come you did not tell me when I left the bus? When I yelled at you that you did not care about me at all, I practically screamed it at you.”
He frowned at me.”Because you were right. I never used you but I let it happen knowing that I really couldn’t do anything else but sex with you, it just hearing it to make me realize that and I felt like shit. Darius’s message asking what he could give you did not help either, because if you were that upset then I had really hurt you and it was the last thing I ever wanted to do. I waited outside the bus on you; he came off last and said you were asleep. Taylor and Isaac said I needed to give you some time that we both needed time to calm down. They actually said they would pick a time during this break for us to talk in a calm setting. I just wanted to go and make you see, make you understand. But you started avoiding me, stopping watching the shows, I could feel you falling away from me and
I was just too stupid to know what to do about it.”
“What about all the conversations with Kate? Two and three hour’s conversations and you always sounded sincere.”
“I don’t know why she called really, she’d never done that. Honestly though, I sounded sincere but I really could care a less what she said or what she did. My best guess is she knew you’d hear it because she knew you were on our bus.”
“Ariel asked me about that when I switched. Were you serious in your last e-mail?”
He looked right at me. “Yes. After you moved busses I was laying there alone a lot and I realized that I really don’t love Kate. I have said it before but there was this tiny hope, but no there is nothing there. Our marriage is nothing, I don’t love her. You came to the room when I was sick and I realized what I was missing in my life. My life was never complete without you; there is no amount of money or material possessions that can replace you.”
I smiled at him; he really was a romantic at heart.
“I love you. I have loved you since the moment I first saw you. I was stupid, irrational, and a bastard but I don’t want to lose you.”
I moved more of his hair and leaned in. “Can you say that again?”
He wet his lips. “I love you. I have loved you since the moment I first say you.”
I let the words wash over me, because he’d been looking right at me. I knew he wasn’t lying to me, he was being sincere and he meant every word he said. He’d averted his head down some though, as if he was afraid of what I would say, so I lifted it back up.
“I love you; I have for so long, long before I saw you.”
I kissed him several times, enjoyed that feeling of him being there. When I did pull away I sat back on the sofa, kind of expected him to come with me but he sat up, quietly for several moments before I noticed he was chewing on his bottom lip.
“You know, you only do that when you’re nervous or there is something you want but you’re afraid to ask. Considering you cannot be nervous, I’m going with there is a question you want to ask but you’re afraid too.”
“Do what?”
“Chew your bottom lip, not that I mind it is quite sexy when you do that.”
He did stop, but he didn’t say anything, so I waited a few minutes. When he was still quite I slid my hand up his back, feeling the muscles move as I did so, I went right up the base of his neck and into his hair.
“What did you want to ask?”
I felt him lean in to my hand, my touch, when I pulled slightly on his hair a slight moan escaped his lips. I had to giggle at that.
“My, do you do like that. But, I have known for a while now, so, what did you want to ask?”
“I…Uh…”
I waited, let my fingers massage the back of his scalp and occasionally tug his hair.
“I didn’t tell you about the e-mails, I’ve been…bad.”
I moved my hand and giggled. “That was not bad Zac; you did it to keep Kate from seeing them and to prevent her from ever knowing. It really was a good way to do that, it’s not something that was found easily.”
“But, I didn’t tell you about them which lead you to believe that I didn’t care at all, which was bad of me.”
“Yes, that was but it wasn’t that bad Zac.”
He turned and looked at me with a determined face, almost like he was daring me to catch on to an unspoken joke. It took me a few moments to connect his actions with his choice of words.
“Zac, you have done nothing bad enough to warrant a spanking, nothing at all.”
He looked at me for just a minute before he moved, positioning himself lying on the sofa, with his hips and ass perfectly positioned at my right hand. It didn’t feel like my legs being under him bothered him at all either. Could I truly deny that him lying this way was kind of sexy? The answer was no, because it was, safe behind locked doors I could let my eyes travel from his head down to his toes and
I finally laid my right hand on his ass, which still felt nice to me and my left hand on his back.
“I presume you feel a lot better?”
“I felt pretty good before the holiday, but defiantly after Monday.”
“Why would you want this? I am sure you remember the last one you got in October.”
“I clearly remember that one.”
“You know the first one was mostly play, but you knew the second one wasn’t. You knew I was mad, why did you let me why did you agree?”
He was quite for several minutes. “I’m not doing this until you tell me.” I said.
He looked back at me. “You were mad because you were beginning to think I truly was using you, you wanted to go and even though
I could have, I chose not to. Yes, I knew you were mad. I knew you were the first time it hit me. But, I was stupid and though if I took what you gave me, accepted what you did then you’d see that I did care. It wasn’t until after you left the bus that I realized that wasn’t what you wanted and could have made it worse. What you wanted me to do was tell you I cared about you.”
“I did hurt you then, I suspected I did when days later you were still having problems. Don’t lie to me either.”
“I should have told you to stop at ten, it did hurt like hell but at the same time the looks on your face when you walked away made me feel like I somehow deserved it, that it was punishment for hurting you before I even realized it.”
“If either of us deserves a spanking, it’s me for hurting you. I shouldn’t have, no matter how mad I was.”
He smiled and I saw the blush spread across his face rapidly. “No, I wanted that Emily. I didn’t really expect it to be that hard, but I still wanted it.”
“Like you do now, for no reason? Really Zac? Did I awaken some latent fetish of yours?”
“I could find something you would deem bad and do it. I didn’t think I would, but maybe you did. Our parents didn’t spank, they preferred the corner method or no video games.”
I giggled. “Not possible for you find something I would deem bad, besides you are quite vulnerable in this position.”
I slid my hand under the back of his shirt, felt the smooth skin as I ran my fingers up his back and then lightly ran my nails over his skin coming down. That seemed to relax him so much, just the touch.
“See, what I think if that you just want personal attention, something that you cannot get from anyone else but me.”
“Maybe.”
“In that case, how many would you like? Forty, the number of e-mails you sent?”
I repeated the hand action, sliding up then slightly running my nails down and he trembled some.
“No, that’s too many. Maybe thirty would be more suitable?” I asked.
He shivered under my fingertips again and shifted slightly in my lap, the very thought of what would happen was turning him on; I could feel him against my leg.
“Did you have a specific number in your head?”
He shook his hand no. I decided that twenty was a fine number, why deviate from something that works? I also did not plan to move his cloths, so he would have two layers between my hand and his skin. He counted and one through ten seemed pretty normal, but when I paused at ten he was the one who reached down and slid the pants and boxers down.
“Who said I wanted them down?”
He looked back at me. “I want them down. It’s not the same with cloths on.”
The sound was different without the pants in the way, but even then he didn’t sound like it truly hurt, there was no crying this time at all. But I could defiantly feel him against my leg though, it seems hair pulling and spanking was going to be his thing. I laid my hand gently on the warm flesh of his ass.
“What do you want me to do now?”
“Anything, just please don’t stop touching me.”
I sat there for a moment, anything was a very open area, I knew he trusted me and I also knew whether he understood it or not the
next two nights might be our last for a while. Once he filed, he wouldn’t be able to come over or have these moments because she was sure to counter him. Considering we had all afternoon, it was barely noon now I wondered how far he’d let me go.
“You’ll let me do anything I want, anything at all, as long as I don’t stop touching you?”
“Yes.”
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